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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think having a big wedding on the Saturday before Christmas is a bit inconsiderate

211 replies

Fallingovercliffs · 17/12/2014 15:32

My SIL's close friend is getting married this Saturday and she was just saying to me that it's adding hugely to the stress of Christmas as they have to travel down early on Sat morning and stay over right in the middle of preparing for Christmas and trying to get all the last minute stuff done. She's also trying to fit in a hair appointment on Friday before the wedding although it's the day the kids break up from school and her little one's carol concert is that morning. Not going isn't really an option as they've been friends for years and the bride would be very hurt if she didn't go.

It just got me thinking. Isn't it a bit inconsiderate to hold a wedding so close to Christmas when most people are up to their eyes as it is. Yes I know people can refuse the invite, but that can cause bad feeling particularly if it's a close relative or long standing friend.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 17/12/2014 19:32

I'm also off to a wedding on Saturday - though only to the evening bit. Not child free though - we are taking DD. This makes it easier for us as we have already required childcare during this week, so had we not been able to take DD we probably wouldn't have been able to make it. Other than that it is fine - we haven't really much Christmas planning we need to do this weekend.

fourwoodenchairs · 17/12/2014 19:35

I'm getting married 4 days after Xmas. If people have found it inconsiderate then they are more than welcome not to come.

PunkrockerGirl · 17/12/2014 19:41

We got married on 22nd December 24 yrs ago. It was fabulous. People had plenty of notice - they didn't have to come, but they did and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Imi22sleeping · 17/12/2014 20:15

12 years ago this Saturday coming my cousin had a huge wedding and we all complained about it. 12years.on my cousin has just lost her husband to cancer he was dead 8 weeks after diagnosis and now I'm so glad they had the wedding of their dreams . Don't begrudge people there dreams you don't know when it's going to end.

SirChenjin · 17/12/2014 20:39

You could say that to excuse all sorts of Bridezilla behaviour though (disclaimer - I am absolutely NOT saying that Christmas weddings are Bridezilla affairs)

Caravanoflove · 17/12/2014 20:45

I got married on the 23rd December and had friends from all over the country. In retrospect they were probably all cursing me but we had an amazing and huge Christmas wedding and all of our friends were able to get together for a massive party.
Everyone said it was a fabulous start to the Xmas holidays. They were probably lying to me though ....

Velocirapture · 17/12/2014 20:50

My grandparents got married on Boxing Day. People had smaller weddings and smaller Christmases. Those who lived far away didn't have the means to travel. I don't know if that is better or worse than now.

FriendlyLadybird · 17/12/2014 20:52

Oh dear. This is what we did -- although admittedly it was a whole week before Christmas as it fell on a Saturday that year. Some people couldn't come, but most did and it was lovely. Snowed too.

I think everyone knew well enough in advance that they'd made allowances in their Christmas plans. But there are people who get married in summer and inconsiderately choose a date when we are on holiday. You can't win.

Caravanoflove · 17/12/2014 20:58

In support of our decision not a single person turned us down and we had another 200 in the evening. It was even on TV! (Claim to fame!!)

museumum · 17/12/2014 21:05

Lol at "fitting in a hair appointment" when I planned my wedding I though about a LOT of things - but I didn't for a minute consider "what if one of my guests needs to get their hair cut that day?"

ethelb · 17/12/2014 21:05

I think it sounds lovely. I'm getting married in April and seriously considered a Christmas wedding.

Be thankful it isn't on Christmas Day! I have a Muslim friend who's extra pious cousin got married on Christmas Day as she reckoned her Muslim family should be free then Shock

It didn't go down that well with some of the more liberal factions of the family, I can tell you!

CalleighDoodle · 17/12/2014 21:19

Attending weddings is an expense i can do without in december! Ive ine the week between xmas ans new year and one NYE... With NO PLUS ONE!!!

soundsystem · 17/12/2014 21:32

Might have been said already (sorry haven't had a chance to read whole thread) but back in the day it was quite common, due to lack of annual leave. I always thought I'd get married on Dec 23rd as parents, grandparents, aunties, etc did. I didn't in the end but wouldn't think it was unreasonable.... (And would have been a bit upset if guests did - they could always say no if they couldn't come!)

