Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

G/Children sleepover at granny's house

719 replies

Zabelithe · 04/01/2015 20:00

I'd be interested to hear at what age most of you mums let your DD and DS sleep at granny's house. I ask because our GD who is 4 and a half has still not been allowed to stay at ours despite the fact we have looked after her during the day while mum was working.

OP posts:
duplodon · 04/01/2015 21:18

I haven't with MIL because I'm not massively happy with her discipline style - she minds SILs overnight while we are there and will roar shut up at them for chatting and once threatened one of them with being thrown out into the doghouse on a cold rainy night for minor chit chat. She isn't an ogre and is also kind but I'm just not comfortable with this kind of extreme reaction to kids just chatting in their beds, really bothering no one... So it won't be happening any time soon.

theeternalstudent · 04/01/2015 21:20

at 8 months. DD now calls up her gran and asks her when she can have a sleep over at her house. They have such a lovely relationship.

Writerwannabe83 · 04/01/2015 21:21

My sister let her MIL have the baby for an overnight stay when it was just 6 weeks old Shock

My dad has been having his grandchildren overnight (my sisters children) since they were about 15 months old. They are now 5 and 9 and they still stay overnight with my dad at least one weekend a month.

My DS is 9 months and I think when he's about 1 the sleepovers with grandparents will start Smile

Coconutty · 04/01/2015 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gatehouse77 · 04/01/2015 21:22

As soon as they'd stopped breastfeeding, so circa 1 year old.

For us, fostering bonds with the wider family has been just as important as our own.

weeblueberry · 04/01/2015 21:27

DD is 20mo and hasn't yet. Mainly because DPs parents live down south so when DD is there we're also there too and my mum watches her all week while I work so I sort of feel like she needs her nights to herself!!

iwantittobepink · 04/01/2015 21:29

I have a 3 and a half month DD, and next week she will be staying with her granny (my mil) for 2 nights. I don't think this is too young, I think as she sleeps through the night already its nice for her to go and bond with her granny without me being around influencing her. I've heard that at 5 months lots of babies get attachment anxiety, and I'm hoping that the important people in her life being around her will prevent this. Not that I'm not dreading leaving her... it will hurt me much more :)

WD41 · 04/01/2015 21:29

DD was 2.5 when she first stayed overnight with my parents. Probably would have done so earlier but I was BFing until she was 2.

She's never stayed with MIL. Several reasons - she lives a couple of hours away, she's on her own and older than my parents. I would worry too much leaving DD with her overnight.

I don't get the "not allowed" thing though...my parents have only had DD as a favour to us is we could go to weddings etc. They wouldn't actually ask or want to otherwise. Why do some grandparents have to wet their knickers over looking after GCs when it's not needed?

teacher54321 · 04/01/2015 21:32

Ds stayed with PIL for one night (very local very hands on) from 10 months old and my parents for two nights (less local but very keen and hands on) at about 16 months. Ds regularly sleeps over at grandma's now (he's three in April). Dh works shifts and I have lots of evening commitments (music teacher so concerts etc) and often it's easier for them to babysit at home than at our house. He has his own bed at each house and loves it. He's a lucky boy!

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 04/01/2015 21:32

MIL had DS for 2 nights at about 6 months so we could get a weekend away together. With my mum it wasn't so straightforward as she was a smoker at that point. It's never been a regular thing but DS loves both his grannies and I am always happy to encourage this.

monkeytroubles · 04/01/2015 21:33

DD spent her first night at my Mum and Dad's when she was 6 months old. She has never spent the night at PIL's but then they have never offered.

BathshebaDarkstone · 04/01/2015 21:34

My DD's been staying at my aunt's since she was about 1! Grin

Apricota · 04/01/2015 21:35

4 months. Twins.

hiccupgirl · 04/01/2015 21:41

Neither sets of gps live near to us so when we visit them we all stay there.

PIL have stayed at our house a couple of time to look after DS when we went away overnight - the first time was at 14 months and didn't go well. DS is 5 now and has never stayed anywhere overnight without us yet.

Maybe your GD doesn't want to stay at yours yet? Or maybe her parents don't feel she is ready yet? Either way it's not up to you to decide when she should stay overnight for the first time IMO.

Ionacat · 04/01/2015 21:41

DD has stayed with my sister aged 3, and my Mum (now passed away) had her overnight at 18 months but she came to us whilst Oh and I went for a weekend away. I wouldn't let her stay with in-laws though as she doesn't know them well enough as they live a fair distance away. (It would have to wait until she was old enough for a secret snack stash as MiL's cooking is awful, but no one dares tell her - we all come away starving and end up at a drive-thru McDonalds as there's one 20 minutes away on the way home!)

