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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

G/Children sleepover at granny's house

719 replies

Zabelithe · 04/01/2015 20:00

I'd be interested to hear at what age most of you mums let your DD and DS sleep at granny's house. I ask because our GD who is 4 and a half has still not been allowed to stay at ours despite the fact we have looked after her during the day while mum was working.

OP posts:
Mammanat222 · 04/01/2015 20:26

Never. DS is 25 months.

It's not a case of 'not allowing' him to stay out there is just no need. My folks and PIL live close enough to pop round and babysit without the hassle of an overnight stay (little one is a good sleeper at home but I expect he'd be too excited ar granny's house)

I don't foresee him staying out anytime soon but I have no objection to it when he does want to.

OP - why are you not allowed to have your GD stay?

yomellamoHelly · 04/01/2015 20:28

Ds was 6 and a bit. They all found it really difficult despite them looking after him at our house several times before this and making a huge effort to make it fun. Has never been repeated. (He's 11 now.)

MaryWestmacott · 04/01/2015 20:28

Different families do things differently and different parents feel differently about being away from their DCs. Some people can't wait to hand their DCs over, some hate not seeing them.

If both your DS and DIL work full time, then the evenings and weekends will be their only time with their DD, it would be much more understandable that working parents don't want a 'break' from their DC, but want to make the most of the time they get.

Ask full time working parents and you'll get very different views to giving up time on evenings and weekends than parents who are at home all day with them.

Mammanat222 · 04/01/2015 20:28

Also same as poster above..... new baby due in a few weeks and my mum will come to our house and have DS. He is easier and calmer in his own environment.

MissHJ · 04/01/2015 20:31

My son has not yet spent a night away from me and he is 15 months old and I can not see it happening until he is a lot older and asks for a sleepover and that would probably be my mum's house or my aunt's house who he is close to. My inlaws only make the effort to see him once every couple of months despite leaving near so they will never have him overnight.

addictedtosugar · 04/01/2015 20:32

Don't think DS1 stayed without his little brother, so I imagine about 3.5 and 1.5 at my parents. And a requirement, as we had a wedding to go to the kids weren't invited to, and we wanted to go to.

Never with the PiL.

PiL have spent a week here, during school holidays, while DH and I worked.

Kids have spent a short week at my parents in the holidays.

couchparsnip · 04/01/2015 20:34

My two slept over at GP from about 3 and 5 years. We had just moved back into the same town and my mum suggested it when I asked if they could babysit. She says its easier for her and my dad if they don't have to drive over to ours and back late at night. Plus they get to spend more time with DGCs and we have breakfast in bed. IYKWIM.

catgirl1976 · 04/01/2015 20:38

At about 10 months, DS spent every Sunday night there as they looked after him Mondays and it was easier than dropping him in the morning.

catgirl1976 · 04/01/2015 20:38

At about 10 months, DS spent every Sunday night there as they looked after him Mondays and it was easier than dropping him in the morning.

catgirl1976 · 04/01/2015 20:38

At about 10 months, DS spent every Sunday night there as they looked after him Mondays and it was easier than dropping him in the morning.

catgirl1976 · 04/01/2015 20:38

He's now 3 and stays over Monday nights as well and they drop him at nursery on Tuesday.

FilbertSnood · 04/01/2015 20:39

My 4.5 yr old DD is often asked by my MIL if she would like to stay over - to which she says yes. And then tells me quietly no! She loves her grandma, but is wary of staying away from home. I'd never prevent it, but I tend to get my sisters to stay over at ours if we need to leave them as my 2yr old DS is a pain at night and is easier to deal with that on home turf! I do wonder if my MIL thinks she is "not allowed"... Which she would be, but am not forcing it until DD willing to go!

AmantesSuntAmentes · 04/01/2015 20:40

In our case, never.

