in thinking the SS have unreasonable expectations of me?

[2tired2cry]

My family are involved with SS.

Please be gentle with my about this as I beat myself up about it enough and am constantly being crushed by the guilt and pressure of the situation as it is.

I am currently retraining in a completely different area than my previous career since my exH left me and my previous job was incompatible with family life, always working holidays, split shifts, late nights etc.

I have 2 dc's, one of whom is severely mentally disabled, physically he is in perfect health so no hospital visits etc just a lot of work on communication and so on.

SS think that retraining and attempting to get a job is unreasonable. They consider this to be selfish and me 'putting myself first'. I have basically been told by them that they think I should stay at home and just be a full time carer for dc.

I can see why they feel this but my argument is how am I supposed to support myself and dc's when I am not working? Yes, I can exist on benefits for a while but
a) I don't want to
b) I want my dc's to have a working parent
c) Its better for my own mental health if I am working
d) what happens when all the child related benefits stop when the dc's turn 18 (tax credits etc) and I can't get a job because I haven't worked for years?

All I have asked them for is help with childcare so that I can continue to train/work like anyone else but they feel that because dc is disabled that I shouldn't be working/training?

Who is right here? I really feel it is the best thing for me to at least try and work, if only part time for now, whereas they really seem to feel that me doing this is wrong and I just cant see why.

[TheVioletTinsel]

Oh sorry for the duff suggestion op

[Imscarlet]

I'm just struggling to understand why the OP doesn't see the danger of losing her kids and trying to rationalise it. It's cut and dry - do course, lose kids, don't do course, keep kids.

[LIZS]

I'm not sure it is that cut and dried about the course, one of the days is a non-teaching day so she could return for school pick up but she still prefers to use ASC. However the sticking point may well be that op digs her heels in against advice, refuses to compromise until it suits her and then goes off at a complete tangent. She is also very quick to blame those very same people who offer advice when things take a negative turn, including posters on here.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Because it is not as cut and dried as that. Doing a normal course is highly unlikely to meet the criteria of significant harm that is required to remove a child/ren.

Reading between the lines and if my memory is correct the op is likely to be unable to cope with the course and parenting and managing herself in general and that is what the problem is.

[Imscarlet]

But it is at this point, isn't it? Regardless of the whole back story which is being dripfed, the SS don't want her to do this course for whatever their reasons may be and if she does they will remove the children. When you cut to the chase, that is the crux of it. Everything else is just details.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

If she's the same poster I think she is then it really is not that simple. She drops the course in a few months time she will do something else that constitutes an issue.

Unfortunately she is not yet at a stage where she can understand what the problem is. As she is unable to do that she cannot fix it.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

If however she has a written report that says "everything's great we just think parents of disabled children shouldn't work and studying or working is a CP issue" as she implied up thread then I stand corrected

[wasitsomethingisaid]

I don't know the OP's history, but I didn't see OP suggesting the children would be removed.

OP, talk to the SS about the practicalities of leaving the course, and how they would expect you to pay back the monies, having said you can do the course. Explain calmly the effect this will have on your life. Other posters have suggested moving course, did you know most universities now do online courses?

Call your Tutor and Loan officer as well. You sound stressed already, is this course adding to the stress?

[GraysAnalogy]

Read back story and I can honestly say you need to put priority on your children.