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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if honestly ... did you have a preference?

195 replies

chocgourmet · 10/01/2015 15:51

DH and I are planning to TTC no2.

DS has just turned 1 and I really want a girl this time Blush

I'm actually a bit scared to ttc in case it's another boy and it impacts on bonding with him which sounds awful.

Can anyone reassure me that these silly feelings go? Or not - and if they don't, how do you deal with them?

OP posts:
WrappedInABlankie · 10/01/2015 23:44

I really want a DD, told my DP I may cry if it's another DS, I love her dearly but was so sure it was going to be a girl. It was a boy, I didn't cry I was gutted for a couple of seconds and then I was over it.

I think more have it then would admit to it because you then get a load of you should just be grateful you can have one comments.

MillionToOneChances · 10/01/2015 23:50

I had a strong preference, had a sexing scan to get any moment of disappointment over with long before the birth. It was indeed a disappointment, for five minutes or so.

You get what you get, and I think it's rare to be disappointed once the uncertainty and false hope/fear of disappointment is taken out of the equation. We're programmed to love our children, regardless of gender. I can't imagine any more perfect DC2 for me than the one I got. It's been ten years and I've genuinely never even for a moment thought that my or DC1's life would have been better if I'd got what I thought I wanted.

duplodon · 10/01/2015 23:52

I have three boys and feel very sad to think they will disappear from my life as adults Sad

Flomple · 10/01/2015 23:57

I think it's good that it's taboo. If it's not discussed IRL my son will never get to know.

Wotsitsareafterme · 11/01/2015 00:00

I was gutted dd2 was a girl for a bit. I thought she would be my last child and I so wanted one of each just to know. But she was a girl and it didn't affect my bond at all with her we are very close :-)

PlummyBrummy · 11/01/2015 05:12

Thank you holeinmyheart, I do appreciate your answer. Thoughts like these do help me to get some perspective!

Romeorodriguez · 11/01/2015 05:16

I think that most people do have a preference. I wanted one of each. I truly believe most people do.

sleepywombat · 11/01/2015 05:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheerfulYank · 11/01/2015 05:44

I've got one of each and am due with #3 in June.

If I'm honest I'd like another girl, only for logistics. DS will be eight years older than this baby; DD will only be two. So for room sharing, hand me downs, etc, another girl would be easier.

But another little boy would be nice too. I get to find out on the 19th! :)

ithoughtofitfirst · 11/01/2015 05:45

I believe that a lot of women will have a preference but very few would actually be disappointed with what they get.

CheerfulYank · 11/01/2015 05:54

I never wanted girls. Was delighted with my boy. Then along came DD and I can't imagine I would have chosen another boy! She is so dear and funny, and no one dotes on her more than her big brother.

I do worry sometimes, the challenges she'll face as a girl and woman. But she's a tough cookie, my girl. :) She'll be okay.

Kittymum03 · 11/01/2015 06:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 11/01/2015 07:42

Flomple I also agree that it should stay taboo, why would anyone want their children to potentially find our that their parent(s) would have preferred another sex?! I think it could be very harmful to them growing up.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 11/01/2015 07:44

By the way, my DH is much much closer to his mum than I am to mine!

Ruperta · 11/01/2015 07:49

I suppose I had a skight preference for a girl second time but had a boy. No disappointment though as who could be disappointed with a lovely newborn. As he has grown and personality has developed you realise children are so so much more than their gender.

I love having two boys now and can't imagine anything else. I actually old worry about having a girl now if I got pregnant a third time!

Don't worry, don't over think - oh and completely ignore all the offensive comments that you get if you have two boys (that was the thing that pissed me off the most!£

Ruperta · 11/01/2015 07:56

Sorry for typos I've got a cracked screen!

FantasticMax · 11/01/2015 08:18

I really wanted a girl first time round, but waited till the birth to find out the sex. I'm not sure why I had the preference, perhaps because I had a good relationship with my own mother and hoped to replicate that. I did have a DD and she is brilliant, but not because she's a girl, she's just a funny little person.
Not pregnant yet with DC2 but can genuinely say I wouldn't mind what the sex is. Another girl would be easier in some respects but it would be lovely to have a little boy too.

DragonMamma · 11/01/2015 08:31

I had preferences both times - I wanted a girl first because I am very close to my mum and wanted a chance to experience that relationship.I got my dd.

Second time round I wanted a DS to experience parenting a boy,plus DH knew if it was another Dd that he'd never have a son as we only wanted 2dc. Luckily it was a DS.

I found out the sex each time to deal with any disappointment beforehand. If we did ever go on to have a third (unlikely) I wouldn't find out as either would be fine but I think I'd have a preference for a boy, as I've found them easier and more straightforward.

MillieMoodle · 11/01/2015 08:45

First time round I hoped for a boy, cos I'd always wanted an older brother myself (am an only child). Also DH wanted a boy to carry on the family name (more due to pressure from his dad than anything). From the first scan (at 6 weeks) I had a really strong feeling it was a boy, and it was.
Just about to start ttc #2 and I'm not sure that I've got a preference. A boy would be lovely as DS would have a brother to play with and I'd like to think they'd be close as they grow up. On the other hand, DM, MIL and SIL keep on about how a girl would be lovely (SIL has two boys) which makes me feel a bit under pressure.
Tbh, I'll just be happy to have a baby!

Marylou62 · 11/01/2015 08:47

Duplodon....if you have a good relationship with your boys, they don't disappear from your life...My DB sees my M&D daily whereas I am 250 miles away...

munchkin2902 · 11/01/2015 08:48

I really wanted a girl and got one. I think I would have been slightly disappointed at the scan if they'd said it was a boy but to be honest as long as they're healthy etc the rest doesn't matter.

DD is four weeks old and I'm already thinking I would like to try for a boy!!!! Just to experience both I think. But I need to go back to work for a bit first and I'm 35 next month so who knows.

Pasteurella · 11/01/2015 08:55

I'd always wanted a girl and was devastated when I had two boys! Several years on and I love them both madly and they make me proud all the time.

So, for me, the feelings have got less with time (although I still occasionally wish I'd had a girl as well as my two lovely boys).

ByTheSea · 11/01/2015 09:00

I did but would have been happy either way. I had two stepsons I was raising to begin with so really wanted a girl the first time. For the second one, I wanted to give DD1 a sister, as having a sister has been one of the great pleasures of my life. I lucked out again when I had DD2.

Cupcakes123 · 11/01/2015 09:04

I really wanted a girl. But I just KNEW this baby was a boy, would have bet my life on it.
Was disappointed for all of 20 seconds at the scan when confirmed.

When DS popped out, he was all I wanted, he's amazing and if we had another, I'd want another boy so he had a little friend.
and selfishly I like being the only girl in the house

Inkspellme · 11/01/2015 09:59

first time I had no preference but had it stuck in my head that I waz having a boy. I had my dd instead. I adored her instantly and loved having a daughter.

second time I had a preference for a second girl but that was because it was what I knew and I felt that I wouldn't know how to raise a boy. I know that sounds daft. Ds arrived and I was def feeling a bit unsure of how I felt for the first couple of hours. I adored him but kept thinking about how could I relate to him when I didn't have a clue about what boys liked. I definitely overthought things! anyway, I quickly fell in love with my ds and all was fine!

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