To think having a big wedding on the Saturday before Christmas is a bit inconsiderate

[Fallingovercliffs]

My SIL's close friend is getting married this Saturday and she was just saying to me that it's adding hugely to the stress of Christmas as they have to travel down early on Sat morning and stay over right in the middle of preparing for Christmas and trying to get all the last minute stuff done. She's also trying to fit in a hair appointment on Friday before the wedding although it's the day the kids break up from school and her little one's carol concert is that morning. Not going isn't really an option as they've been friends for years and the bride would be very hurt if she didn't go.

It just got me thinking. Isn't it a bit inconsiderate to hold a wedding so close to Christmas when most people are up to their eyes as it is. Yes I know people can refuse the invite, but that can cause bad feeling particularly if it's a close relative or long standing friend.

Crikey, U2. You're full of the joys, aren't you ?

tis the season to be jolly.....

FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !

And presumably people have had at least a few months notice and could have planned accordingly? Not really B&Gs fault your SILs friend is suddenly in a stress about something she has potentially known about for months.

I suspect that the B&G would not understand if people called off because they didn't want to drive hundreds of miles in (potentially) crap weather at the most expensive time of the year. If the B&G are important to the guests then the majority of them will make that major effort and expense - doesn't stop some of them secretly thinking "fuck sake - really??"

total none issue

surely most people have done all the Christmas stuff bar fresh food by now? Who want to go shopping the weekend before Christmas?

Plenty of people, judging by the number at the shops.

YANBU. BIL got married on the Saturday between Christmas and new year. Abroad. OK, fair enough, in SIL's hometown - but seriously?! I know she was pregnant and they needed to get a move on but timing could have been better understatement. Especially as we'd got married the month before and my brother had got married three weeks beforeand dh and his siblings all have birthdays in December. I was newly pg too and suffering from horrible morning sickness. Not helped by the undercooked raw meat and seafood and overcooked fucked veg, various bits of lah di dah and faffed about cruelty on a plate.
Credit card never fully recovered from that trip.

I'd rather have a wonderful party and weekend away in a nice hotel than struggle to park and fight round shops surrounded by cross people but each to their own

but then all my shopping is done

Who want to go shopping the weekend before Christmas?

Somebody waiting for the last payday before Xmas? Living month to month meant that this was me for the last couple of years. It wasnt something I wanted to do and a wedding would have been a strain too far. That said, I would have just declined the invite, but even if I could have afforded it I have to admit that I would be thinking what sirChenjin posted above!

I'd rather have a wonderful party and weekend away in a nice hotel than struggle to park and fight round shops surrounded by cross people but each to their own
Good for you, nice that you have a choice.

isn't that what a wedding is - given we are talking about a hypothetical wedding

anyway I've given myself a lovely idea for Sat now

What do you mean "isn't that what a wedding is?"

You can think it's a bit inconsiderate. But people can get married when the want to and it's up to the guests whether or not they go. I think having a wedding so near Christmas then you risk a number of people declining. Can't help but agree with the person who suggested it might be a way of keeping the numbers and the cost down.

As others have said OP, the couple may well have very good reasons for picking that date, family/friends already visiting for christmas just travelling a few days earlier rather than making them travel twice in one year, or it being a significant date for the couple (lots of people meet their partner at Christmas parties).

As close as your SIL seems to be, if her attendance was important to the couple, they would have asked her first.

While your SIL is having to travel, it could well be the key guests can do this in a day.

It could well be this is being used instead of a normal family meet up over the festive period.

I have never had my hair done specifically for a wedding, expect for my own. I assume your SIL has known for several months that she was invited to this wedding and could have just got her Christmas stuff done in advance.

It could well be as lovely as your SIL is, she's one of those martyr types who seem to make everything into a traumatic chore that she's just coping with and not complaining. Oh no, far too lovely to complain, just whinge about it to others, rather than just decline.

(And you can decline wedding invites that don't suit, I've turned down several over the years!)

We went to a family wedding 300 miles away on 27th December, we drove up on Boxing Day evening and stayed for 2 nights, it was lovely, felt like a holiday. They had nearly 300 guests so doesn't seem anyone had a problem with it

I don't understand what is so complicated about Christmas. If you are not Christian, it's a fairly arbitrary date. It's not that much more complicated than a standard Sunday lunch. Move the date by a couple of days - the sky won't fall in.

If you are totally locked in to the 25th December, perhaps it's time to reassess your values.

'isn't that what a wedding is' - a big party and, in this case, a weekend away with friends in a nice hotel

hence why I said 'I'd rather have a wonderful party and weekend away in a nice hotel than struggle to park and fight round shops surrounded by cross people but each to their own' which for some reasons seems to have got peoples backs up!

No backs were got up - it was just pointed out to you that not everyone has the choice

lots of people meet their partner at Christmas parties

I hadn't even thought of that. DH and I met at a Christmas party; we chose to get married during Christmas for other reasons, but remembering this just makes it even more meaningful. So this month, we have our 33rd anniversary of meeting and our 30th anniversary of marrying.

This is ridiculous.

Buy your Christmas presents a few days earlier, and be happy for a friend who is getting married.

It's really not that difficult.

I should also add, weather was not an issue for us. We were married in Florida; everyone we invited came, especially the ones from the frozen North. On our wedding day, it was 78 F.

As someone who got married on December 21st, YABU but I am biased. In my defence, it was the only option available given my DH's schedule, the need to travel 6000 miles home for the wedding and the sloooow progress of US immigration authorities on our case. As someone said above, it is an invitation not a summons.

I'm always amazed how many people on Mumsnet seem to regard it as a calculated insult to them when one of their friends or family has the temerity to want to get married with their nearest and dearest there.

We got married on 22nd December. I didn't realise we were being 'selfish'. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves (and told us they did too). I feel bad now though.

Weather can be a huge issue here in the UK. Asking guests to fork out for outfits, presents and accommodation, and then drive hundreds of miles when there is a very real chance (certainly up here in Scotland) that the weather will mean that they won't be able to attend is a bit off.

I think weddings at this time of year are amazing - although I am slightly biased as I had a Christmas wedding 9 years ago today. It was a truly magical day and as well as celebrating our wedding it was like we also got to celebrate Christmas with all of our family and friends together - something that we're never going to get to do again.