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 17/12/2014 21:36

Also haven't read whole thread...

but people who have presumedly known about this for months and have left last minute planning to the last minute are idiots, not the bride.

Ditto the expense, put the money aside, start shopping earlier. Not rocket science.

Primafacie · 17/12/2014 21:45

Gosh, some of you are really looking for reasons to bitch.

Two of my sisters got married over Christmas. Both weddings were fabulous bashes where people partied the night away. No bad comments from anyone.

Saturday is the 20th! ( right?) just how much Christmas prep do you need to do this weekend? If you're that grumpy about it, maybe it's time to get better organised next year. I say this as someone who works long FT hours, with two young children and a DH who is currently away.

If it costs you that much to put a friend or relative's celebration ahead of your routine, you've got your priorities wrong.

ErrolTheDragon · 17/12/2014 21:59

When is a 'considerate' time of year for a wedding? In term-time its difficult for people with kids, but in the school hols people may have already booked to be away. And people who don't have kids of the relevant ages are liable to be simply oblivious of young relatives' GCSE/A level timetables which might be a rather more serious issue than a haircut or carol concert.

Comito · 17/12/2014 21:59

In all honesty, I wouldn't be chuffed to be attending a wedding this week. But I'd probably try and accommodate it.

I actually think weekday weddings are inconsiderate but I'm probably BU. Twice now we've been invited to mid-week weddings at a distance which have meant we've had to take two days off work to attend. On one of them, there wasn't even any food for evening guests and the hotel kitchen shut at 8pm. Thanks for that.

hmc · 17/12/2014 22:04

Yabu - interfering with getting "all the last minute stuff done". There doesn't have to be last minute stuff in the run up to Christmas - if your SIL knew the wedding was coming up (am assuming she had several months notice) then she could have organised herself a little better?

Psycobabble · 17/12/2014 22:07

It wouldn't cross my mind to think that about SOMEONE ElSES wedding .

WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes · 17/12/2014 22:18

I'd love to be going to a wedding this weekend, my nearest and dearest are scattered all over the country and we very rarely all get together, let alone at Christmas time, it would be brilliant.

LittleMachine · 17/12/2014 22:20

YABU.

I'm doing the same next year. Everyone is really excited for us.

Happylandpirate · 17/12/2014 22:35

I got married 5 days before Christmas!! It was quite a large wedding too and everyone we invited could attend!!! It was an amazing day (that's according to the guests not me being biased haha) I did take into consideration the venue however... I choose a lovely venue in mine and DH home town so people didn't have to travel and spend a fortune to share the day with us. Now 6 years later we have a child of our own and I must admit I do sometimes think it was a teeny bit selfish but when I think about all the friends and family that made the effort to attend and make the day what it was I feel very lucky that they took the time out to share the day with us!! Smile

woodhill · 17/12/2014 22:39

I'm off to one on the 20th, excited. Christmas can wait

Coffeeinthepark · 17/12/2014 22:42

We went to a wedding 4 days before Christmas, other end of the country. It snowed, some guests couldn't make it because of the snow, others were snowed in at the reception. It was totally totally magical and I loved being there

Mousefinkle · 18/12/2014 00:20

I'm really glad none of Dc nor DH and I's birthdays are remotely close to Christmas because it completely gets overshadowed by Christmas and everyone is focused on that.

I equally would hate my wedding to be completely blighted by Christmas. Most people are focused on preparing for Christmas, it's a big deal in a lot of households. Disrupting that to have your loved ones traipse miles away to a wedding is just a bit selfish. I think up until the 14th of December, go for it. It will still have that Christmassy wintery feel but won't disturb people's christmas plans. After that, no. Not unless you want a really private ceremony with virtually no guests. Weathers awful as well- another wet, dreary month. I'd expect a lot of people not to turn up tbh or a few people to be a bit irritated at the inconvenience.