To think having a big wedding on the Saturday before Christmas is a bit inconsiderate

[Fallingovercliffs]

My SIL's close friend is getting married this Saturday and she was just saying to me that it's adding hugely to the stress of Christmas as they have to travel down early on Sat morning and stay over right in the middle of preparing for Christmas and trying to get all the last minute stuff done. She's also trying to fit in a hair appointment on Friday before the wedding although it's the day the kids break up from school and her little one's carol concert is that morning. Not going isn't really an option as they've been friends for years and the bride would be very hurt if she didn't go.

It just got me thinking. Isn't it a bit inconsiderate to hold a wedding so close to Christmas when most people are up to their eyes as it is. Yes I know people can refuse the invite, but that can cause bad feeling particularly if it's a close relative or long standing friend.

YABU. IF your christmas is so complicated and important that it takes every day for weeks to organise, to the point that you resent going to the wedding of close friends, you are getting both christmas, and friendship, wrong.

IT's one day. Go with good grace or not at all. And stop overcomplicating everything!

This ^
Plus, if it makes so much of a difference to have Sunday at home, then why not travel back on the Saturday night ? Gives you the Sunday back, and saves the expense (can't think of other excuses at the moment)

I think a Christmas wedding would be lovely. Everyone would be feeling festive and pissed celebratory and it would be lovely for the guests to get together with friends and relatives they might not get to see over Xmas due to other commitments. Presumably the guests have several weeks' warning to organise the other things they might have done on the wedding day, if they want to go to the wedding. If they don't want to go, then they don't.

falling so glad I don't have a friend like you!

YABU. A winter wedding is a wonderful family occasion. The invite is given in advance allowing guests time to plan their Christmas. The only thing I have left to do before Christmas is the food shop not everybody is rushing around.

Well I was thinking the same about you isolemnly. I like to think that my friends don't abuse close friendships by assuming consideration doesn't come into it.

Falling - most people seem to be saying that your SIL is overreacting (although I acknowledge that a few people seem to think it's unreasonable).

As I said in a previous post, your SIL could decline the invitation or she should stop complaining about it. You've re-iterated that she won't decline so she really needs to just get on with it. Rearranging plans for one Christmas (and indeed not even Christmas Eve, Christmas Day or Boxing Day) is not the end of the world.

Congratulations Happygirl87. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Please don't be upset. The majority of people on this thread have said that they don't think it's unreasonable. Enjoy your wedding!

It's not a summons and you can easily say no, but honestly - the busiest, most expensive, busiest roads, least amount of daylight, crappiest weather time of the year is pretty much the worst time to get married IMO. Unless your guests all live in the same town, have loads of free time to organise Christmas and outfits etc for your wedding, and have plenty of spare cash, of course.

Oh for heavens sake falling. Nobody is abusing a friendship. That's an absolutely ridiculous attitude to take.

No it's not the end of the world Littlefish but it's a lot of extra hassle the weekend before Christmas that a busy working mother could do without. But as I said, she's a really kind person so wouldn't dream of upsetting her friend by declining.
But she is entitled to have a private moan about it.

Inviting someone to a wedding is abusing friendship? Wow. That's a.......unique perspective.....

Eh, that's not what I said grockle. I was answering a poster who basically said that if someone's a close friend then you should never complain or moan about anything they do.

but you implied that not considering some of the guests might rather be christmas shopping amounted to much the same thing....?

I wouldn't have a problem with a wedding before Christmas, but they'd be getting a much smaller gift. I wouldn't change my family's gift budget to accommodate. So this Christmas wedding had better have been announced at least a year in advance so I could get them a gift in the spring and plan ahead to get days off so it wasn't a rush.

But that said I wouldn't be running around like a madman either. I'd go to the wedding and Christmas family plans would have to be pushed back a few days.

Thank you littlefish hadn't realised that expressing an opinion made me the sort of person who abuses friendships.

DH and I will be celebrating our 30th anniversary in a few days, so, in my opinion, YABU. We chose the time because many of our family and friends were on academic schedules, and we did not want to wait until summer. Christmas does not have to take over everything.

It's a one off. She isn't going to invite her to a wedding every Christmas is she? Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

I got married on Friday and it was bloody perfect :)

We got a gorgeous pic of us kissing next to the huge tree that was all lit up in the registry office, amongst other things.

But we didn't have a big wedding.

I agree it is a bit inconsiderate, especially when you have to travel a long distance - the cost of travelling and accommodation at an expensive time of year; other Christmas commitments that you need to fit in; having less free time to do shopping etc...

My BIL is also getting married this weekend - he lives near my PIL. We were planning to spend Xmas with the PIL anyway, but the wedding date has meant we're staying with them for longer that we usually would at Xmas. It means using up more annual leave, a few more nights in the cattery for EllieCat, (with the extra cost), having to get Xmas shopping done and presents posted (for my family who are scatters across the country) before we head down on Friday evening. It's all doable, of course, but it just adds that bit of extra stress to an already busy time of year. Yes, we knew about the date over a year in advance, but there's a limit to how much forward planning can be done!

Not to mention having to delay buying a dress because I'm four months pregnant and didn't know what size I would be (though that is entirely our fault )

We attended a beautiful wedding on 22nd Dec 2 years ago, I normally hate weddings but I have to say this was the best one ever and was a great distraction from all the hussle and bussle of Christmas. You just need to figure it into all of your plans and go and have a great time :)

Doesn't seem inconsiderate to me at all.

Is there anything that needs doing on the Sat before Christmas that really can't be done on another day?

Mind you, we haven't felt at all Christmassy yet & haven't even started!

Yabu. It's not like Monday is Christmas Day.

YABU. People don't have to go to weddings if invited, there isn't a law about it.

Christmas is every year (for the last 2014 years?)

How often do people marry? Once [or twice or more ] in their lives.

There will be other opportunities for madhouse preparation peaceful Christmases.