AmantesSuntAmentes · 04/01/2015 20:40

In our case, never.

thoth · 04/01/2015 20:41

7, 6, and 5, mainly due to nighttime issues. (smallest sleeps well). GPs had them in the day plenty, from youngish age, but overnights weren't possible until those ages. It really depends on the child, and the sleeping arrangements.

Norfolkandchance1234 · 04/01/2015 20:45

My DS and DD slept at my DM from around 4 months onwards so got used to it from an early age. This means they are pretty much ok staying over at friends houses for sleepovers and brownie and cub camps.

They never stay over at PiL because they don't like it and there's no need to really.

tippytappywriter · 04/01/2015 20:45

Dd was about 7 months. Ds was 3 years. That is at my parents. They have never stayed at in laws on their own.
Does the child actually want to stay over?

amyjayde · 04/01/2015 20:45

DD has always been very close to both my parents and as we only live 2 mins away she started sleeping there from about 18 months however she's very comfortable there and see's them most days, however she's never slept at mil's and won't be for the foreseeable future due to them not spending a lot of time together since she was born and many issues I won't go in to Hmm

Mintyy · 04/01/2015 20:45

My pfb stayed over with my step mother and father twice between the ages of 2 and 3. Once was for 3 nights/2 days when we went to Rome for my 40th, once for a night when we went to a wedding in Wales. Then she didn't go there again for years because we had another baby and it just didn't come up!

My dh's parents, who live much further away, kept asking to have her for 4 or 5 days in the summer holidays from age 5 onwards. We said no until she was about 8, until we knew for sure that she wanted to go and would be ok away from us for that long.

ChoudeBruxelles · 04/01/2015 20:46

Ds was 6 weeks with my mum. 6 with mil. My mum looked after ds before I went back to work when I needed a bit of a break and then some of the time when I was at work. Mil wasn't interested until ds was older

nulgirl · 04/01/2015 20:47

My dcs stay at my parents 3 nights every fortnight when I am travelling with work. They are now 6 and 8. They didn't start staying until they were 2 or so as I didn't wean them until 18 months and there wasn't any need for them to go. They love it there and have a wonderful very close bond with my parents. They have never stayed at the in laws without us but that is due to them living in another country and being complete oddballs that I don't trust.

slithytove · 04/01/2015 20:58

Not yet at 21mo and 3 mo (bf)

They have a planned sleepover at pils in August, but we will be coming home hammered about 3am.

Still tempted to get a hotel.

Tollygunge · 04/01/2015 21:03

Mine from 6 weeks. Wasn't breastfeeding and it was a best friends wedding. My mum and mil are both wonderful. My daughter is as closely bonded with my mum and mil as she is me. I love it, not jealous at all. If anything I'm jealous of my dd that she has such wonderfully close relationships with her grandparents, something I never had. She adores (and is adored) by grandfathers too. She now sleeps at my mums once every week.

Birdsgottafly · 04/01/2015 21:10

I think some Mums want to develop a co-dependency and a level of learned helplessness in their children.

I slept out from very young, in my GPs and had a wonderful relationship with them.

I had sleepovers in friends from five. That was the 70's and the norm in my peer group.

I let my children stay at my Mums from four, she isn't good with babies.

My DDs range from 17-29 and have a lovely close relationship with my Mum.

I've had my Nephew overnight since he was two weeks old and will have my Granddaughter soon, at nearly a month old.

I will then start to have her overnight occasionally so my DD and her DP have couple time, they are in their early 20's.

She's finding she can pump a fair amount of BM though. I couldn't pump anything out.

lomega · 04/01/2015 21:18

My DS has only slept around my DM's once when he was about 5 months old - there was a work do I couldn't get out of and couldn't bring him so I had no choice. DM was only too willing! But I hated it, every second, and when I got home and got into bed it felt like the house was empty and missing something. I couldn't wait to get to DM's in the morning to pick him up and I haven't had him sleep out away from me since. If he stays overnight anywhere I stay with him. He is never alone with my ILs but this is their choice as they are not physically fit to care for ds.