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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think having a big wedding on the Saturday before Christmas is a bit inconsiderate

211 replies

Fallingovercliffs · 17/12/2014 15:32

My SIL's close friend is getting married this Saturday and she was just saying to me that it's adding hugely to the stress of Christmas as they have to travel down early on Sat morning and stay over right in the middle of preparing for Christmas and trying to get all the last minute stuff done. She's also trying to fit in a hair appointment on Friday before the wedding although it's the day the kids break up from school and her little one's carol concert is that morning. Not going isn't really an option as they've been friends for years and the bride would be very hurt if she didn't go.

It just got me thinking. Isn't it a bit inconsiderate to hold a wedding so close to Christmas when most people are up to their eyes as it is. Yes I know people can refuse the invite, but that can cause bad feeling particularly if it's a close relative or long standing friend.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 17/12/2014 16:57

It's my wedding aniversary this saturday... the date seemed to work well as schools had broken up, lots of people would be taking the xmas week off anyway, nice time of year for the extended family to get together. Mind you, I don't think 'preparing for Christmas' was quite such a huge thing back then as a lot of people make of it nowadays.

sweetkitty · 17/12/2014 16:57

I so want a Christmas wedding I would love it but mine would be v v c small. As it happens were getting married in march on the anniversary of our first date Grin

SqueezyCheeseWeasel · 17/12/2014 16:57

We had a family wedding on the 22nd last year. It was a bit of a pita in that it was a considerable distance from home and meant that we had to stay over in a hotel, incurring costs for 3 rooms due a combo of semi adult children (though not enough to pay for their own rooms!) and occupancy rules. It was a bit of a three line whip situation as a member of our immediate family was a member of the wedding party, so not going wasn't an option. That said, it was really lovely and it didn't disturb the main event of Christmas at all.

Amaxapax · 17/12/2014 16:59

My friend got married on the Sunday before Christmas last year. It was a lovely, festive day and in many ways felt like a great kick off to a series of festive days.

The way you are describing it, OP, seems to suggest that your SIL's friend should have considered your SIL's specific set of circumstances before booking her wedding. In reality, she probably discussed it with her family and made the booking based on their feelings.

I got married on Easter Sunday, and we didn't even do it locally. I understood that the location and date meant some people wouldn't be able to come, but I had discussed it with those most important and they were fine with it. Fortunately, everyone else who came were just so happy to be celebrating with us that any indication of annoyance at our time and location was imperceptible.

LarrytheCucumber · 17/12/2014 17:02

We got married on 22nd December 41 years ago. Contrary to what some Mumsnetters think people did not live within ten miles of each other even then. People came from all over and seemed to think a Christmas wedding was a lovely idea.
We chose the date for very practical reasons which applied to us.

ShmackAttack · 17/12/2014 17:03

well I will be celebrating my 5th wedding anniversary on Monday the 22nd, we gave nearly 2 years notice to close family and friends in the hopes that they would attend but apparently that's selfish! Plus when did guests HAVE to het their hair done, I didn't get mine 'done' and it was my wedding!

RunnerHasbeen · 17/12/2014 17:05

YABU, I would love if a family member did this as it would make our Christmas plans so much more simple and much less hassle. We already have to fit in a visit down to see them around Christmas and this would just be combining the two. To mention the cost is a daft argument as it is surely the same as attending a wedding any other time of year. There will be lots of family that save money this way, so the cost to guests is actually reduced overall.

Also, school holidays are not the big drama they can be for some people at other times of the year and you quite often have to buy an outfit for a work Christmas do that you could wear again.

The year I was busy (having a baby) around Christmas was my most organised year, it is really easy, with enough notice, to have everything ready.

MrsChristmasVamos · 17/12/2014 17:09

YABU.

DH and I got married on 29 December nearly 14 years ago.

We did it because it was the only time really all our family and friends could come, although I appreciate times now have much changed with regard to working hours etc.

We also did it then because we love this time of year, I don't like Summer and would have detested a hot wedding day.

As it was, I got my dream and we had snow, to complete the magical 'Christmas' wedding.

I just wish we had chosen our photographer more carefully. Bless him, he was so enchanted with the snowy surroundings in some pictures, we really have to peer to guess who the little people are in them !