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/01/2015 21:50

Nope neither my parents nor MIL have ever asked/shown interest in having their DGC to sleepover. They all live very close by, have no health problems that would stop them. My eldest is nearly 7 yrs old.

Funnily enough they make out to friends/family/strangers that they're fabulous hands on GPs Hmm

And yes, I'm Envy of those who have! makes me feel like they're rejecting/can't be arsed with their own DGC. I knew I shouldn't have opened this thread Sad

StilleNachtCarolling · 04/01/2015 21:52

DD1 was 10 weeks old - she was sleeping through from 8 weeks - my mum and then stepdad were desperate to have her and DH and I were wanting to resume marital relations again (I tore very badly and so it took a long time to pluck up the courage again, and I have to admit it wasn't all that pleasant!!). She stayed there a few times again until DD2 came along, 5 weeks after my step dad sadly died unexpectedly. My mum didn't have either of them overnight until DD2 was finished with BF 15 months later. I think that DD2 was almost 2 before they stayed o/n. She only had them probably 2 or 3 times after that, over the next year or so and then DS came along. That was over 3 years ago and she's had all three of them probably 3 times during that time. They are desperate to have more 'sleepovers' but my mum resists. She doesn't see them all that frequently despite living in the same town, it's quite sad. She tells everyone she knows that she adores her GC (my sister has 3 too) and loves to spend all her time with them but she hardly ever does.

Having said that, she did take all six GC away to a caravan by the sea (with her friend, who the kids know). That was for an entire week - I think she was exhausted by the end of it. The two older girls (my sister's) I think were landed with a lot of child minding duties, which I was quite cross about (as was my sister!) because it was supposed to be their holiday too! DH and I slunk off for a short city break to Venice though, which was lovely!

I'm not sure about sending the kids to my MIL to stay on their own though - as she's quite a way away (2.5hrs drive) and she's quite frail. She also smokes like a chimney and so wouldn't be able to supervise the kids AND not smoke in front of them, if you know what I mean. Having said that, my SIL lives at the bottom of the garden and her kids love ours so they'd be able to help out.

plantsitter · 04/01/2015 21:54

My PIL have had my kids from babies. My parents never. I would be happy for them to go more often but they don't really like being away from home so I don't make them unless it's for a good reason.

That might be why it's not allowed, or maybe her parents are just anxious about nightmares/wetting the bed/GD not really understanding what she's letting herself in for. Have you actually suggested it?

QuinnTwinny · 04/01/2015 21:54

My son did from 9 months. His father (GM son) had passed away a few months before though, allowed her to form a beautiful bond with her grandson after she had lost her son (lovely to watch them together still) and allowed me the chance to socialise with friends occasionally.

thegreylady · 04/01/2015 21:55

I had my two youngest first at 3 and 5 because I didn't want to do it earlier. If there was an overnight babysit I slept at their house before that.
I have done days (ar least 2 a week) since they were a few months old though. Overnighters have always been my choice, their other gm did it a bit earlier I think.

Physcobitch · 04/01/2015 21:58

DS stayed in my mums without me at 5weeks old I'd stayed a few times before with him and knew he'd be fine. He is 7 months now and stays at least once every 4-6weeks depending if I am going out for the night with DH or friends. My mum also has him while I work 5 days a week
She loves having him stay overnight

DragonMamma · 04/01/2015 21:59

No ILs as they live abroad but my DC have stayed at my DMs from a few months old in the case of DC1 and slightly older for DC2 (so she felt ok with having the 2 of them).

My DM lives 2 miles away so is very involved in their lives and sees them most days.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 04/01/2015 22:01

my pils had dc from quite young but only as I thought stupidly its what you do , its what has to be done sort of thing....

my dc came back quiet and not happy and sort of stunned took days to warm them up again i also realised their priorities were to themselves and not the actual well being and happiness of the dc, ie if they screamed instead of calling us, they would simply keep them...so they dont go there anymore over night at all.

TerrifiedMothertobe · 04/01/2015 22:03

Went to my parents pas soon as I had finished breastfeeding, around 6 months. Inlaws, when he was 2.

Sunnyshine · 04/01/2015 22:06

As soon as they slept through reasonable hours 8-6 ish. They live 50 minutes away and go now at least twice a month. Have stayed a week as well.