aibu to my younger sister?

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My sister (16 years old) is 20 weeks pregnant, i'm also pregnant(19 weeks)she is having a boy. I'm having a girl. for the last two days work has been heaving (I'm a mobile hairdresser, earnings vary) and i've earned alot of money, So I decided to go out and get myself some second hand pieces of baby clothing and look for a cot (for myself), however when doing so I came across a huge bundle of items for £150, when I say huge I mean HUGE. I can't even list everything in it but the main things are 10x massive bags of baby boy clothes up to 18 months, A lovely mamas and papas cot, a swing, playmat, changing table and an Icandy travel system. I went out and bought it (and filled my estate car to the brim!) I went and gave it to my sister for her birthday (Which is today), I didn't wrap anything but spent an hour at my mums house(Where sis lives) before she got out of bed putting everything up nicely and putting some ribbons on the bigger items. Its not like I handed it to her in black bags.
She came downstairs and went straight to her other gifts on the table, fairenough. then when I showed her what i'd gotten she seemed so unbothered by it then said "Eh i'm not really fussed to be honest with you. thanks but no thanks" Aibu to think she could have been a bit nicer? she's kept the stuff but i went above and beyond for her to do something nice (Ontop of shelling out for GHD's for today for her) . Shes 16, no job and her only income is 30 a week EMA so she's been unable to afford anything so far, i thought i was doing a nice thing :(

but positivity is very subjective needs. just because the op thought she was doing the right thing doesn't mean that her sister is going to see it as her being positive. she is however likely to see it as yet another person poi ting out how she has no control and no way to support herself or make decisions for herself.

as I have said I am not saying that the op meant it to be anything other than doing something nice for her sister, but I think rather than condemn her she needs to look at how it has appeared to her sister.

It's like being treated like a kid, though, isn't it?

You are 16 & pregnant & therefore don't get to choose your own baby stuff.

Maybe she's thinking she won't keep the baby? Have him adopted? Have you spoken about this? There may be lots of surf going on.

I have to ask, why isn't she still in school? We had a crèche in my school, most girls with babies stayed till 18. There's a better chance of earning more the more formal education you have.

Best of luck with your pregnancy OP and I hope your little sister either accepts her reality soon, and has a healthy pregnancy, or decides she's too young, and has her baby boy adopted.

She sounds like she needs support. She might be jealous of you, and feel that this was her moment to shine, and she's put out that you and she are pregnant at he same time.

And you need support too! 19 is young to have a baby imvho.

I think your motivation was excellent, and you did a good thing. I think your little sister is in denial about her impending motherhood.
When she looks back she'll apppreciate your gift.

She's a child who will be expected to be an adult parent with all the responsibilities that go with that. The sooner she is treated as such the better.

Venusrising OP's sister is in education, presumably at college, thats where the £30 a week comes from

"She's a child who will be expected to be an adult parent with all the responsibilities that go with that." -NickiFury

Absolutely^. The people who treated me like an adult did more for me than I can ever thank them for. They gave me belief in myself and my ability to parent, this support was invaluable in my time of need. The situation was not ideal but these people told me that ideal didn't exist and all I had was the here and the now and I needed to get on with it the best I could. Its not the path I would encourage my own DC to follow but should they end up on that path I wont be going out of my way to make it an obstacle course.

Agree again Nicki. I think you and I read off the same page entirely on this one.

The OP says "AIBU to think she could have been a bit nicer?"

The answer is, unequivocally, YANBU.

Exactly CocoBear. The sister can go any buy everything new/different with her own money if she wants.

We were given a travel system, car seats, cot, loads of clothes as handmedowns. Are they all what I'd have chosen? No. Was I bloody grateful? Yes. I gave stuff I wasn't going to use to charity and have replaced some of the other bits but it was still very useful.

YANBU!!!

She behaved like an spoilt brat.

And yes, I'd say the same if she was 26 or 36 or you were her mother-in-law or whatever! Am amazed people are justifying her behaviour.

I would think her flat-out rude regardless. It was a gift, and a very generous one.

"She can GET to choose her own things when she receives her own money."

She hasn't had the chance though, has she?

She's only 20wks & due to get money at 28wks?

So no big hurry!

just that Op wanted to do it for her birthday.

Of course, if she has asked for stuff or told Op she can buy her stuff then that's a different matter.

Yes she could have just said thank you.

A lot of it is big stuff though which if she doesn't want to keep is an effort to get rid of.

It's one of those thoughtful gestures which can be a pita for the recipient!

She said "thanks but no thanks" do take it back.

She doesn't want it, she doesn't to get a big fat belly, and she probably doesn't want a baby either. I'm not surprised she's being grumpy about it.

She may well realise she needs some of it when the baby arrives, though. I'd give it back in dribs and drabs when she's ready to accept it.

And 13yos are old enough to get pregnant....should they too jump up and down at the sight if a huge amount of baby stuff when faced with a pregnancy?

Of course, if the recipient was a 32 yr old mumsnet poster, and the giver was her mil....
Well...the responses would be quite different then, wouldn't they?

Pictish . Can you imagine the outrage...

I didn't want any gifts when I was pregnant with DC1 and I only bought myself the absolute essentials. I wanted to wait until the baby had arrived safely and I wanted to see if it was a boy or girl.

New babies really don't need much stuff. Mine lived in 5 or 6 outfits for the first couple of months and I never had things like swings at all. I could afford to buy things but I didn't want to have too much baby stuff about.

which was my point earlier pictish!

her age and situation are irrelevant, key decisions have been taken for her without even so much as a quick chat to fond out of she minds or has ideas of her own. ot would piss any new mum off and anyone who says it wouldn't is a bloody liar.

Hamdcream, I don't think there's any evidence that there's no father around (and would it be her fault if there wasn't? ) or that the sister thinks the world owes her.

I think a young, hormonal woman has been stroppy and a bit ungrateful with her older sister. I think the OP needs to work out the best way to find out why so that they can both move on to a better relationship.

Teen /pregnancy hormones aside she sounds terribly ungrateful. I would take the lot back and resell and buy stuff for your own child.

No one has forced her to continue with the pregnancy, it isn't something that was thrust upon her (unless I've missed something) she's maybe young but she has CHOSEN to become a parent and will have quite a steep learning curve ahead of her by the sounds of things. I wish people would stop making excuses for her behaviour. Let her wait until she gets her income support and see how far she gets buying all the things baby needs as well as her own living costs. The maternity grant doesn't stretch nearly as far as some people think unless you buy carefully/offers/sale or second hand.

OP, You sound lovely and considerate. I wish I had an older sister like you growing up.