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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is a bloody cruel thing to do to a 3 year old?

305 replies

MincePieOfDoom · 14/12/2014 10:55

I know it's none of my business but I had to get it out somewhere!

Visited PILs yesterday. SIL and BIL were there. They have a DD who is 3 nearly 4, and another DD who is 3 months old.

We were talking about Christmas, what the kids were getting, as you do. During the course of the conversation BIL said they'd had to go back to the toyshop to return one of their DD1's toys.

Long story short, Dniece1 has been quite difficult since Dniece2 arrived. She has been getting up during the night, wanting to come into her parent's bed, throwing tantrums. To be frank, it's all behaviour that I would consider par for the course when a new sibling arrives.

Anyway, DN1 asked for two things from Father Christmas this year- crayons, and a Snow Glow Elsa. She REALLY wants that Elsa doll- we took her for a day out a week ago, and she was chattering on about it then.

SIL and BIL have decided that her 'awful behaviour' over the last few months has to stop. So they've taken the doll back to the shop, and in its place, on Christmas morning, they are going to leave a letter 'from Father Christmas', telling DN1 that she is not getting the doll, because her behaviour has made FC feel she doesn't deserve it, she has to be a good girl etc etc etc.

I know lots of parents threaten FC at this time of year, but to actually do it! Especially when the child is only 3, and the behaviour is, IMO, quite natural! Surely she needs reassured, not told she is a bad girl??

SIL and BIL aren't too happy with me, because I was so shocked when they told us, I said 'isn't that a bit extreme?' before I made myself shut up.

I don't want to drip feed, but I don't always agree with SIL and BIL's parenting techniques as it is, though obviously I don't say anything as it's none of my business. They are members of a very (imo) right wing evangelical church, and it all seems to be about 'sparing the rod and spoiling the child', submission of women etc, and they are big believers in smacking/harsh punishments for children.

OP posts:
TrendStopper · 25/12/2014 09:55

I was thinking of her too. I hope her parents saw sense and he got the doll.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 25/12/2014 15:31

Very cruel to take it that far. My son is 11 and was due to get an xbox 1 today. However, due to two suspensions and several detentions, he has been told that he can only have it if he behaves for the whole of next term. I felt that was a suitable punishment as he knows that it's still possible to get the xbox. What has happened to your dn is horrible and OTT.

silversixpence · 25/12/2014 17:57

Hope she got the present too.

AMillionNameChangesLater · 25/12/2014 18:26

I hope she got it too

woowoo22 · 25/12/2014 18:32

Thinking of her too. She is so, so little.

RaisingMen · 25/12/2014 19:17

Really hope she got the doll x

GatoradeMeBitch · 25/12/2014 23:05

I think it's very unlikely guys, sorry Sad OP said they'd already taken it back and it would be near impossible to get another one so close to Christmas. At least she has a loving family (parents excepted), that will be far more valuable to her in the long run.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2014 21:58

Op any news?

BlackberryandNettle · 26/12/2014 23:08

Any news? Your Bil and Sil sound like miserable selfish bastards. Of course a 3 year old will be disrupted by the arrival of a new baby. Sounds like they want to blackmail her into giving them an easy life by using Santa :-(

ScrummyPup · 29/12/2014 00:01

Such a disturbing thread. How were things OP? Poor neice Sad

Aeroflotgirl · 29/12/2014 00:08

I have just messaged op to find out what happened.

HappydaysArehere · 29/12/2014 01:18

Your post makes me shudder. They are treating her as if she is a teenager. They have no sense of childlike behaviour. Please look out for her!

HappydaysArehere · 29/12/2014 01:21

Your posting made me shudder. Please look out for this poor little girl.

Original poster
MincePieOfDoom · 29/12/2014 22:30

Sorry for not updating everyone, I've been flat out with work and my internet went all wibbly. I just got Aero's message and came back on to update.

Sadly she did not get the doll, and she did indeed get the letter. I haven't really seen SIL and BIL except from Christmas Day, but DN seemed pretty happy and excited all day, and we got her LOADS of Frozen stuff Blush She is now the proud owner of a very nice Elsa dress that my amazing sewing friend ran up for her- it's a big puffy sparkly net type of thing, which I actually think is way better than the ones you see in shops. My DD has the equivalent Anna one. We also got DN Frozen sweets, PJs,cups, bottles, cuddly Olaf, sparkly shoes... MIL is taking DN and my DD for a sleepover this week and they are going to dress up, and watch the film

For those posters wondering why they do the Santa thing, they apparently had a Santa come in to their children's church meeting, and this Santa preached, and had a sack full of wrapped boxes to symbolise presents, and each box had written on it 'a present Jesus gives you'- eternal life etc. So it does seem they use it as a trope with which to reel the kids in.

MIL told me that SIL has fallen out with MIL's cousin, because SIL started talking about a speaker they'd had in church, who is convinced the world will end soon.This in front of the cousin's 10 yr old grandson. Grandson got very upset because he doesn't want the world to end, he wants to be a driving instructor when he grows up. SIL told him that it was all up to Jesus.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 29/12/2014 22:50

What nasty horrid individuals they are, poor girl Sad. Did they not get her anything! I think she was far too young to fully understand what they were doing, and all your lovely presents more than made up for it. This poor little girl and her sister will need you all later on, please keep being involved in her life, and showing her a lovely childhood that her parents are failing to do!

Aeroflotgirl · 29/12/2014 22:51

If she had been a couple of years older, that would probably have impacted on her more.

MrsHathaway · 29/12/2014 22:57
Sad

At least she has you. Thanks for the update, and yy so glad she's too young to have understood.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/12/2014 23:02

This sounds like a religious sect, brainwashing people. They completely have the wrong end of the stick, and are way missing the mark and messing the kids up as they go along.

BigRedBall · 29/12/2014 23:10

I'm glad she still had a good day. I think the message from Santa must have gone over her head. Children that age forget quickly too, so hopefully she won't remember the Christmas Santa left her a note.

I wonder if your bil and sil know what they've achieved by doing what they did? Her behaviour will certainly not improve. She's proved how much the note affected her by still being excited all day. Did they want to break her? What a pair of arse wipes. No religion in the world believes in treating children so harshly like this. Makes me angry they're using religion in this way.

smileybadger · 30/12/2014 08:25

so they're emotionally abusive and physically abusive?I know who id be calling and it wouldnt be bloody santa

MinceSpy · 30/12/2014 08:30

OP you and MIL have and are doing as much as you can to balance out the awful behaviour of two EA parents.

Impala77 · 30/12/2014 11:40

This is horrible, as others have said her behave our is perfectly normal when a new baby comes along. She's not old enough to understand and will think Santa is horrible or doesn't like her. Can't believe a parent could be so cruel! Hope she's not going to be emotionally damaged by all this. Poor little mite x

Impala77 · 30/12/2014 11:41

behaviour stupid phone.

sisterofmercy · 30/12/2014 14:51

Might be worth checking on some of the cult watch sites to make sure this church isn't one of those. That apocalypse vibe is a bit scary.

OP, all you can do is be a safe pair of trustworthy loving arms and a potential escape route in later life.

Lolly86 · 05/01/2015 03:21

Such a sad situation so glad she has you and your DH OP

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