aibu to my younger sister?

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My sister (16 years old) is 20 weeks pregnant, i'm also pregnant(19 weeks)she is having a boy. I'm having a girl. for the last two days work has been heaving (I'm a mobile hairdresser, earnings vary) and i've earned alot of money, So I decided to go out and get myself some second hand pieces of baby clothing and look for a cot (for myself), however when doing so I came across a huge bundle of items for £150, when I say huge I mean HUGE. I can't even list everything in it but the main things are 10x massive bags of baby boy clothes up to 18 months, A lovely mamas and papas cot, a swing, playmat, changing table and an Icandy travel system. I went out and bought it (and filled my estate car to the brim!) I went and gave it to my sister for her birthday (Which is today), I didn't wrap anything but spent an hour at my mums house(Where sis lives) before she got out of bed putting everything up nicely and putting some ribbons on the bigger items. Its not like I handed it to her in black bags.
She came downstairs and went straight to her other gifts on the table, fairenough. then when I showed her what i'd gotten she seemed so unbothered by it then said "Eh i'm not really fussed to be honest with you. thanks but no thanks" Aibu to think she could have been a bit nicer? she's kept the stuff but i went above and beyond for her to do something nice (Ontop of shelling out for GHD's for today for her) . Shes 16, no job and her only income is 30 a week EMA so she's been unable to afford anything so far, i thought i was doing a nice thing :(

I wouldn't no broken. I'd say that the MIL has been very kind but is perhaps a little over excited and needs to back off a bit.

Handcream - wow. That's a lovely attitude you have there! How on earth is giving her a huge bundle of stuff making her face up to 'real consequences' - I'll say it again. Getting her to choose her OWN stuff is actually better if you're going to make the really unpleasant and cynical assumption that she's just some stupid feckless little tramp with no sense of responsibility.

handcream - judgemental much?

How is she going to choose her own 'stuff'? She hasn't got any money...

Sorry, but I am judging. How can a 16 year old think it's sensible and a good idea to get pregnant with no father around and no money to support her choice?

"There were more tactful ways to handle it"

She's sixteen and probably a hormonal mess like mothers of any age. It's strange how allowances are so often made for pregnant, women, not here though, obviously have to be over a certain age to get that.

Don't be silly handcream accidental pregnancies happen ALL the time. There's plenty of women far older than this 16 year that it's happened to, many to be found right here MN.

If her sister was happy to pay £150 for the bundle, a call to her sister to run it by her would have been appropriate imo. It was a kind thing to do for sure, but her sister is entitled to have her say. Presenting the stuff as a done deal took that away from her.

We were poorer than poor when I feel accidentally pregnant with ds1. That does not mean I had to take whatever I was given and be grateful for it. I still had my own tastes and opinions, despite being skint.
Being poor does not mean other people get to choose your stuff!

Still agreeing with Nicki.

handcream - i think that when she is 28wks she should be eligable for income support (around £60 a week i think) plus the sure start maternity grant to buy baby things which is £500 one off then when baby is here she willget an extra £70a week ish on top of income support in child tax credits and benefit. So maybe she was looking forward to choosing her own things with this money?

As for why she got pregnant - well that is incredibly judgey for all you know she was in a LTR (actually I can't see anywhere that she is single so perhaps she still is) and on the pill or whatever but that it didn't work. Contraception can fail/slip up at any age. If she is getting EMA then she will be at college so she is obviously working towards a future where she can provide for herself and her DS. No need to be so judgey I think many women would be thinking about her situation that it could so easily have been them at that age!

I'm surprised at you pictish

I was in this position and didn't have to buy anything until lo was gone 2 years old as I received so many helpful gifts/hand me downs. I was sad that I'd never chosen even one baby outfit but was also very very grateful because I knew I couldn't afford stuff and presents like this made a huge difference.

So you have to choose which is more important, buying a baby something they have absolutely no awareness/appreciation of, or being financially solvent.

I have a 17 year old...

