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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give in/not give in re 16

189 replies

Paddleslowly · 06/01/2015 19:48

Ds likes playing games on the xbox and often plays online with others. He is very into minecraft which I don't mind as it's age appropriate for him as he is twelve. He is now sulking that it's not fair because the rest of his friends from school are either playing Call of Duty, Grand theft Auto and Battlefield. And he is left out from the group players online. Most of his minecraft friends are from year 5/6.
He knows that I disagree with the first two games totally inappropriate for his age as they are 18. However I looked into the content on a demo of Battlefield which is a 16 rating. It seems to be soldiers running around a field firing at each other in the army. maybe I should let him grow up a bit more and let him play with his mates on Battlefield! Apparently I've ruined his life!! Think he is entering the Kevin and Perry stage

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 06/01/2015 19:50

Don't worry, he will rejoin the human species. Eventually. Good luck.

LadyLuck10 · 06/01/2015 19:50

Yanbu, stick to your rules. It's very inappropriate. Shame on those other parents.

Lazymummy2014 · 06/01/2015 19:54

I'd stick to your guns (as it were...). They have age ratings for a reason, and he is way off the given age for that game.

Maybe try to organise a non gaming activity for him and his mates so that he gets to be right in the thick of the group for a day - laser tag? paintball? - this might alleviate the ruined life whinging for a bit!

Original poster
Paddleslowly · 06/01/2015 19:58

I have said to him that no way will he be playing Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto and he says God it's not as if I'm going to go out and start killing people, you are so sad, why can't you just let me play it.

OP posts:
weegiemum · 06/01/2015 19:58

My ds is in S1 (y7) - he's 12, will be 13 in a month.

He has battlefield and (due to dh being a softy) CoD. Tbh he doesn't play CoD much at the moment, his current favourite is Far Cry (it's an 18 but lots of problem solving etc and he plays it over PSN with his best friend who goes to a different school).

He recommends Uncharted.

No Grand Theft Auto game will ever enter my home! And this makes me a "bad mother" according to ds. If he goes on about it then it's amazing how much Little Big Planet he has to play!

Our deal is that he can play these games, but one hint of aggressive behaviour or bad language and it's back to 3+ games for a week. Only had to do it once!

Hamiltoes · 06/01/2015 20:01

I fear i may be flamed for this as my views on age guidance seem to be rather backwards compared to others here on MN.

You know your child best, i've known 12 year olds with the mental age of 16 year olds, and 16 year olds with the mental age of 12 year olds!

What is it you are specifically worried about by letting your son play this game? Is he more sensitive, would the game frighten or scare him in any way? I think its important to remember that its a game.

Maybe you could ask one of his friends mums if they could loan your son the game for an evening, on the strict agreement of your son that you are with him while he plays. That way you can gauge his reaction, if he is shocked or distressed in any way you can talk it out with him and either explain why he shouldn't be distressed, or you can both decide that this game isn't actually worth "fitting in" for and he will enjoy minecraft even more!

Btw, my brother played grand theft auto from the age of 11 onwards and I can report no negative effects. He is fully aware that while it might be fun to steal cars and be chased by the police in a game, doing so in real life is morally wrong and will land you a hefty jail term.

2015 · 06/01/2015 20:05

My DC were not allowed 1st person shooting games until 15/16 and will never be allowed GTA in my house (even though they are now adults)

There are loads of great games about and there is absolutely no need for them to play ones designed for older age groups.

kittykat7210 · 06/01/2015 20:07

i know this is only half related, but at the age of 12 i was watching age 18 films, it hasnt harmed me, but i agree with previous posts, have him play it whilst you are there, and if he shows signs of distress, or even violence then stick to your guns and say he has to wait until he is older.

saoirse31 · 06/01/2015 20:07

Wouldn't have any issue with cod , or far cry.. or halo.. far cry etc. .. can understand him feeling left out if he's only playing mine craft. on other hand no one's life was ruined by lack of consoles/ games

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 06/01/2015 20:08

We have told our college age son that we don't want those games in our house. I have made it clear that he is an adult now and it is not about him, it is about me. If he wants to play them he can go to a coffee shop, the library or a friend's house and that is fine. He insisted on doing it anyway so I told him that he needed to go somewhere else and I meant it. He took the dog for a walk and apologised.

Our younger son isn't interested in those games yet but my policy will be the same. He will know I disapprove and why and if he chooses to do that somewhere else I won't interfere now he is older.

weegiemum · 06/01/2015 20:09

hamiltoes I suspect we're on the same page mainly.

My GTA aversion is the misogyny - shooting prostitutes is just a step too far!

357686312646216567629 · 06/01/2015 20:14

Parents are often mistaken in thing it is simply the content of the games that is unsuitable, it not - it's often the style of gameplay that is inappropriate.

The games are too intense and too 'much' (compelling?) for younger players. That's what leads to the frustration and anger as much as the content.

