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AIBU?

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Original poster

Step son right wing views

156 replies

Oldguardianreader · 14/12/2014 08:48

Name changed ... Nice ham... Lemon drizzle etc.

Step son back from uni. He's always been confident and opinionated. His views are really to my mind very anti Muslim. E.g. Islam hates everything this country holds dear, majority of paedophiles in organised rings are Muslim, why do 'they' live in this country if they don't want to be like us. It's like going down the pub with the local ukip party.

. I'm an unreconstructed old style guardian reader and find this all quite shocking. So far am biting my tongue, changing the subject and leaving the room to avoid engaging. Aibu to not challenge him in the interests of family harmony?

He's dh's precious first born who can do no wrong. And, when not on his favourite topic is quite charming company.

OP posts:
kim147 · 14/12/2014 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ApocalypseThen · 14/12/2014 08:51

What kind of a university is he going to? That sounds very odd from a presumably reasonably intelligent young person?

Icimoi · 14/12/2014 08:58

I second kim. Get some facts at your fingertips and when he comes out with these views start a discussion.

Donnadoon · 14/12/2014 08:58

As long as he is only voicing his extreme views to his family ...
Aren't they all a bit gobby at that age?
Keep doing what you're doing
I'm sure he will cringe when he looks back

kim147 · 14/12/2014 09:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Singleandproud · 14/12/2014 09:01

Unfortunately this seems to be a growing trend with mostly young, white, males. I see it a lot in the sixth form I work in and my own brother stood for UKIP at 24 and was always sprouting crap like that. Like extremists of any race/religion they are an easy target to brainwash into believing all sorts of stuff.

simontowers2 · 14/12/2014 09:07

I think the great thing about living in a democracy is that people are allowed to have all manner of political views. A fact that guardian reading liberals clearly have great difficulty getting their heads around Confused

Original poster
Oldguardianreader · 14/12/2014 09:12

He's exceptionally bright, went to an expensive public school, can argue with anyone with facts at his fingertips. It's like he's gone from teenager to 60 year old staunch member of the Tory party. But not on everything, he doesn't condone homophobia or sexism. Is this the new right wing? It's utter tosh what he is saying and we have had fairly rational arguments in the past where we've met in the middle...

It's so outside of my experience as a student. Also he does this very loudly in pubs.

I can only hope he might cringe in the future. But it's more likely he's going to be a conservative mp. I thought university might introduce him to a wider range of people and soften the edges. But he's just got more rather than less if you see what I mean.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 14/12/2014 09:13

Yes, but whilst we can have our own views any view that incites hatred and violence is not one to be encouraged.

Jaffakake · 14/12/2014 09:14

Please start a debate with him. He's at uni. It's a place where debate should be encouraged, but seems to be less of a place these days where people are taught to think for themselves. He's entitled to his views if he can debate & support them, rather than just spout ignorant repetition of others rhetoric.
( Not that right wing xenophobic views sit well with my own Guardian reading increasingly socialist views! )

Maybe he's just never had the influence in his life to help him see the other side.

kim147 · 14/12/2014 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Carrierpenguin · 14/12/2014 09:21

Just because you read the guardian doesn't make you a moral saint, or right. I had my car crashed into by a guardian reader in the past, she lied and deceived to ever pay out for the damage she did.

Your step son my have some reasons for his views, such as disagreeing with forced marriages, disliking the control of women by the niqab etc. Why don't you listen to his views?

Icimoi · 14/12/2014 09:32

Carrier, the problem is that views about, for instance, the majority of paedophile rings being Muslim (a) lack a factual basis and (b) are precisely the sort of views put forward in order to incite hatred. There is a major gap between that type of opinion and the opinion that forced marriage is wrong. There is no virtue in giving respect to a view that is based on such a skewed version of the truth.

RedToothBrush · 14/12/2014 09:33

Challenge, challenge, challenge.

