To think this is a bloody cruel thing to do to a 3 year old?

[MincePieOfDoom]

I know it's none of my business but I had to get it out somewhere!

Visited PILs yesterday. SIL and BIL were there. They have a DD who is 3 nearly 4, and another DD who is 3 months old.

We were talking about Christmas, what the kids were getting, as you do. During the course of the conversation BIL said they'd had to go back to the toyshop to return one of their DD1's toys.

Long story short, Dniece1 has been quite difficult since Dniece2 arrived. She has been getting up during the night, wanting to come into her parent's bed, throwing tantrums. To be frank, it's all behaviour that I would consider par for the course when a new sibling arrives.

Anyway, DN1 asked for two things from Father Christmas this year- crayons, and a Snow Glow Elsa. She REALLY wants that Elsa doll- we took her for a day out a week ago, and she was chattering on about it then.

SIL and BIL have decided that her 'awful behaviour' over the last few months has to stop. So they've taken the doll back to the shop, and in its place, on Christmas morning, they are going to leave a letter 'from Father Christmas', telling DN1 that she is not getting the doll, because her behaviour has made FC feel she doesn't deserve it, she has to be a good girl etc etc etc.

I know lots of parents threaten FC at this time of year, but to actually do it! Especially when the child is only 3, and the behaviour is, IMO, quite natural! Surely she needs reassured, not told she is a bad girl??

SIL and BIL aren't too happy with me, because I was so shocked when they told us, I said 'isn't that a bit extreme?' before I made myself shut up.

I don't want to drip feed, but I don't always agree with SIL and BIL's parenting techniques as it is, though obviously I don't say anything as it's none of my business. They are members of a very (imo) right wing evangelical church, and it all seems to be about 'sparing the rod and spoiling the child', submission of women etc, and they are big believers in smacking/harsh punishments for children.

I'm glad the little girl has you and your PIL's in her life.

My parents were appalling. Not for the same reason, but they had similarly cruel parenting. My mother's family couldn't stay quiet and constantly argued with them over the way my brothers and I were treated. As a result they were cut out of our lives when I was about 4ish.

My paternal grandparents played a very quiet role. They offered lots of childcare, they didn't argue (although they never openly agreed or approved either) and played as large a part in our lives as they could. At one point they were basically taxi drivers doing all the rubbish jobs and weren't allowed to do anything fun, but it was the only time they got with us. They kept a note of incidents and when things started to get really bad they spoke to our Headteachers about their concerns. Shortly after things got really bad they were able to get us the help we needed (we went to live with them in the end).

Please do what you have to do to stay in your niece's life because she is going to need you. I think you handled a horrible thing brilliantly.

Can't believe I missed this thread. Just thought about my little boy getting a letter like that on Christmas morning and welled up. I hope your DN escapes the madness one day.

Poor thing!

I'm quite strict (and religious too) but would never dream of such a thing! That poor little girl. :( I hope she loved her gifts from you.

There was a 'I hate religion' type comment quite early on. I don't think it's a religion thing. I just wanted to say that MIL, for example, is super religious but would never have done this to her children. She makes shitty homophobic remarks though. Because she's a bigot though not because she's religious. IMO.

Thanks for the update OP. The dress sounds fab! Lovely idea, especially has her cousin has the matching Anna dress. I'm sure they must be thrilled to bits.