No-one we invited complained, and everyone turned up to share our day with us.

I would have been so upset to think people were secretly pissed off we had upset their Christmas.

Sallystyle · 17/12/2014 17:12

YANBU

My friend got married on Xmas eve! The day I am rushed off my feet preparing food for Xmas day and seeing family and wanting to snuggle down with the kids and Xmas films.

Sallystyle · 17/12/2014 17:12

And no, I know it isn't about me, but who really wants to spend Xmas eve at a wedding?

slithytove · 17/12/2014 17:22

Oh no I did this. Everyone seems to have a great time. Feel bad now.

weegiemum · 17/12/2014 17:23

Like Mrs Christmas, we got married on 29th December (20 years ago!) and it worked really well. Most people were off work (both families have a large proportion of teachers/academics), was fine for dh's family/friends to travel from NI to Scotland, I got a fabulous red/gold/green colour scheme, it was brilliant. We didn't mind if people couldn't come, in the end very few people didn't make it, sadly one who didn't was dh's best school friend who got rotated on to an extra shift the day before!

I loved our Christmas wedding.

Gaia81 · 17/12/2014 17:24

YABU, for many people 5 days before Christmas will be no more inconvenient than any other weekend.

slithytove · 17/12/2014 17:28

Where was that one festivered?

Summerisle1 · 17/12/2014 17:28

If Christmas is on a Thursday then really, I'm not convinced that the Saturday beforehand is so inconvenient that a couple should be condemned for choosing it. After all, weddings rarely pop up unannounced so there will have been plenty of time to make hair appointments and perhaps do the stuff normally done on that Saturday beforehand.

If people are so unprepared to be a little bit flexible this one Christmas then actually, they would be better staying at home.

Also, not everyone is "up to their eyes" the weekend before Christmas. Or even needs to be.

MrsChristmasVamos · 17/12/2014 17:28

Awww, weegie. Xmas Smile

It feels even lovelier now knowing we share our anniversary with a fellow mnetter.

krustyem · 17/12/2014 17:33

I'd love it. Christmas is the same every bloody year, cook dinner, open presents, watch shit t.V blah blah blah. I'd welcome the distraction to be honest

maddening · 17/12/2014 17:34

My parents are having to drive over 300 miles to a wedding on Monday before Christmas - selfish IMO so Yanbu

WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes · 17/12/2014 17:36

Working parents or not, I really can't think of many things that can't be done earlier than the weekend before Christmas or in the last couple of days, if you have had a few months notice. We have guests staying this weekend, young children and guests on Christmas Day. This weekend we will just be relaxing, the food shopping is ordered, presents bought and mainly wrapped, cards written and posted, decorations are up. I would agree with you if it was the 23rd or 24th, but not the 20th.

SconeRhymesWithGone · 17/12/2014 17:36

We are also the 29th of December. Xmas Smile

Sallystyle · 17/12/2014 17:42

In my eyes Xmas is over by the 29th Dec!

Well, in my house everything goes back to normal then.

diddl · 17/12/2014 17:52

"My parents are having to drive over 300 miles to a wedding on Monday before Christmas - selfish "

Why are they having to though?

and it would be over 300 miles whatever day it was on!

Bogeyface · 17/12/2014 17:56

We wanted a Xmas wedding but realised that it wasnt very guest friendly. So we were going to do it the week after, but realised that no one would have any money so in the end we did it on the last Saturday in January. We specifically wanted a winter wedding and we still got that plus it was after the first pay day after Xmas so we knew that it was less chance of people being skint.

Basically we thought through how we would have felt about getting and invite at that time of year and timed it accordingly! So short version.....YANBU.

LokiBear · 17/12/2014 17:59

Yabu. We got married on the 27th. We gave people a years notice. People could decline if they didn't want to come.

YouSitOnAThroneOfLies · 17/12/2014 18:00

Selfish? To get married when the couple wants to get married? Wow...
I had my wedding recently, little under a month before Xmas, and if anyone had told me I was selfish I'd have told them to bugger off.
We had a specific reason to get married on the date we did. Perhaps this couple is the same?
No one actually HAS to go to a wedding, not going is an option. I'm pretty sure the B&G would understand.