If you hold views you need to be able to articulate them and understand why they might upset people. If you find them offensive he needs to know that. He needs to learn if they upset you that much, they are not acceptable in your house - for the sake of family harmony.

Why should you be the one doing the tongue biting not him?

EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh · 14/12/2014 09:34

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect/child-sexual-exploitation/what-is-child-sexual-exploitation/
Here is a report into child sexual exploitation, assuming he thinks most paedophiles are Muslim because if the highly publicised Asian and Somali gangs? It's a common perception due to media bias but although Asians (not Muslims) are a significant minority in grooming and abuse gangs they are not the main perpetrators.
When it comes to child sexual abuse in general there are literally no ethnic profiles you could describe - it transcends every ethnic and cultural group there is.

kim147 · 14/12/2014 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh · 14/12/2014 09:38

www.theguardian.com/uk/2013/may/14/child-grooming-sexual-abuse-race
Occupations of perpetrators are more significant - the 'night time economy' which is disproportionately represented by Asians.

Carrierpenguin · 14/12/2014 09:41

No Kim, so walked into the shop and bought a copy after we stopped to exchange details. I was just making the point that reading a certain paper doesn't automatically make you good/bad or right/wrong.

Haggisfish · 14/12/2014 09:43

I am a teacher and as a pp said, this sort of opinion is increasingly held by the students I teach, including lots of the really bright ones. I'm really taken aback by it, too-when I was at school inclusivity was the deal. I challenge them and bring up one of those top ten misconceptions type list.

velourvoyageur · 14/12/2014 09:47

Once you start to meet people, you learn more about them.

This is so true. We're all so separate really- sticking to our own little groups.

To be honest, how many facts can he have at his fingers that accurately back up racist rants?....

He'll grow up soon, if he doesn't then he'll lose friends. You're allowed to be non-diplomatic too- tell him clearly every time you think what he's saying is disgusting and it's making you angry. Let him know that he could do damage to your relationship if he doesn't at least try to examine why you're upset about it. You don't have to protect his feelings if he's not protecting you (by announcing all kinds of things he knows you don't like), if he wants to talk like a grownup he should take truthful reactions like one. Agree with the PP who says to engage him in debate.

had a bit of an ironic chuckle at "is this the new right wing"- you're probably quite right....

simontowers2 · 14/12/2014 09:50

I agree totally carrier. I'm not a fan of UKIP myself and consider myself tolerent, fairly liberal. But i bloody hate the way people on the left claim being offended as a way to shut down views they dont agree with. Tbh OP, i think you need to stop being so prissy and grow a pair. If you dont like what he is saying challenge him to offer some facts. But lets stop all this nonsense about being offended by peoples views. He's a young - faintly obnoxious by the sounds of it - kid ffs. Humour him.

velourvoyageur · 14/12/2014 09:53

Oh I don't know, I don't think it's that unusual. Casual racism is not at all uncommon. My uni is well integrated with lots of international students and there's a really good attitude towards people who join in but certain groups who keep themselves a bit more to themselves are criticised quite harshly- I see that as watered down prejudice. If you're a home student and a loner you don't get given a hard time.

My secondary school teacher talked to us too (about five years ago) about a British boy he'd taught who joined the KKK online after being taught about it in GCSE history Hmm

Don't think we teach the history of prejudice enough in schools.

flippinada · 14/12/2014 09:56

I think it's fine to tell him that his views are offensive and you don't like them, if that's how you feel, and your DH shouldn't expect you to absorb his views without comment. Islamophobia seems to be an 'acceptable' prejudice in some quarters.

The boring truth of course is that the vast majority of muslims are just folk going about their everyday business and getting on with their lives, like the rest of us.

ocelot41 · 14/12/2014 10:00

Just a quick Flowers really.

I would be so upset too if my DS came home spouting that kind of crap.

usualsuspectsparkly3 · 14/12/2014 10:01

I wouldn't humour anyone with those sort of views. I'd challenge him.

He's a grown up,not a kid.