to ask if honestly ... did you have a preference?

[chocgourmet]

DH and I are planning to TTC no2.

DS has just turned 1 and I really want a girl this time

I'm actually a bit scared to ttc in case it's another boy and it impacts on bonding with him which sounds awful.

Can anyone reassure me that these silly feelings go? Or not - and if they don't, how do you deal with them?

Could only ever imagine myself with boys and hoped I'd get my wish, and I did.

Honestly, I think I would have struggled if told I was having girls.

I wanted a boy, but now that I have DD I have a hard time imagining having anything other than a daughter. I'd probably want a girl next time too if we ever decide to have a 2nd kid.

I have 2 DS's. I am a bit sad I won't ever have a girl, but if I had had a girl I wouldn't have my beautiful baby boy and I can't imagine life without him.

I found out very early I was having twins. I desperately wanted 2 the same - wasn't bothered whether it was 2 girls or 2 boys, I just wanted them to be the same (I have a twin sister so wanted them to have the bond that 2 of the same sex would have - thought it wouldn't be quite as close with one of each).

It was a boy and a girl. They were so early though (12+ weeks) that I never actually thought about it when they were born, I just wanted them to live!

2nd pregnancy was probably driven by my desire to give DD a sister - amongst other things, so I was desperate for the baby to be a girl. I got a girl .

I remember thinking when pregnant with dc2 that I wanted them to be the same gender as dc1 in as much as if I could have chosen, that's what I'd have picked. But I wasn't bothered as such - I was just happy to be pregnant.

We have two ds's who are 6 and 4.

We're thinking about thinking about maybe, possibly TTC this year (currently a hot topic for debate whether we should wait until next year...which would probably be more sensible...)

I don't really have a preference at all. I quite like the idea of having a household of boys...I find men/boys so much easier than girls tbh. On the otherhand we have a beautiful family (girls) name that I would love to be able to use as a middle name for a dd. Ds's are the image of dh and I'd also be quite curious to see if a dd would look like me.

Dh very much wants a girl - so on balance I'd probably say a dd would be my preference now, for dh's sake.

Haven't read the thread but no, I couldn't have cared less in any of my pregnancies. I tend not to read these type of threads as there's always "I wanted a girl - boys are SO rough blah blah" or my favourite "you can dress girls in such pretty clothes" and both responses make me want to stab myself in the eye with a fork .

I have 2 boys and 1 girl, btw.

Yes I did, I only wanted one child so wanted a girl. I actually bawled my eyes out in the sonograpers room, because he was a boy. Obviously I love him to death know, but yes I very much had a preference x

I didn't have a preference for either.

I can see advantages in both and will admit those are entirely stereotypical. I think it's perfectly normal so didn't try to deal with those feelings.

Yes, I wanted a girl so convinced myself I was having a boy to get myself used to the idea! When I found out I was having a girl I was overjoyed. If I'd had another I wouldn't have had a preference but I desperately wanted a daughter.

I have a boy and a girl. I never had a preference either time.

I do think it must be good to have two of the same so you can pass down clothes!

Do you think all this preference for a particular sex comes from the fact that you can now be told in advance? When I had my DCs (four decades ago - yikes) I can honestly say it never crossed my mind because there was no way of knowing until they were born. All I ever hoped for was a healthy child (probably because there was no way of knowing before birth whether anything might be wrong). Friends of my generation pretty much all say the same.

So do you think it is scanning that is driving preferences?

Yes I wanted a boy, and got one. Pregnant again after a hard time ttc and wanted another boy, but having a girl.

I wanted a DS first and got one and then a DD and got two (twins). I don't know if it was because I have an older brother and then me but it just seemed right.

I wanted a girl 2nd time round, and deliberately found out the sex at 20 weeks so as to be prepared.

He was a boy, so I had 20 weeks to get over my disappointment and meet him with a genuine smile. I hated the thought that my first feeling might be disappointment when I met him, so got it out of the way early.

A friend deliberately didn't find out and struggled hugely when her 2nd dc was born (girl not boy as she'd wanted).

My advice is to find out early and get prepared.

I have 3 DSs. I chose not to find out the sex at the scans because I thought I might feel disappointed not to have a girl second and third time, but there was no way I could feel disappointed in the gorgeous baby boys I had just given birth to.

When I had DC1 I imagined myself having a boy. I always wanted a big brother so wanted a boy first.
I had DD.
Then for DC2 I wanted another DD as I am close to my sister and wanted the same for DD.
I had DS1
With DC3 and 4 I thought I'd have boys as FIL has two brothers and a sister and DH has two brothers and a sister. I was right.

I wanted a girl both times. We asked at 20w and found out DC2 was a boy. I basically went into denial about it and pretended we didn't know. I was scared of him turning out like my brother. I'm still scared of that TBH.

I didn't magically get over it as soon as he was born, and he was massively more challenging as a toddler than his articulate big sister so it hasn't been easy. But he is an incredible little boy who has blown our minds and our family would be all wrong without him being his exact self. He's not 'a boy', he is himself and we love him so much.

I only wanted boys and luckily both my children were boys.

When I thought I was pregnant with 3rd (unplanned) I really wanted a girl. Turned out I wasn't pregnant after all!

I wanted a girl more than anything!! I had no right to be picky as I'd had miscarriages and IVF but still.... I was overjoyed when I had DD. I have to say that now I've met her school friends who are boys and friends lovely baby boys I'd have been just as happy. .

grimble I think that is part of it. It's about the only thing you can find out about your child in advance (you can't tell whether they will be tall, or arty, or freckled, for example) so people tend to fixate on it and IMO give it more importance than it does have.

The other big difference from our generation is that small children are treated in much more sexist ways these days mainly by the toy and clothing industries, it's all "blue trucks for boys" and "pink ironing boards for girls" whereas in our generation children's toys and clothes were much more unisex. This tends to lead more people to think that little boys and little girls are very different, and so they are more likely to have a preference.

Logically I think there is no sense in having a preference because the child's gender doesn't really tell you anything about what they're going to be like.

Illogically however I did have a slight preference for a girl first time, and a boy second time. However I have a girl and am having a second girl and am very happy with that.

DC1 I really wanted a girl I was over the moon with DC2 I really wanted a girl but pretended I wanted a boy for DH she is a girl and with DC3 I also wanted a girl and we got another girl I honestly don't think I could manage a boy! Most of the boys around here are brought up with "boys will be boys" and are that my DD's climb trees and play in dirt after all they should be wearing pretty dresses helping DH do house work!

"he's not 'a boy', he is himself"

exactly