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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give in/not give in re 16

189 replies

Paddleslowly · 06/01/2015 19:48

Ds likes playing games on the xbox and often plays online with others. He is very into minecraft which I don't mind as it's age appropriate for him as he is twelve. He is now sulking that it's not fair because the rest of his friends from school are either playing Call of Duty, Grand theft Auto and Battlefield. And he is left out from the group players online. Most of his minecraft friends are from year 5/6.
He knows that I disagree with the first two games totally inappropriate for his age as they are 18. However I looked into the content on a demo of Battlefield which is a 16 rating. It seems to be soldiers running around a field firing at each other in the army. maybe I should let him grow up a bit more and let him play with his mates on Battlefield! Apparently I've ruined his life!! Think he is entering the Kevin and Perry stage

OP posts:
JainaProudmoore · 07/01/2015 04:08

JohnQuig

But surely driving games are more harmful (they're very realistic). They're more likely to actually get in a car at some point than handle a gun or pick up a prostitute.

Errr...
Having been allowed to play games I shouldn't have when I was 12, I can tell you its not games like Gran Turismo that had any harmful effects on me. I agree with Hermitcrab, just because a child cannot go out and copy what they see in a game doesn't mean its not harmful.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 07/01/2015 06:07

No version of GTA will ever come into my house. Ever.
If that makes Me controlling or whatever else then fine. I don't care.

ds1 is 16. He plays Destiny, Far cry, CoD, all of which he got for Christmas this year. He doesn't even bother to ask about GTA because it ain't going to happen. When he has his own house he can play whatever he likes.

nooka · 07/01/2015 06:34

Well I suppose so TheHermitCrab, but I don't think that watching a film that includes violent or troubling scenes is the same as acting them out in a game. Plus I think that there is a difference between watching a movie together, which in our family involves lots of discussion, and playing a game on your own.

Anyway we all have different lines in the sand, and that's one that dh and I have set. It's not caused any issues as yet, dh and I have been together for over 20 years so I doubt he's suddenly going to want to play games that I have a significant objection too, especially as if anything he is more sensitive to misogyny, sexism and sexual violence than I am.

DropYourSword · 07/01/2015 06:37

Yes JohnQuig that would have been classified as name calling in my house in the OPs context. It's not groaning at a bad joke, it's saying something unpleasant (even though I agree it's mild) because the child isn't getting his own way. I honestly wouldn't have dared speak back to my dad, and therefore my mum by extension. He would not think that was a joke. In another context it would have been totally appropriate.
But, y'know, thanks for implying I'm humorless because I hold a different opinion to you Hmm

browneyedgirl86 · 07/01/2015 06:47

Tantrumsandballons- Can I ask why you don't allow GTA (which is fine) but you do allow Far Cry and COD? Far cry is also an 18. In that game, the language is strong, the cut scenes are quite violent and the player attacks people and animals with a variety of weapons. Throw in a few more cars and prostitutes and you have GTA.

It's fine to not like GTA and to not allow your son to play it, just seems a bit unusual to ban one violent game but allow another adult game.

As for the posters who said they would ask their children at 18 to move out for playing a game? I despair. If

browneyedgirl86 · 07/01/2015 06:48

Whoops hit send before I could finish on my iPhone!

If any parent asks their adult child to move out for playing a video game (assuming no other issues) then that's sad.

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 07/01/2015 06:50

Halo or Destiny are a good middle ground between Minecraft and CoD etc. Your DS might find a few of his friends are playing those, or there's always plenty of players to friend and join in with once you're on them.

Notnaice · 07/01/2015 06:54

I had to give in about cod as he was right. Everybody else did play it. I held out till he was 12. I watched it myself then and it wasn't as bad as I was imagining. Not great but not as bad as I thought and I didn't want ds to be the outcast at school. But I've explained why I won't let Gta enter the house and ds understands.

JCDenton · 07/01/2015 07:54

I agree that 'and it never did me any harm!' is a poor argument, nobody thinks that GTA will make you a mass murderer, more that it's inappropriate for children, which it is.

Agree on Far Cry, browneyes, I played 3 and enjoyed it but I would definitely be scratching my head if I were a 15 year old allowed to play Far Cry but GTA will never ever be allowed.

mushypeasontoast · 07/01/2015 07:54

My ds(14&13) play minecraft. We relented and allowed one of the halo ones as it was a 16.

After much consultation with db who is a gamer-tested games before they hit the market- and checking out the child settings I allowed cod.

They are not allowed to play campaign but on line is fine.

Gta will never come into my home.

pbwer · 07/01/2015 10:14

I've been a gamer for nigh on 30 years now.

As a parent, if you are not also a gamer and educated in the content of these games and therefore in a position to make an informed judgment of whether your precious will cope with a game then you should be taking note of the age ratings on the box.

They have been put there by better informed people than you.

357686312646216567629 · 07/01/2015 10:56

JohnQuaig. I was one of several posters who said I won't allow GTA in MY house. My adult DC are welcome to do what they want in their own houses.

I also don't allow porn in the house.

It's never been an issue with DC. I explained why I don't like it and they agree with me. Not every child is desperate to play it. We are a huge gaming family but GTA isn't part of it

TheHermitCrab · 07/01/2015 14:21

Nookabetween watching a movie together, which in our family involves lots of discussion, and playing a game on your own.

