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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

G/Children sleepover at granny's house

719 replies

Zabelithe · 04/01/2015 20:00

I'd be interested to hear at what age most of you mums let your DD and DS sleep at granny's house. I ask because our GD who is 4 and a half has still not been allowed to stay at ours despite the fact we have looked after her during the day while mum was working.

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 04/01/2015 20:02

I think it depends on a few factors, though 4 does seem quite old.
What was dad doing?

MrsTawdry · 04/01/2015 20:02

Mine did not until age 6 plus. This was because they were both the type to wake up with nightmares and even Daddy wouldn't do....I just knew that if I wasn't there then they'd be sad/frightened

diddl · 04/01/2015 20:02

Never happened without us.

does it have to happen?

bellybuttonfairy · 04/01/2015 20:03

Goodness! As soon as I was barely breastfeeding them - they were off! My mum now regularly has the 3 dc about every 2 months (lives far away).

Letthemtalk · 04/01/2015 20:03

I honestly can't remember, definitely before they'd started school though. Like you my dmil looked/looks after my DC while I work, I trust her implicitly worth my children and they love going for sleepovers. Maybe your child doesn't want to be seen to be imposing or taking advantage?

loudarts · 04/01/2015 20:03

Pfb Was 7 before she slept at dm, dc2 was 6, dc3 was 5, dc4 was 3 dcs 5 and 6 (2.5 and 1) havent slept out yet

Hoppinggreen · 04/01/2015 20:04

Mine did as soon as they slept through regularly, about 1 I think.
That was both my mums and mil's but I think it should happen whenever both parents feel comfortable with it rather than at any particular age

PortofinoVino · 04/01/2015 20:06

As soon as possible - about 4 months I think Grin

Stealthpolarbear · 04/01/2015 20:06

Loudarts how did you manage to give birth to subsequent children! Ds had slept out before for a nigt but having dd when he was 2 was the first time he slept out for 2 nits so we didn't see him for a whole day iyswim.

TeenAndTween · 04/01/2015 20:06

My DDs have never stayed at their GPs independent of us (probably because they are 90minutes away).

DD2 has recently done her first ever night away from me, age 10, instigated as practice for a school residential.

Doingakatereddy · 04/01/2015 20:06

DS was 6 months old, DD never / she doesn't bloody sleep & MIL is terrified of her.

If I'm really horribly honest, I'd say that if MIL looked after my DC I might be bit reluctant for them to stay over in case they got too attached to her. It's a jealousy thing - it's not pleasant but it's painful truth

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 20:07

dd jasmine never spent a night away from me, she is 16 months and a bad sleeper and only mummy will do. not prepared tp put her through the upset just to get a good night's kip

Iggly · 04/01/2015 20:09

Er I would when I knew ds was OK at night - he is now and is 5.

When I had dd, the GPs stayed with us and I put ds to bed before going off to the hospital.

LingDiLong · 04/01/2015 20:09

My elder two were probably around 4. My youngest is now 4.5 and hasn't yet. Does the child herself want to stay? Some kids are quite old before they want to sleep out and some never do! My brother never stayed at my grandmother's because he didn't want to. Me and my sister regularly did.

Is it really a case of 'not being allowed'?

erin99 · 04/01/2015 20:09

Ours have never stayed at ILs' house without us. They are 8 and 6.

A thread on an internet forum saying this is abnormal would certainly not change our minds on this. They do stay with my parents.

Stealthpolarbear · 04/01/2015 20:09

Serious question how do people whose answer is never have second children? Did you all have home births?
My plan was to drop ds at nursery while in labour, go to hospital, have dd and pick him up in time for tea. Dd didn't like that plan, and wanted to be born just before midnight.

SwingingBalls · 04/01/2015 20:09

As soon as they were sleeping through. Mil couldn't wait and who was I to deny her the pleasure Smile

Iggly · 04/01/2015 20:09

If I'm really horribly honest, I'd say that if MIL looked after my DC I might be bit reluctant for them to stay over in case they got too attached to her. It's a jealousy thing - it's not pleasant but it's painful truth

That is very sad you do realise.... Your MIL isn't a threat.

Stealthpolarbear · 04/01/2015 20:10

Thanks iggly

BMO · 04/01/2015 20:10

From about 6 months - it wasn't a case of "letting them", it was me begging my mum to have them Grin

bebumba · 04/01/2015 20:10

My Ds was about 6m old when he first stayed at my parents. He slept there regularly and used to go 'on holiday' to Grandma and Grandads house for a few nights in the school holidays once he started school. He is now 15 and both my parents have died in the last few years. He has great memories of his holidays at their house.
I hope you are allowed to have your Granddaughter stay with you soon.

LingDiLong · 04/01/2015 20:11

Stealth - actually that was the very first time my 2nd child stayed over at my mum's; it was a dummy/practice run for when I had my 3rd.

Ragwort · 04/01/2015 20:12

It seems a bit extreme to say your GC is not 'allowed' to stay over night with you - has this been explicity said to you? Do the children sleep over night with other relatives/friends?

My parents (no ILs) lived too far away for our DS to stay over night with them - it would have been a 16 hour round trip to drop him off Grin but when my parents came to stay with us DH and I occasionally went away and left our DS with them, he was about 1 the first time it happened but I would have been happy to let them look after him overnight from a much earlier age if distance hadn't been such an issue.

Some parents just don't like their children staying out overnight - my closest friend has two DC aged 10 & 12 and they have only once had a night apart.

ByTheWishingWell · 04/01/2015 20:12

DD is only 16 months, and it hasn't happened yet. I don't see why we would arrange for her to stay elsewhere unless it was really necessary for a good few years. Once she's older, when she asks for sleepovers and we're confident that she won't wake up wanting us, or get upset being somewhere else, I'll see it differently.

I think this is one of those things that we maybe just see the way our parents did it as 'normal'- I didn't sleep away from my parents until I was having sleepovers with school friends, and the only time they went away for a weekend my gran stayed with me at our house. DP would have quite happily let DD stay at PILs when she was a few months old (not possible as she is breastfed), and has good memories of regularly staying at his gran's house.

I would think 4 and a half too young for unnecessary sleepovers, although DP would disagree.

dragdownthemoon · 04/01/2015 20:12

Ds1 stayed overnight at 8months, dS2 was slightly olr as I breastfed longer, DD was about 1 I think. When they were 8, 4 and 2 my mum took them on holiday for 4 days on her own.

My kids love my mum and my mum is ace, they love sleeping over there and I love the break!

That said, if they didn't want to i would never force it. Though i would bribe them into wanting to go if I had a Special night out planned ;)