Step son right wing views

[Oldguardianreader]

Name changed ... Nice ham... Lemon drizzle etc.

Step son back from uni. He's always been confident and opinionated. His views are really to my mind very anti Muslim. E.g. Islam hates everything this country holds dear, majority of paedophiles in organised rings are Muslim, why do 'they' live in this country if they don't want to be like us. It's like going down the pub with the local ukip party.

. I'm an unreconstructed old style guardian reader and find this all quite shocking. So far am biting my tongue, changing the subject and leaving the room to avoid engaging. Aibu to not challenge him in the interests of family harmony?

He's dh's precious first born who can do no wrong. And, when not on his favourite topic is quite charming company.

[fivepounds]

The Left are everything that is wrong with this country. I can't bear this obsession with multiculturalism. Here's a tip: leave the confines of your leafy London borough and come and live in Burnley.

[elephantspoo]

My IL's are UKIP worshippers. I am not looking forward to the Boxing Day lunch, I might just drink my way through it (like last year)

How about, "Hi Marjory. I thought you'd have shaved your head like your husband."

[elephantspoo]

It is a fact that times of austerity see a rise in nationalism. Every time you reduce the amount of free money in the welfare system, nationalism rises. It is a defence mechanism of those in dependent on the state to protect the dwindle lying resources they are depended upon from being consumed by what they perceive as outsiders.

This is an economic issue, not one of race, multiculturalism or left/right politics. It is a direct result of a contracting economy, and no politics can alter the fact that all western economies must contract to survive or face collapse.

So we are in for more of the same until we get out of this depression.

[WitchesGlove]

Fivepounds: what's wrong with the multiculturalism in Burnley??

[TheNewStatesman]

I'm LOLing at all the people encouraging the OP to "give him the facts," "start a discussion" etc.

Look, the step son knows perfectly well that his stepmother is a Guardian reading progressive. That's why he keeps bringing these subject up. He's trying to goad her into an argument, because he is young and angry and wants to rant and feel "against" things.

As for these counter-UKIP arguments the OP is supposed to start firing at him.... well, I can guarantee that this boy has heard them a thousand times before. It will have no effect other than to cause butthurt on both sides. Have you all ever read the Comments sections on the online Guardian site? 75% of the posters there are rightwing UKIP-y types who come onto the Guardian website for a nice hate-read and to rant about how stupid the stupid Grauniad is. This boy knows your counterarguments perfectly well--he just doesn't agree with them.

Next time he brings this stuff up, just say "Oh yes, dear, that's great. Oh, did you hear the football results today?" and change the subject.

If he persists, just say "Sorry, but after a busy day at work I'm too tired and stressed to talk politics. Let's just talk about something else."

He is away at uni and will very soon be off your hands and seeing you and your husband about twice a year (if that); plus, he is likely to mature and become more mellow in his views as he matures, esp. if he is at uni and meeting different types of people. Don't engage; just wait for him to become a little more nuanced and a little less angry in his views and his ways of expressing them.

And bear in mind that just because someone is a member of your family, this does not mean that you can somehow predict what their political views are, or that they are somehow morally obliged to hold views that are the same as yours.

[daisychain01]

I agree with pps who say don't engage, as it will just fuel the fire.

It's all very well the DSS exercising his awesome intellectual prowess in the Uni lecture theatre, quite another spouting his trenchant political views that he probably won't budge an inch on in the haven that should be the OPs home.

He'll hopefully mollify his views as life goes by and realise he needs to allow for other people's opinions (or will just end up being avoided because he doesn't let anyone else get a word in edge ways - or something between those extremes!

[Greengrow]

It is not the flat of the vatican on the window of the Australian coffee shop today is it?

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

This is how race versus religion works:

It is fair game to criticise the Catholic Church and it is fair game to criticise Islam - both their leadership, their practices and their beliefs. Many Catholics and Muslims do both.

However:

It is racist and prejudiced to depict Catholics as ignorant, superstitious alcoholic, violent, sexual and uneducated (as many anglophone films/books about Catholics - particularly Irish and Latino people - do).

It is racist and prejudiced to depict Muslims as sexually predatory, misognyist, anti-western, violent and fundamentalist (as many anglophone films/books about Muslims do)

Racial and religious stereotypes are bound up in each other.