But there's nothing stopping you playing GTA as a group and discussing the issues brought up in the game such as prostitution, drugs, crime...etc just the same you would discuss a gang violently raping women in a Kubrick film.

Not saying you should do that, just saying, these games don't need to be someone alone in a room indulging. Me and my partner enjoy them together.

TheHermitCrab · 07/01/2015 14:36

357686312646216567629

I'm sure you may hear or see your adult child playing GTA in a house. Maybe, maybe not. If they are in their own room.

As for porn, if they were going to watch it I would hope it would be so discreet you wouldn't know they were!

"Mum/Dad knock before you come in tonight, got my porn downloading"

Original poster
Paddleslowly · 07/01/2015 14:53

Ds calling me sad is Banter apparently according to him. I do not tolerate backchat or rudeness , I did pick him up on it and he said sorry. I have always said an out right no to playing cod, GTA because of the content. A 12 year old has no business seeing that sort of content and thinking violence against women is the norm. Walmart in America has actually banned selling GTA v due to protests from women because of its content of violence towards women. So there for me is my stance on it never being played by ds.
He has asked about halo aswell so I will look at that one

OP posts:
42bunnytails · 07/01/2015 14:57

YANBU, in theory, in practice even my two girls 13/16 seem to like playing CofD and Halo at other people's houses and have a £1.99 old halo here.

It really seems to be a loosing battle. Apart from Lego games, mind craft and some driving games there is nothing for football hating teens to play that isn't violent.

And actually Lego superHeros is 100% smashing things and Forza Horizon is appallingly sexist. You can be a girl driver, the only females are an annoying DJ on the radio or a pit Dolly chatting the drivers up in buttock revealing hot pans.

Honestly game designers women and girls play computer games tooAngry

42bunnytails · 07/01/2015 14:58

Can't be a female driver

ZanyMobster · 07/01/2015 15:10

I would be ok with COD and Battlefield but never with GTA. I would not even like it if they were 18 TBH, it is vile. My DCs are 8 & 6 so haven't asked for COD etc yet and until senior school it will definitely be a no but I am not sure I can see a huge issue at 12+.

There are quite a few games such as WWE 2K15 which are rated 16 but I have no idea why so it is worth doing some googling if you are unsure on any other games.

Altinkum · 07/01/2015 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DialsMavis · 07/01/2015 15:24

I let DS have Halo and I'm considering Destiny, he is the same age and I get hassled in the same way as you. He does play awful games at friends houses though. Now could you all answer my music censorship question in chat please?

NewYearNewBrie · 07/01/2015 16:27

Oh my goodness gracious me. How many threads do we need of this.
I've been playing properly violent, bloody, gorey games since the age of six. Resident Evil is my all-time favourite franchise. it's amazing, a child wouldn't even understand the story. It's just fun. I've turned out completely fine. Both me and DP have played GTA since 10. I have never, ever, killed a prostitute. I mean, I have because me and DP think its funny. We find killing anyone/thing in that game funny.
I work full time in a solicitors and doing open university. I failed school due to depression. Me and DP agreed that we wouldn't let a child under 16 play the game even though we did however you don't have to kill prositutes. Sex is something that gives you health. You just buy chocolate bars instead.
I've been watching violent films from my dad's video collection (nightmare on elm street and such) without him knowing since about 9. we had an extensive film collection. I got the DVD on my 11th birthday. I'm a seasoned horror fan. Nothing has become of me apart from I find films that will scare me more and more because i absolutely love them. its a hobby. I've met friends from America, australia, japan through online gaming and youtubing.
yeah they are awful games but a child is not going to copy them if you tell them ITS NOT REAL. It's not real, its wrong to copy, dont do it. and they won't.
my mum told me this, i didn't copy. i'm fine. there's nothing wrong with the games at all.

DialsMavis · 07/01/2015 16:44

Do you not agree with age ratings for games and films Brie?

JohnQuig · 07/01/2015 17:09

357686312646216567629

You don't know how ridiculous you sound. Adult children can't pick their own entertainment because YOU don't like it? If my mother moved in with me, would she be required to not watch EastEnders because I don't like it? See, it's ridiculous, isn't it?

Oh and as for porn, I can guarantee your sons are definitely watching it, no matter what you think. Don't think I'd be consulting my parents on that, it'd be private...

JohnQuig · 07/01/2015 17:12

DialsMavis

Not who you were responding to, but I'll tell you my view. I like age ratings for games, because it means kids can't decide for themselves they want it and go and buy that game. However, ratings should not be taken as stone - parents should do their research and see if their OWN CHILD is mature enough to handle it - so if you have a 12 year old who you think can handle GTA, let them. However, I genuinely think parents should stop being in control of things like that at around 15/16.

foreverton · 07/01/2015 17:22

I'm going through the exact same thing, ds is 12 in March and loves minecraft, fifa and Disney infinity for Xbox one.
He is hounding me for gta 5 as "everyone has it" and he feels left out.
He got plenty of money from family at Christmas so assumed it would be ok to buy it out of his own money, I wouldn't have it in my house even if it was free!
My sil found it strange that I allowed him to watch the inbetweeners movie but not gta 5.
She won't allow her 13 yo dd to watch the inbetweeners but allows her 6yo dts to play gta 5!
We've agreed to disagree:)