aibu to my younger sister?

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My sister (16 years old) is 20 weeks pregnant, i'm also pregnant(19 weeks)she is having a boy. I'm having a girl. for the last two days work has been heaving (I'm a mobile hairdresser, earnings vary) and i've earned alot of money, So I decided to go out and get myself some second hand pieces of baby clothing and look for a cot (for myself), however when doing so I came across a huge bundle of items for £150, when I say huge I mean HUGE. I can't even list everything in it but the main things are 10x massive bags of baby boy clothes up to 18 months, A lovely mamas and papas cot, a swing, playmat, changing table and an Icandy travel system. I went out and bought it (and filled my estate car to the brim!) I went and gave it to my sister for her birthday (Which is today), I didn't wrap anything but spent an hour at my mums house(Where sis lives) before she got out of bed putting everything up nicely and putting some ribbons on the bigger items. Its not like I handed it to her in black bags.
She came downstairs and went straight to her other gifts on the table, fairenough. then when I showed her what i'd gotten she seemed so unbothered by it then said "Eh i'm not really fussed to be honest with you. thanks but no thanks" Aibu to think she could have been a bit nicer? she's kept the stuff but i went above and beyond for her to do something nice (Ontop of shelling out for GHD's for today for her) . Shes 16, no job and her only income is 30 a week EMA so she's been unable to afford anything so far, i thought i was doing a nice thing :(

All this nonsense about her maybe wanting to choose all the equipment herself.
She may have wanted too , but with what!!!! She is 16or maybe 17, no job, no money, no partner. She may have a rose tinted idea of swanning around buying this and that - it maybe she is just a typical teenager who thought her birthday should be all about her .
She is going to have to grow up fast, she might as well start now.
I would ask her if she wants any of the 'stuff' then keep what you would use and sell the rest ( hopefully for a profit)
You have future exspenses too, you tried, now think of yourself.

If she doesn't want to be given baby stuff for her 16th/17th birthday because she'd rather have GHDs, she really shouldn't be having a baby. YANBU - take back everything except the clothes for yourself.

I was 24 when I had DS and also bought a bundle like this (pram, Moses basket etc). I'd have been thrilled if someone had paid for it for me!

She was rude as she should have accepted and then sold etc anything that wasn't to her taste - like we rehire things we don't want/like.

I suspect that at 16yo she was looking forward to the shopping for baby and having that taken away was a shock. I hope she's got over herself and realise this isn't a doll to shop for but a baby that needs equipment that is expensive new.

I think cut her some slack. She's just a child herself.

It sounds like you got her an overwhelming amount of stuff and you hadn't checked first. Would you dump gift a huge amount of second hand stuff to a pregnant friend in their 30s without checking first? Even if they were hard up? Probably not.

Also I'm not sure her birthday was the right occasion either, especially when she's so young. Way to overshadow her day with a stark reminder of her pregnancy.

If it were me and I had the space I would keep the stuff for a while and broach it again with her, would she like to look at it properly.

Think u should have given her the hair straighteners as present. then told her about deal and offered them. like all on Internet clearly we don't know back story. .. maybe the two sisters don't get on so well. Maybe there's jealousy issues etc going back yrs. pregnancy and no money doesn't make u able to forget other things.

maybe none of that applies, who knows.

I do think however that offering it and asking her would have been a much nicer thing to do.

Er... 'Dump' doesn't come into it! Someone in their 30s would, firstly, more likely have the cash to choose and buy their own stuff and, secondly, would have out the time and effort into choosing them!

This is pure immaturity. Even if she didn't like them, she should fake pleasure and gratitude. Especially as she should be able to recognise the kindness behind the act. I faked thanks and pleasure from about age 10 as I had lovely, kind great aunts who just bought the most terrible presents - but I was taught to be pleased that they cared about me enough to get me something. This isn't a terrible present - it's a fantastically useful and money-saving present!

Ffs 'dump them'. You mean gifted.

At 16 she was old enough to have sex and decide to keep her baby yet she isn't mature enough to say thank you. Worrying.

You lot are harsh. It's as if you think that by getting pregnant at 16 she loses all right to make any decisions or have any opinions. What on earth is with all this, 'if she's old enough to have sex' nonsense - having sex has got fuck all to do with a maturity of outlook! She's only 20 weeks into this pregnancy, still in getting her head round it mode I should think. If she was 38 weeks and about to pop with no baby equipment and no means of getting any then I'd be more inclined to agree she should suck it up.

I guess tone is everything but her response to the gift wasn't THAT rude - it read to me as the slightly stunned response of someone who's been given a shit load of expensive stuff they don't want and are struggling to know how to handle it. I would struggle with that as a 38 year old!

