Step son right wing views

[Oldguardianreader]

Name changed ... Nice ham... Lemon drizzle etc.

Step son back from uni. He's always been confident and opinionated. His views are really to my mind very anti Muslim. E.g. Islam hates everything this country holds dear, majority of paedophiles in organised rings are Muslim, why do 'they' live in this country if they don't want to be like us. It's like going down the pub with the local ukip party.

. I'm an unreconstructed old style guardian reader and find this all quite shocking. So far am biting my tongue, changing the subject and leaving the room to avoid engaging. Aibu to not challenge him in the interests of family harmony?

He's dh's precious first born who can do no wrong. And, when not on his favourite topic is quite charming company.

[DoraGora]

I think the OP is correct to keep quiet. A debate will end up as a full blown row, during and after which neither participant learns anything, save perhaps how to shout louder than ever previously. The next couple of years will be spent either apologising to hubby for calling his precious son a shit-head, or calling him one too.

Other option?

Hamlet...the Mild Cigar...

[outofcontrol2014]

I don't think you should keep quiet! He's old enough to take responsibility for his views. And frankly, he sounds like the kind of sophomoric male nitwit who needs a kicking from a good ole-fashioned feminist for personal growth.

[fivepounds]

Manatee and Chandler, brilliant posts. Just brilliant.

[fivepounds]

I actually found elephant's post deeply patronising and insulting. To suggest it is the ill-educated proletariat alone who see the massive immigration problem in this country as being part of the reason for the inexorable breakdown of the fabric of some communities is arrogant beyond belief.

[BoulevardOfBrokenSleep]

Perhaps, fivepounds, but I'd suggest to you that it's possible to discuss said massive immigration problem* without suggesting, incorrectly, that paedophile rings are largely Muslim, etc. Don't you think?

*let us not forget that UKIP do best in areas with low immigration levels.

[fivepounds]

Well, the grooming gangs that deliberately target white, poor, vulnerable lower-working-class girls (filthy kuffar) here in the North West most certainly are overwhelmingly Muslim.

[fivepounds]

That the stepson has a valid point and he has every right to express it.

[fivepounds]

I was replying to broken, and it is perfectly relevant when Guardianistas are painting this young man as some foaming swivel-eyed loon. His opinions are valid.

[TheNewStatesman]

"This whole argument of "read the koran, you will go Kumbalayah" is crap, sorry."


The Koran has some ghastly stuff in it, sorry. I mean, probably no worse than the Bible or any other religious text (they are all pretty horrid), but I'm deeply amused the notion that getting the SS to read the Koran is going to make him more sympathetic to Islam--it's likely to have the exact opposite effect.

[fivepounds]

The stepson didn't label entire groups, but the OP would happily permit you to think otherwise.

[OfaFrenchMind]

TheNewStatesman Exactly. In every discussion about islamists, you will see people telling you to read the Koran to see that it is a peaceful book offering only self-fullfilment. Nope, sorry. It makes you wonder if they even read it. Or read the nice Guardian version, with all the "nasty bits" blacked out.

[BreakingDad77]

Its the Hadiths more than the Koran being spun in crazy ways.

[Greengrow]

The step son is being grossly misrepresented. I want the stepmother with humility to consider if the SS' views are right and hers are wrong and learn from him. I often learn from my children. I am not God. Their views are often better than mine. That is what we do in families.

[TrueBlueYorkshire]

I love people with these liberal views who go around telling people they are wrong and should conform to their views. Ignore the people in this thread who say you should tell him you are offended, that ruins any chance for intelligent discussion.

Instead have a discussion with him, ask him why he feels this way;

1. "why don't you think they integrate with the community",
   
2. "do you truly believe it is only Muslim men who are sex offenders?",
   
3. "would you find it difficult to integrate with a group who is so culturally different to yourself, perhaps taking the easy option and not integrating is more likely to happen to some?"
   