Greywackejones · 06/01/2015 20:17

May I make a point please? I don't have children at these ages yet however in the 80s it was films that corrupted. I saw gremlins way before I should have and viewed it purile. I also saw nightmare on elm street. That was a 15. I was 10. The blood and gore was silly. And fake. I saw through that. But what stayed with me was the idea of someone in my dreams. I did have nightmares on and off for well in to my twenties around that. My imagination was far worse.

I think age guidelines are that. You know your boy. Watch it with him. Just don't expect the results to be obvious or prescriptive. And they may not show for years. And that's where I would be cautious. As little things can add up can't they? But generally speaking I reckon it's unlikely he will be on crime watch because of this. Well I hope!

Original poster
Paddleslowly · 06/01/2015 20:19

Ds is a little sensitive but also independent. However he is 12 and not 18 and it is my rule that he doesn't play 18 games. They are for mature 18 year olds that can handle the contents. He knows it's only a game and not real but it's the content that is to much and violent in my mind.
Weggiemum would you recommend battlefield?

OP posts:
weegiemum · 06/01/2015 20:22

Battlefield is a first-person shooter and ds (right here) says it's pretty similar to CoD.

I'm coming over as a rather lax mother! Ds is lovely, really!!

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/01/2015 20:25

My DS is 16 and I have (almost) always been pretty strict with the age ratings of his games. Yes, this did lead to the sort of moaning you are experiencing now! I couldn't totally ban him from playing them as he could play them round at his friends' houses (only a four year difference from your son, but there was a lot less online group playing then). I just took the broken record approach that his brain was getting wired, making connections right now and that I wanted him to reach adulthood with a fully-functioning correctly-wired brain. His friends' brains were not my responsibility but his was and that was all there was to it. Amazingly, I think he got it.

Have asked DS for his opinion on Battlefield (instant reply - 'which one?') and he felt a lot of its rating was down to the swearing.

When he pushed for an 'older' game, I would ask him to borrow it from whichever friend had it and play it in front of me so that I could see it for myself. On this basis some games were allowed and some (most) refused. Generally I felt shooting slimy insectoid invading aliens was less problematic than human or human-like opponents.

There is a website that apparently contains parents reviews. I can't vouch for its veracity, but it might be useful?

Aked · 06/01/2015 20:26

Nothing wrong with battlefield for a normal sensible 12 year old. COD is not particularly bad either as he will be playing online multiplayer 99% of the time whereas the single player is more graphic and although it may not look it, it is quite tactical - the real downside to COD is actually that its incredibly addictive for kids and causes arguments over playing time. GTA - no.

hestialou · 06/01/2015 20:33

Grand theft auto is not in any way suitable , my husband plays it and I will.not remain in the room when he plays it. It is awful and whilst only a game I really don't like it

RandomNPC · 06/01/2015 20:39

Battlefield should be fine, it's pretty harmless stuff, APART from horrible American teenagers shouting 'fag' all the time online. The main problem in online gaming is that there are more than a few idiots involved.

RandomNPC · 06/01/2015 20:42

My daughter was playing Day Of Defeat ( a kind of proto Battlefield that's long gone now) from the age of about 8. She used to love it. It wasn't graphic though, no blood or gore really.

Original poster
Paddleslowly · 06/01/2015 20:51

My sisters husband plays GTA he is in his thirties and she has been shocked when walking in the room at what he is playing. She said he changes and is moody afterwards. I absolutely disagree with CoD and GTA or Black Ops but it seems a lot of primary age senior school yr 7's are playing them.
I'm the worst mum in the world at the moment but I'm trying to meet him in the middle. From what I gage from here it's a bit in the middle to and against which is informative.
He's just had another moan and that Battlefield is harmless! I may go and buy it and play it myself when he is at school to see. I guess I'm not that much in control anymore and he is growing up Confused

OP posts:
JustAnotherControlFreak · 06/01/2015 21:05

I play all 3 of the above options and in all honesty would be making DS wait until he could personally buy the games (pocket money/part-time wages & age legal). Once they have them it's extremely hard to monitor what content they're playing and being exposed to - particularly online. Are you comfortable with DS casually swearing at and/or threatening strangers? Even if he doesn't personally do it you can guarantee he will be receiving that abuse or witnessing someone else receiving it. The games are visually quite gory but as a pp mentioned CoD and the like are also 'thinky' games leading to the want to finish a chapter, and all the frustration that can come with that.

RandomNPC · 06/01/2015 21:12

Paddleslowly, you can probably download a demo of Battlefield for free from somewhere, legitimately. You can then review it and see what you think. If he's on an Xbox, try Xbox live. If on a PC, try Steam.

SaucyMare · 06/01/2015 21:15

I dont know any of the games mentioned but like someone else said, with my son whilst we are playing world of warcraft, i stick to the killing obv. Monsters and steer away om the human quests. So another vote for whichever one is killing slimy aliens.

RandomNPC · 06/01/2015 21:15

Sigh, I used to play Battlefield 1942 back in the day. I used to enjoy shooting poorly animated Germans.

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