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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to my younger sister?

214 replies

Blackout234 · 03/01/2015 11:56

My sister (16 years old) is 20 weeks pregnant, i'm also pregnant(19 weeks)she is having a boy. I'm having a girl. for the last two days work has been heaving (I'm a mobile hairdresser, earnings vary) and i've earned alot of money, So I decided to go out and get myself some second hand pieces of baby clothing and look for a cot (for myself), however when doing so I came across a huge bundle of items for £150, when I say huge I mean HUGE. I can't even list everything in it but the main things are 10x massive bags of baby boy clothes up to 18 months, A lovely mamas and papas cot, a swing, playmat, changing table and an Icandy travel system. I went out and bought it (and filled my estate car to the brim!) I went and gave it to my sister for her birthday (Which is today), I didn't wrap anything but spent an hour at my mums house(Where sis lives) before she got out of bed putting everything up nicely and putting some ribbons on the bigger items. Its not like I handed it to her in black bags.
She came downstairs and went straight to her other gifts on the table, fairenough. then when I showed her what i'd gotten she seemed so unbothered by it then said "Eh i'm not really fussed to be honest with you. thanks but no thanks" Aibu to think she could have been a bit nicer? she's kept the stuff but i went above and beyond for her to do something nice (Ontop of shelling out for GHD's for today for her) . Shes 16, no job and her only income is 30 a week EMA so she's been unable to afford anything so far, i thought i was doing a nice thing :(

OP posts:
justcallmethefixer · 03/01/2015 14:00

Does EMA exist anymore? I thought it was scrapped when the last government came into power...

justcallmethefixer · 03/01/2015 14:02

Sorry should have rtft.

BarbarianMum · 03/01/2015 14:11

In order to 'choose her own baby things' she'd have to be pretty well off, so yes she is being ungrateful and, quite frankly, somewhat daft to alienate her sister.

I was pretty comfortably off when ds1 was born and most of my stuff was second/third hand from family and friends. And just as well we saved our money then cause they don't get less expensive as they grow.

MsBojangles · 03/01/2015 14:16

She's just a kid, her ungrateful reaction highlighted her immaturity.

Try not to take it personally, you sound like a wonderful sister Flowers

helenthemadex · 03/01/2015 14:22

She sounds rude and ungrateful, worrying that she will soon be a mother with an attitude like that

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 03/01/2015 14:32

It's a lovely thought but perhaps if you had called her and told her about the bundle and asked if she wanted to see it/ you to get it as a present she might have accepted it more graciously?

I would be pretty annoyed if someone else chose all my baby things without even asking me - I would feel like I either then had to use it even if I didn't like it or I would have to be rude and ask them to take it back.

Marmiteandjamislush · 03/01/2015 14:35

I'd have taken it all back and kept it for my own baby tbh. Sounds like she needs to grow up, fast. She'll be someone's mother soon.

Original poster
Blackout234 · 03/01/2015 14:53

I wouldn't have taken it back and I wont as thats just cruel, She needs it more than I do even if she doesnt know that right now.
We are both teenagers(im 20 next month) both pregnant with our first and both struggling, I hoped before that we may become closer but it looks like theres no chance of that. She doesn't seem to like me at all anymore.

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 03/01/2015 15:12

Honestly you did a lovely thing. I would have been made up with all that, especially at her age.

Esmeismyhero · 03/01/2015 16:49

What an ungrateful little cow! When my littke sister was pregnant at 19 I gave her 9k and she was over the moon!

What you did was lovely and she should of been grateful. Little moo.

I'm so angry for you

Original poster
Blackout234 · 03/01/2015 16:53

9k?!?! CAN I BE YOUR SISTER PLS?
PLS? I'll invite you for coffee and stuff, love me! lol.

OP posts:
Mini05 · 03/01/2015 17:04

She needs a reality check!! So she actually no what's needed to support a baby stupid cow.
She probably waiting for her state pregnancy handout! They all seem to have nice travel systems!

Lessened learnt don't waste your hard earned money on her.

Esmeismyhero · 03/01/2015 19:16

Lol, she was only young, her boyfriend dumped her while pregnant and she'd only just moved into a little flat.

Poor lovely, we got an inheritance and I got 10k so I took 1k for bills and the rest I gave to her so she wouldn't struggle.

She's my best friend, she has 3dd now and we live next door to each other.

I'm so sorry your sister treated you like this OP

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 03/01/2015 19:22

Is it possible she feels like you are 'stealing her thunder' as you are also pregnant? I know this sounds mad, but it does happen.

For what its worth, I would have been made up. People did this for me when i was pregnant (20) and I couldn't have been more appreciative.

crazyauntie · 03/01/2015 19:31

I did similar for my friend who was pregnant at 16 and I can tell you now she was over the moon, she picked the bits she liked out of it call and sold the other bits to be able to buy things she liked.. I was completely fine with that as she was 16, homeless and had no money what so ever.. I think your sister is bu.

waithorse · 03/01/2015 19:38

Is she 16 or 17 now ?

Agree with others she needs a reality check and to do a lot of growing up in the next 20 week's. It was a lovely thoughtful gift.

LingDiLong · 03/01/2015 19:43

I think the other posters are being harsh on your sister OP. I agree that what you did was incredibly kind and generous BUT she is very young and only half way through her pregnancy. You bought her an overwhelming amount of stuff - maybe it hit her at that moment; shit, I'm not ready for this?! You say she doesn't seem to like you very much at the moment; maybe she's finding it hard seeing her so much more sorted older sister deal so well with pregnancy when she is absolutely skint and still getting her head round it. Maybe she's also in denial about how skint she is and hasn't realised quite yet that she really isn't going to be able to go shopping for all this stuff ? Maybe someone else has offered her a load of baby stuff for free?

I think, really, if you're going to spend such a huge amount of money on someone then it's wise to double check that they want what you're buying.

nocabbageinmyeye · 03/01/2015 19:44

Sorry but anyone who is blaming her age I think that's a pathetic excuse, she's old enough to get pregnant then she is old enough to even fake appreciation, she sounds like an ungrateful cow, I'd be taking it all back for sure. You'd probably be doing her a favour slapping some manners into her, nobody else has obviously bothered

Littlef00t · 03/01/2015 20:03

Even little 5 yo children learn to say a polite thank you when they receive a gift not to their taste. Incredibly rude not to fake appreciation even if she didn't want it.

Aridane · 03/01/2015 20:29

YANBU - and I cannot believe the excuses / justification posters are coming up with for your sister. Hope she grows up a bit before the birth of her son

ChristmasMoaner1 · 04/01/2015 07:47

okay, this will probably sound bad, but I'd have been secretly really annoyed if someone had done this for me. It was a lovely gesture and your sister should have been more grateful that you had thought of her, but she might have wanted to choose her own things.

ChristmasMoaner1 · 04/01/2015 07:52

Change this to a MIL buying/choosing all the baby stuff, would you still all think this was okay?

Rebecca2014 · 04/01/2015 07:54

When I was pregnant, what I loved the most was wondering what clothes, pram, cot I was going to buy. I loved browsing the shops and maybe your sister wanted do that too.

krustyem · 04/01/2015 08:04

The sister gets 30 pound a week. Browsing would be all she got to do. You did a lovely thing. She's got many, many year's to buy things she wants for her child. I don't think she was bothered about the choosing bit, it sounds more like she's at a realisation point that this is the start of her life as a parent

nottheOP · 04/01/2015 08:04

She'll appreciate it when the baby has arrived