We have always tried to teach them that decisions have consequences good and not so good. This young girl seems to think the world owes her a living. She might want to choose her own things for the baby and dismiss her DS gift but realistically it's one of the consequences of having a baby so young. Sometimes your choices are taken away from you.

At 16 I'd have been shitting myself at the thought of being a mother so the stuff probably reminded her - on her birthday - of what is to come. She might have wanted a day off of thinking about it.

I do think her reaction was ungrateful though, YANBU at all, infact I would probably resell the lot or use some of it for your own baby! Girls look cute in blue :)

Not trying to justify her response but I'm just trying to think of reasons as to why she wasn't grateful.

No I wouldn't brokenhearted I would still be saying that however nice the mil thought she was being she was in fact being a controlling cow and should back off

handcream - well aren't you a gem!

my friend was raped at 15 and was too terrified to tell anyone. she had no idea about birth control as she had made the decision she wasn't old enough to deal with the consequences of sex and therefore not old enough to be having it. sensible IMHO.

you have no idea surrounding the circumstances of how this girl found herself to be pregnant, and to be honest the circumstances don't matter. what matters is someone has railroaded her into having things of their choice because they never stopped to think she might actually want to have a say in things.

at 16 I would not have thanked anyone for interfering however nice their intentions were.

I was pregnant at 17 and received lots of baby presents for Christmas and my birthday! I was grateful, very bloody grateful. Beggars cant be choosers and I clung to any positivity people showed towards my baby as I mostly received ridicule and judgement with a healthy dose of patronisation thrown in.

But I do understand (better than most I suspect) that there are lots of "decisions" she feels may have been taken out of her hands, I felt like my life was spiralling away from me whilst the adults around me decided "what was best" and I mostly stayed quiet about it because I was scared, worried and every time I did express a preference or opinion I was called a "silly little girl" or told that "You're not old enough to understand, let the adults sort this mess out".

Some of these comments have opened some old wounds for me. I was vulnerable and frightened and some of the adults around me chose to use my pregnancy as a stick to hit me with and my relationship with them deteriorated to almost nothing and is still the same 10 years on.

The frothing on this thread is unreal. It doesn't even make sense anymore. The little sister from speaking one short sentence has been turned into an absolute monster. I'm sure that it'll be really helpful for the poor OP who is concerned about her relationship with her sister to see her being pulled apart from one end of the thread to the other. Generally if you want to help people with their relationships it's a good idea to encourage them to empathise with each other. So the little sister needs to try and see that big sister was only trying to help. Big sister needs to try and see where little sister might be coming from. Or perhaps she could assume her little sister is an outrageous, awful, selfish human being. Cos that'll help.

How much actual equipment is needed for a baby anyway?
Buggy - well you can spend as little or as much as you want.
Cot - Ikea do one for £30...we had two and they were grand.
Baby clothes - well that's what Asda is for surely?
Err...changing mat? A few quid.

What else is there? Really?

I agree entirely with your post of 13.20 pictish. Oh and by the way it's not only young single mothers who are subject to you should be grateful for whatever you'regiven. As a lone parent in my late thirties I am still dealing with these attitudes, I should be go so grateful and happy with whatever I am given considering my shameful situation. Well f*ck that! My children and I will aspire to and have what everyone else does thank you not submit to our lowly status.

I'm 24 weeks pregnant at the moment and in the process of buying stuff if you were to buy everything new even then I think that the grant that she would probably get would cover it.

Moses basket - got mine from mamas and papas for £35
blankets and bedding - about £25
clothes - we have a drawer absolutely stuffed full of clothes but in total have spent £20 buying new the rest brand new gifts from friends/family
Small stock of nappies and wipes - we got boots sales bargains got about 2 weeks worth for £15
bottles and steriliser - about £40 new plus a box of formula so £50
baby gym playmat - mamas and papas sale bargain £20

so in total about £150 max you can get new travel systems from £100 so that's £250 which leaves £250 of the grant left for savings or whatever.