4. "Is there other reasons to choose to live in a country other than integrating (money, lifestyle, security, resources, education, health)"
   
5. "What should we expect from members of our community, purely financial contribution? To be culturally homogeneous? To be law abiding?"
   
6. "Would you deny opportunities to foreigners, even if they could contribute to this country in a positive manner?"
   

7...etc etc etc

Who knows maybe he has good points to make, I can think of many good arguments to make for both sides of such a debate.

[daisychain01]

Although your list of debating topics is very worthy, trueblue, I fear it would suck the life out of anyone's Christmas family gathering

That's why politics and religion aren't talking points in our house. It really is too divisive, and IMO better to encourage the DSS to keep his political opinions to himself. Hiding to nothing otherwise.

[Babycham1979]

OP, have you ever considered the fact that this is his way of rebelling and trying to shock you? If you were a blue-rinse Tory, he'd probably be waving around Mao's Little Red Book and citing Marxist praxis at the dinner table.

It makes me think of some of the more extreme Muslims I knew when I was younger. Donning the hijab and espousing jihad was their way of rebelling against their parents secularism. They soon grew out of it and have generally grown-up to become suburban dentists and accountants.

Did you not have a phase of teenage rebellion?

[Greengrow]

Gosh, no wonder we find most other people's homes boring! In our family and my parents we have always talked about interesting stuff like religion politics psychiatry and all the rest. God preserve me from homes where much duller stuff like TV and the weather is discussed. I could not live like that.

[DoraGora]

We're building a star chamber in our living room. One of the things that I'd like my children to do for me is to decide one way or another whether or not capturing the radio station is really necessary during a coup. I think that it's an extra step.

What does mumsnet think?

[daisychain01]

Um Greengrow, since when has duller stuff like TV and the weather ever been the only substitute to discussing getting bogged down in politics, religion and psychiatry. no wonder we find most other people's homes boring sounds remarkably like intellectual snobbery to me!

Each to his/her own, but in our case, we have a multitude of very interesting things we talk about every day, and surprise surprise it doesn't ever need to rely on celebrities, X Factor or the weather. Interestingly, we don't own a TV so have many alternatives to discuss . DSS has a healthy attitude to politics, he tells us the kids at school (who seem to still be at the stage of "know-all, know-bugger-all" about politics) insist on him having to declare which political party he supports.

At that point, he says he spins on his heels (not because he is incapable of conversing, but because he knows he'd have political views spouted at him and rammed down his throat, against his will!). He knows from us, that there is a line to be drawn between having one's own views and inflicting them on other people.

In the context of the OP's question, it sounds tedious in the extreme having to listen to it at Christmas, which is stressful enough as it is, without being subjected to someone's verbal diaorhea.

Aibu to not challenge him in the interests of family harmony? YANBU - based on your description, if you feel it's going to be like a pressure cooker, I'd make life, and Christmas, easier and dis-engage!

[TheChandler]

Babycham OP, have you ever considered the fact that this is his way of rebelling and trying to shock you?

Certainly doesn't sound hard to do!

Greengrow Gosh, no wonder we find most other people's homes boring! In our family and my parents we have always talked about interesting stuff like religion politics psychiatry and all the rest. God preserve me from homes where much duller stuff like TV and the weather is discussed. I could not live like that.

Same here. My family discussed all sorts of current affairs, without descending into arguments, or some of the monologues suggested on here for the temerity to hold opposing (but not terribly offensive) views. My personal favourite was extolling the DSS to read the Koran. Because obviously that would give a far better overview of Islam than a couple of texts critically analysing it, wouldn't it? (which the DSS can probably find himself). Because you would just sit down and read the entire Bible if you wanted to find out all there is to know about Christianity!

[Ringsender]

If you want a snippy comeback to some of the issues raised by your DSS, you could point out that recent news items indicate that the majority of the paedophile circles were high-ranking Tories.

[CFSKate]

Was he saying these things before he went to uni, or only since he got back?