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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

G/Children sleepover at granny's house

719 replies

Zabelithe · 04/01/2015 20:00

I'd be interested to hear at what age most of you mums let your DD and DS sleep at granny's house. I ask because our GD who is 4 and a half has still not been allowed to stay at ours despite the fact we have looked after her during the day while mum was working.

OP posts:
slithytove · 04/01/2015 22:06

I think some Mums want to develop a co-dependency and a level of learned helplessness in their children.

And this is based on the fact that some kids haven't slept at gps yet?

MuffinMcLay23 · 04/01/2015 22:06

With my parents from around 15 months. Never with ILs. Just wouldn't be comfortable with that.
It's interesting that you use the word "allowed". You seem to think you have some sort of right to have your grandchildren stay overnight. You have no such right. If their parents don't want them to stay overnight with you maybe you should ask yourself why that might be?

BananaLeaf · 04/01/2015 22:10

I stayed at my own DGMs house from as young as I can remember and loved it. DD is 1 and I'd be happy for her to stay over but my mum is dead and MIL would prob do it in a pinch but with a lot of stressing about the travel cot being set up in the lounge and worrying that she would wake up.

grannytomine · 04/01/2015 22:14

One of my GC slept over with me at 2 weeks old, other two at a few months old.

drbonnieblossman · 04/01/2015 22:14

6 weeks here.

campingfilth · 04/01/2015 22:14

5 weeks and then on a regular basis from 5 months as I worked nights. I've never been that fussed about it tbh and find it bizarre that you wouldn't let your child stay with someone that bought you up (apart from abuse obviously) My DS has also had sleepovers at friends and other relatives from an early age too.

I always remember how exciting it was staying at relatives houses and who much I loved it which I think is why I have never been precious about my DS going to other houses.

ShowMeTheWonder · 04/01/2015 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Priceypizza · 04/01/2015 22:16

ds first time staying was when we went to hospital to have dd, he was 20 months old, dd I think was about 8 months although she was a much easier baby!

IsabellaofFrance · 04/01/2015 22:16

DS1 - about 18 months
DS2 - hasnt yet. He has ASD and hasn't started sleeping through the night yet, I don't think anyone actually wants him as they never ask. It would be fabulous to get a full nights sleep :(.
DD - hasnt yet, she is 6 and a real home body.

QOD · 04/01/2015 22:17

Hmmmm well dd is 16 and never slept at either grandparent houses

Mintyy · 04/01/2015 22:17

A lot of it is to do with breastfeeding, I guess.

My babies couldn't have stayed with anyone else overnight before the age of about 18 months as I cnba to train them to take a bottle or express the milk to enable it.

OutsSelf · 04/01/2015 22:19

My two are 4 and 1.5 and they haven't stayed away from us yet as we have no need or desire for that to happen. I had DC2 on my own and DP and DS came after she and I had had a glorious, quiet bonding session. It's unlikely we'd send him to MiL as she can't/ won't intervene effectively if he's being daft, so DP has come home to a trashed flat one time Shock My parents are keen but 3 hrs away, it is likely to happen soon as DS has requested it.

That's the criteria for me - the child wants it and the adult can cope

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 04/01/2015 22:22

Zab yes most definetly!

From 6 months onwards with both DC.

It has done everybody the power of good.

Both DC and grandparents loved it - they all have memories to look back on that they would not get with day care.

They are really close to each other- it's one of the kindest things I think I could ever have done for my parents and my DC .

OutsSelf · 04/01/2015 22:23

Yy - still bfing DD happily at 19mo and cba to faff around "training" her to sleep w/o. And fuck expressing, it's a miserable faff for me.

LeonardWentToTheOffice · 04/01/2015 22:37

DS was under 2 months. I went out for my birthday. I was and still am single and me and my mum parent my son (live apart though).

ilikebaking · 04/01/2015 22:37

We lived with PL until ds was 9 months, he stays over every Sunday night now as MIL has him all day Monday and maybe one or two Fridays a month if we go out, he is 13 months now, he loves it, they love it and we get one night of sleep and the occasional night out (and no sleep ha ha)

JohnCusacksWife · 04/01/2015 22:44

Ours have never stayed over with my PILs - they've never shown any interest in having them and our DDs wouldn't want to go. They've stayed over with my DPs from about 1 yr (hallelujah!) and love it every time.

flumpysocks · 04/01/2015 22:51

From about a year, despite cosleeping until age 6. Never at ILs as MIL wouldn't sleep in with him, but my dad was happy to. Now he sleeps alone, MIL is looking forward to the first sleepover, and he sleeps at my parents up to twice a week due to our working hours. Sometimes just for fun so that my parents get to see him if they haven't for a while. Is good practice for sleepovers at friends - i would hate his first overnight to be with friends parents, as at least with my parents he's got used to someone else settling him if needed but in a familiar environment. He is so adaptable now as a result of sleepovers - he'll go to bed anywhere!

McFox · 04/01/2015 22:54

My DS will be having his first overnight at my parents house in a few weeks, he's 6 months old.

For the life of me I cannot see why people would be reticent to let GPs have overnights unless there are specific factors (health conditions etc) to consider.

pookamoo · 04/01/2015 22:57

I wish I lived close enough to my DCs' grandparents for regular sleepovers to be a possibility. Sad

AnneElliott · 04/01/2015 22:58

Why do you want them overnight? What is the attraction? Surely the best part if being a GP is giving them back Grin

DS was nearly 4 but he didn't really enjoy it as he prefers to be at home.

Krytes42 · 04/01/2015 23:02

Staying alone overnight with grandparents would mean a solo plane trip for my son, so I wouldn't be comfortable with that until at least age 10 or so. If either of us had parents who were local (say, within an hour's drive or so) and my son was eager to stay, and I trusted the grandparents to look after him appropriately and let us know if he got too upset, then I'd probably let him stay over at age 4 or 5.

HicDraconis · 04/01/2015 23:02

Never, we live too far away (boys 7&8). Even if they were closer, my Dad is 80 and couldn't look after the boys overnight and the in laws aren't able to for health reasons.

They sleep better in their own beds, in the week they have too much on not to be at home and weekends is our family time, which we'd lose if they slept elsewhere. They're not keen on sleepovers currently anyway, if they ask for them when older I'll think about it then.

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes · 04/01/2015 23:02

My parents 3 yo my PILs not until 4yo.

They have never had an 'unnecessary' (use just because the GPs wanted them ) sleep over. They've only ever been because we were going away to some function eg wedding/funeral/work event which was overnight.

Both sets of parents are very happy to babysit overnight either at their house or ours, but they've never requested It. I'd think that a bit strange to be honest although I know it is quite common.

funkyfoam · 04/01/2015 23:02

To be able to sleep away from your own home is a useful'skill' to have and one that should be encouraged. Children who are given the opportunity to stay away from parents and home(obviously in a loving environment) at a young age know no different and accept the changes easily. It is our job as parents to give our children confidence. I'm always surprised that some people take a sort of pride in saying they don't allow their children to be away from them. Nobody knows what the future holds and having children who can go and stay elsewhere without a fuss in an emergency is one less worry for parents. It is something we should all work towards. Staying with grandparents is a great way to start.