[TheChandler]

Great post Tondelayo. Can I just point out thought that although political discrimination isn't protected, it too can cross over into religious and racial discrimination. And I think this whole post has come about, not due to the OP's stepson being racist, but because of her political intolerance. All we really know is that he is right wing, and she doesn't like that. Being right wing isn't illegal, neither are any of the things he said.

Worse still, she has become aware of these views in a family setting, has possibly misrepresented them or exaggerated them to make them fit a certain interpretation, and is presenting a young man as being a racist simply because she disagrees with him politically.

Then various posters have come along and exhorted her to "educate" him, change his mind, lecture him, make him read to Quoran and so on.

Personally I think that sort of intolerance for other people's views and trying to condemn them is far more dangerous than anything else. I also think the OP isn't such a great liberal as she would like to make out, since she is presumably older and has more experience than the DSS, but isn't confident of being able to back up her own views. Despite claiming they are more correct and important than his.

[TooHasty]

People like you are the reason why paedophile gangs were allowed to abuse so many children for so long, unchallenged.

[Greengrow]

It is a hard issue. I have occasionally come across men I might date whose political views were utterly different from mine - i remember one who was going on the student marches against student loans and heavily into union politics whilst I have a signed photo of Thatcher on my desk. At least she does not have to sleep with her step son. Perhaps his better ideas will rub of on her. I wonder if she's realised she not he might be wrong. I am often wrong and my children are often right. We need humility in families not senses of superiority.

[flippinada]

Yes, clearly this woman is history's greatest monster.

Possibly mispresenting an unidentified on an internet talk board?

PURE EVIL!!

[Whatsthewhatsthebody]

He's as entitled to his views as are you op. You are both entitled to spout them too that's what's fantastic about our country.

I do have to smile though at the assumption that somehow going to uni makes one broadminded and able to grasp the facts.

Some if the most sexist racist people I know have degrees and excellent careers.

Takes all sorts

[feckitall]

When I think back to my youth students were known for their protests and 'subversive' views..Students these days seem to be, as a whole, fairly benign.
probably because it costs a lot of money, they have to focus on studies more
Maybe his views will change as he matures but I would bet those views will be held longer the more he is told he is wrong!

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

You could try this
"Its funny how insecure people always look for someone to blame for life's ills"
and walk away.

He isn't interested in reasoned argument he is either on a wind up or pontificating. If you don't want to wind him up with the above comment then maybe stick to an "agree to disagree" type comment and change the subject.

[OTheHugeManatee]

All this 'tell him the facts' stuff presupposes that the only rational, logical position possible is a huggy, centre-left, diversity-loving one and that divergence from that position makes one ipso facto a vicious knuckle-dragging thicko bigot who probably drives a white van. And yes, I do mean to imply that this is partly about class snobbery.

If you read more widely than the Guardian you will see that there are plenty of very well-educated and intelligent people who argue, quite cogently, that Islam is a threat to Western civilisation. You don't have to agree with these views, but true liberalism means allowing space for them - or indeed for the less sophisticated versions of same that your stepson is currently 'spouting'. But you don't, because you aren't really that liberal.

That said, I don't think this is about the actual debate. It's about your relationship with your stepson, who you clearly resent as 'your husband's PFB who can do no wrong' and who is clearly enjoying having found a sure-fire way to wind you up.

If you want to defuse the argument, I recommend agreeing with him, and perhaps offering suggestions that are even more extreme. It will take the wind right out of his sails.

[OfaFrenchMind]

To be honest, I read the Koran, it did not make me like it any more. This whole argument of "read the koran, you will go Kumbalayah" is crap, sorry.
I did not burn it or throw it away, because to some it's a sacred book, but it is gathering dust in a cellar.

[Bulbasaur]

Part of growing up is rebelling against all your parent's ideas so you can form your own. He might eventually swing back to a more reasonable view, he might not.

In the mean time, I'd make it a blanket rule that politics and religion are off the discussion table in mixed company.

[flippinada]

I think some people are assuming left-wing automatically means liberal. It doesn't. Other posters have mentioned they are liberal but I don't think OP has.

I admit I haven't read every single post so if OP has come back and said she's liberal as all get out and how dare anyone suggest otherwise, I will cheerfully retract my previous comment :)

[emmelinelucas]

FivePounds - I live in a town in West Yorks, just like Burnley. I know why you feel the way you do.

[emmelinelucas]

Burnley is not in West Yorks, but has similar demographics to my town.

[Dapplegrey]

Op - would you object if your stepson held far left views?