To think having a big wedding on the Saturday before Christmas is a bit inconsiderate

[Fallingovercliffs]

My SIL's close friend is getting married this Saturday and she was just saying to me that it's adding hugely to the stress of Christmas as they have to travel down early on Sat morning and stay over right in the middle of preparing for Christmas and trying to get all the last minute stuff done. She's also trying to fit in a hair appointment on Friday before the wedding although it's the day the kids break up from school and her little one's carol concert is that morning. Not going isn't really an option as they've been friends for years and the bride would be very hurt if she didn't go.

It just got me thinking. Isn't it a bit inconsiderate to hold a wedding so close to Christmas when most people are up to their eyes as it is. Yes I know people can refuse the invite, but that can cause bad feeling particularly if it's a close relative or long standing friend.

I don't think it's inconsiderate, presumably the guests have known about it for long enough to book hair appointments, do last minute shopping beforehand etc. Hair appointments are a nice to have, not an essential unless you are a bridesmaid or mother of the bride anyway. This year it's far enough from the 25th that travel shouldn't be any worse than a normal weekend (so long as the venue isn't next to a major shopping centre). The added cost at the same time of year is maybe a problem, but again if it's known about a long way in advance makes it less of a problem.

The bride and groom are giving themselves a lifetime of having their anniversary when restaurants and hotels are fully booked months in advance with office Christmas dos though.

There is a wedding on Christmas eve at our local church, our Christingle service was moved to accommodate it. I think it would be magical to attend a church wedding service by candle light on Christmas eve, even more so if it snows. So I see the appeal for the bride and groom.
I can see it can cause planning issues for guests, but to be fair most people send their wedding invites out months in advance, so they give you plenty of warning. A bit of for ward planning is what is needed, or decline the invitation.

fallingovercliffs my point is that they would have known about it with plenty of notice though? It probably has added to her christmas stress, but she would have had time to make allowances surely?

My friend got married on xmas eve, was lovely. All her friends and family come home at Christmas time anyway, so it was good timing for them.

If you know well in advance just aim to get all the xmas preparations early.

To the people saying 'you can always decline', if you planned your wedding for this weekend and half of your guests, including some very close friends and relatives, declined the invite because it was too close to Christmas Day would you be okay with that?
Genuine question btw, not a sarcastic one.

Well my point isolemnly is why choose a weekend when you know the majority of your guests are going to be up to their eyes?

Presumably everyone had several months' notice of the wedding so it wasn't exactly a surprise for anyone.

This meant that they had time to plan Christmas, knowing they would be away the weekend before.

Also, as others have said, they could choose not to go.

We got married between Christmas and New Year and chose the date hoping that people would come, but knowing that it would be impossible for others.

Ooh Littleprincess - I love the idea of a Christmas eve wedding. If all our guests had been local, I might have done that. We had Christmas carols instead of hymns, and as we got married very late in the day, lit the whole church with candles. It was absolutely gorgeous.

Oh YANBU at all !!! we had a close family wedding on the saturday before christmas last year, and it was really annoying...weather was crap, and parking for the service was awkward so we all got soaked before arriving, i finished up work on the friday, and instead of having that last weekend to get ready & in the mood for christmas, was running around at an out-of-town wedding involving 2 overnight stays .... pffffff .....

Fallingover - I went to a wedding last weekend and knowing that it was close to Christmas, I just made sure that I was a bit more organised than usual. If people have had lots of notice, I really don't think it's an issue.

Just another thought - a Christmas wedding seems a great way to insulate the future from Christmas family squabbles ...

"Do we go to his parents or hers ? Neither, we go on an anniversary break"

Yes. I'd be okay with someone ditching my wedding if it was causing them stress and they were bitching that I was inconsiderate for hosting it that day.

I'd feel guilty and crap if they turned up and were pissed off and stressed all day.

Last weekend is different though Littlefish. But 5 days before Christmas is really cutting it close. I know people can be a bit organised, but there's an awful lot of stuff that just can't be done too far in advance. Also, in my SIL's case they've had to re-organise some traditional things they do with GPs and other family members, which has caused a lot of inconvenience.

I've been to a few Christmas weddings and they were all beautiful. Snow, a candle lit late afternoon service in Westminster Cathedral, a sleigh ride for guests at one in Switzerland, all wonderful and memorable weddings. I think it's a great time of year to get married and so much more original than the norm of a summer wedding and marquee in the garden etc. As everyone has said, you don't have to go, if you don't want to.

This just makes me think of Eastenders a few years back (haven't watched it for years) where everyone wanted a Christmas wedding. Why? You'd never be able to celebrate your anniversary either! !

I got married on a Friday so a lot of people with kids couldn't take them out of school or were working. I was a bit disappointed but I had plenty of notice who wasn't coming. It wasn't their fault. I think really close family and friends usually make it to weddings even if it is a pain in the arse. Yanbu to find it annoying but its not the bride and grooms fault.

I wish a few people had turned down ours (lighthearted!)

Seriously - yes I would be ok with it as long as not my parents or pil.

Falling I agree it's a bit different, but I would do the same thing if it was this weekend. I really don't see what the big issue is. Your SIL could decline the invitation, or she could stop complaining, and just enjoy the wonderful occasion of her close friend's wedding.

So what if she has to rearrange some of the things she traditionally does with grandparents. It's one year. Unless the grandparents or other family members are terminally ill, then missing them for one year, for an occasion which will only happen once really doesn't seem such a big deal.

I particularly see it as a problem considering the notice the guests would have been given.

We are going to visit family/ do a present exchange that weekend as we won't be seeing them at Christmas itself. Many others will be doing similar. How is that any different?

Its up to them when they choose to be married and up to the guests whether they attend.
The couple should not get 'arsey' if people refuse to go though.
I probably wouldn't go to a wedding so close to Christmas,..unless it is a VERY close relative.
People get too wound up about weddings, there is far too much bickering about people coming or not coming or who should come blah, blah...

I've explained that she can't decline the invitation Littlefish as it's a very old and close friend.

YABU but I am biased. I had a wedding the weekend after Christmas (was 4 days) and we only had one guest have an issue with it due to family being abroad so no childcare.

People knew far enough in advance as we sent the save the dates in February.

I would agree if it is going to cause so much stress then don't go and be miserable.

Re the hair appointment if I need my hair cut near Christmas I get the booking in early as if I don't I have no hope so leaving it till now was a bit daft!

People are saying "you don't have to go if it's inconvenient" but that can cause massive upset. One my close friends got married this year and I told her as soon as the venue was booked that I would have no way of getting there (I don't drive and it was in a remote location involving two trains, a bus that is on a two hourly-schedule and a taxi - each way!), my DP works Saturdays so I didn't want to struggle all that way by myself and the hotels nearby were extortionate.

I thought I was being fairly reasonable but she didn't talk to me for nine months.

Yab -abit- U.
Christmas comes round every year - most people have programmed themselves to deal with the stress of it in whatever way.
A wedding, especially around Christmas time, is a rarity possibly a one off within a family, I'd imagine so anyway.
One of my sisters got married 2 days after Christmas - it wasn't that much more of a PITA than Christmas itself to be honest, I didn't have to travel far for it though.

That's exactly what I mean SoonToBe. It's very easy to say 'you don't have to go' but in reality the bad feeling that causes can often mean that going to the wedding, no matter how inconvenient the date or location, ends up being the lesser of two evils.

My biggest bug bear with winter weddings is why the bride and groom always insist on having it in a bloody freezing barn. Must be all the beautiful photos of blue guests and goose pimpled bridesmaids!