I would not be surprised if she only reacted like this because it was you. She probably feels judged and has the added pressure of sibling comparisons even if it is only in her head. You sound lovely but it might just be your situations are too close and in her mind you doing so well and being so organised just highlights to her that she is in someway failing. Maybe help in future by going through your DM.

I think there's all sorts of emotions at play here. I would say to her something like 'look lovely sister, I thought I'd done well getting this stuff as a starter bundle for you, but I can see now that you're a bit underwhelmed. I'm sorry if you feel I've taken away the fun of shopping and choosing. If you like, we could spend some time next week sorting through it - decide what you want to keep. If there are things you don't want, we could sell it on and split the cash?"

I know that's not very snappy but hopefully it's low key and non-judgemental without being grovelly.

Well we don't know what her response to the GHDs was do we?! Only the baby stuff. Which by the OP's admission was a HUGE amount of stuff.

I actually think that if someone in their 30s had posted on here that they'd been gifted a vast amount of baby stuff that they hadn't asked for at only 20 weeks into an unplanned pregnancy - from a relative that they have a tricky relationship with too - and said they had felt overwhelmed and weren't sure they really wanted it there'd be a bit of sympathy. 10 bags of baby clothes 10 BAGS! Is she living in her mum's house? If so where will it all go? Things like a swing and a cot take up vast amounts of room too. You don't need the swing at all and the cot won't be needed for potentially another 6 or 7 months. Maybe longer. If she posted for advice saying what the hell do I do with all this, what would the advice be? It's a tricky situation to be given all that when you don't necessarily need or want it and it calls for a lot of tact and maturity to deal with it in a way that won't hurt the giver's feelings.

If she's old enough to get pregnant, then she's old enough to learn responsibility. I'm presuming she's expecting your Mum to provide everything when the baby arrives. I'm afraid I am of the opinion she is a selfish little girl.

At 16 I would never have been openly ungrateful for a gift, I was bought up to appreciate what others did for me even if it wasn't exactly what I wanted.

I was late 20s and had an unplanned pregnancy. My mum, with whom I dont have a great relationship, got given tons of baby stuff, which she passed on to me. I was overwhelmed, a bit, but acted grateful, (and was truly for some of it )and gave away what I didn't want.
She is acting like a brat, and given that OP is only 19, and also pregnant, and so I would guess also needs things, it was a really kind, sisterly thing to do.
I imagine little sis is feeling a bit second best right now though, what with being younger and single and older sis having an income. Probably this is what stung. I hope your relationship gets better OP, as you could be great support for each other.

whilst her attitude was rude I actually think yabu and very controlling. she may only be 16 but that doesn't mean you get to decide on everything for her. surely the better option would have been to say "hey sis I have seen this fab bundle of stuff for they baby, do you want to come and have a look at it and if you like the stuff I would like to buy it for you if that's ok" rather than waltz in having done the deal and expect her to be full of the joys.

I had my pfb at 33 and if my sister had done what you had done I would be highly pissed off at her and would likely have told her so too. it wasn't your place to choose everything for her without her input into any of it irrespective of how nice you think you have been.

Well selling it all could still be seen as 'rude' couldn't it? If the little sister had said 'thanks but I'm going to sell it all so I can choose my own stuff' would that really have been a less rude and upsetting response for the OP? It would still have been a rejection of her present. There actually isn't a lot of info in the OP about the sister's response other than a very short 'thanks but no thanks'. Is that really SO much more rude than what you're suggesting?

My little sister was pregnant at 16. It took her a while to get her head round it. I wouldn't have done what the OP has done and bought her a stack of stuff without first checking she wanted it. I do understand the OP meant well but I know my own sister - a lovely, polite, non-selfish or bratty person - wouldn't have been particularly pleased and would have felt that I was 'taking over' a bit.

Oh and if we're going with the old 'she needs to grow up and take responsibility' line then how does providing her with everything she needs in one fell swoop help her accomplish that? Surely the best way for her to take responsibility is to give her time to try and get her baby stuff herself - get her to make some decisions. We deliberately took a step back to allow my sister to grow up and into her new role as a parent.

It might have been more appreciated if you'd involved her in the deciding to get it all. I imagine that being 16 everyone is taking over and she may be struggling to feel like a mum rather than a child everyone us dictating to. I think you could have a really good chat with her about why you bought the stuff to show you are trying to support her. As you're older your experience will be very different for your pg. That said she does need a reality check.

I never said for her to buy it all herself brokenhearted I said she should have been involved in the decision. read the posts before you make wild assumptions.

and the sister has been incredibly controlling. my friend had her baby last year at 16, her mum did exactly as the sister here did and it has ruined their relationship. just because she is 16 doesn't mean every one else gets to make the decisions and choices for her regardless of how "nice" they think they are being

If she said 'thanks but no thanks' doesn't that mean she doesn't want the things you brought her? Incredibly rude IMO, even a small child can say thank you even if they don't like it.