When my DD was born i went along to a baby group at the suggestion of an acquaintance who had a baby at the same time as me. I had not intended to get a group of "mum" friends but gradually a group developed and we have spent quite a bit of time together over the last 3 years. The group is 12 children, some of whom spend more time together than others. It's always been quite relaxed with no major personality clashes.
One of the children was diagnosed about a year ago with some quite significant developmental needs. His father decided to take part in a sporting event in aid of a charity they are being supported by. The mother messaged us all as a group to let us know and ask us if we would like to sponsor him.
I did not respond directly as I had already made a decision that we are not in a financial position to be sponsoring at the moment. I didn't discuss this with her as I did not feel i should need to discuss my finances with her. However she is aware of our circumstances (i am the main wage earner, about to go on maternity leave, DH works for minimum wage on a 0 hours contract, in the middle of a house move etc etc).
Prior to the event she sent a reminder within a group message to all those who had not yet sponsored, this specifically named those who had not sponsored to the full group of 12. Following the event she sent an individual text message again asking for a donation. I was uncomfortable with this and did not respond as i really did not know how. She then sent a message every day for the four days prior to donations closing reminding me that I had not yet donated. Again I did not respond as I felt harassed and uncomfortable.
The day after she gave the cheque to the charity i had a long ranting message telling me that I was the only person in all their friends and family who had not donated and that this was very unsupportive. She told me that I would no longer be welcome at any events at her home and that my DD would not be welcome at her DS's birthday party (to which she had already been invited). I sent a text back trying to salvage the friendship but she had clearly already decided.
This obviously makes things quite awkward for me although a lot of the group are not currently aware. I told one of the group as when I received the text i was quite upset.
My DD is going to be sharing a birthday party with this friends DD and we had a discussion today about invitations. I had assumed that my friend would that I would feel very uncomfortable having this person, who does not even wish to make eye contact with me, at my DD's party. She had assumed that we would still invite child and parent and she is reluctant to get involved. I said that I am happy to send the mother a text explaining that this is my decision and my friend is simply honouring my wishes. She is going to think about this.
I understand her point of view (although I will admit to feeling a tiny bit put out that she has told me that she does not feel i did anything wrong but still expects me to tolerate this person so as not to rock the boat) but i really can't stand the thought of having this person there.
Sorry for the essay but would I be unreasonable to say to my friend that i really can't go ahead with the joint party if she insists we invite this child?