To be annoyed that friend is bringing her child to dinner

[Fallingovercliffs]

I invited a few friends over for dinner on Saturday evening. These days we really only get together as a group about once a year so I was really looking forward to a good catch up. One of my friends (who has two children aged 7 and 9) rang me yesterday to say that her babysitter has had to cancel. I was about to say 'oh dear. We'll really miss you' or somesuch when she just continued with 'but they won't be any trouble and I'll make sure they bring things to play with'.
AIBU to be really pissed off now? They're both a bit spoilt and attention seeking to be honest, but even if they weren't I really don't want two young kids sitting in our midst.

You are not being unreasonable to be peeved but you are not to say 'no' to your guest! She isn't psychic, tell her that it is adults only

You sound like a lovely friend OP.

Are you sure that your friendship is really all that good? Something like that wouldn't prevent me from seeing any of my friends. Invite the children and have them put to bed. That's how the Edwardians and Georgians did things.

yes tell her

its an adult only thing

In my friendship group if we go to houses then it's assumed that kids are welcome. Unless you tell them they're not welcome she won't know!

I don't think she's any intention of putting them to bed Dora. If it was a baby I wouldn't mind, but at 7 and 9 they're going to be up and about for the entire evening I would imagine.

You see this friend once a year and you would rather not see her than have her children?!?

I can't even imagine that.

I only get to see my group of best friends a few times a year and I had children years before any of them. I'm a single mum and we meet up all the country. The children have always come or I'd have lost touch with them years ago.

I think it's really sad that you would prefer her to stay at home.

Yanbu, I'd hate that.
Its a dinner party ? There goes the mood
I'd be pissed off if I was one of the guests too

I'd call her back and say that no-one else is bringing children and arrange another date to see her. There's nothing worse than turning up to an adult only dinner and discovering someone has brought their little cherubs. who go on to try and be the centre of attention all night

That's as may be mag but we never ever include the children in our evening get togethers. They're always left with a babysitter.

Yabu! I am happy to pay for babysitters if I go out but certainly not so I can go round to a close friends house...

Dinner is late I presume? Can she not bring them and put them to bed? Or upstairs with toys/TV/dvd? My friend group have done this so many times when we can't get childcare, never been a problem. I would much rather see my friend plus children than cancel, especially if I didn't see them often.

text her now op

get it over with

It's an adults dinner party, any child would ruin the mood! You'd be weary about using certain language and what you talk about in general, they'll almost definitely interrupt a few times as well. I just think it ruins the atmosphere.

I'd tell her it's adults only. Couldn't she use a different babysitter?

Given you only see her once a year it seems a shame that you'd rather exclude her this time than have her children there.

That's the problem Pool. It will completely change the conversation and there will be constant interruptions and people just won't feel they can let their hair down. Our meet ups are always adult only and that's why we have them at night time.

Is everybody else missing that they only get the chance to get together once a year

It's not a regular social occasion where people would skip for any number of minor reasons.

I didn't say I only see her once a year. I said we only get together 'as a group' about once a year. I see this particular friend regularly throughout the year as we live quite near each other.

yanbu

at 7 and 9 they would want to stay up and talk and what not. call her back, say you were caught of guard and that you want to keep it adults only

I have a friend who always has to bring her dcs because her dp is a useless prick who won't even look after his own kids

tbh they can be annoying but I love my friend and want to see her so if her dc have to come then so be it

could they watch a dvd in another room or something? get some snacks and drinks in for them?

I'd be a bit if I'd arranged a dinner party and someone turned up with their kids. I'd also never go to a dinner party with my kids in tow if I hadn't managed to get a sitter.

It's a bit different if it's a daytime thing - when we have get togethers in the day then it's assumed that kids are all welcome. Evening occasions are assumed to be child-free unless specifically stated beforehand.

I would not be happy with that arrangement. You need to tell her op.

YANBU- and I have DD's of that age.

Nothing spoils an adult occasion like my badly behaved brats shrieking and trying to climb on the dinner guests.

op would your own kids not settle if they knew exceptions were being made for other kids to be there? assuming you have kids.....

YANBU! Who brings kids to an adult dinner party? Dinner at a mates house, yes. An actual dinner party, no. Think the suggestion about putting them upstairs with a DVD if possible is a good one, and a way to avoid offending your friend. But, if this is not feasible, just tell her you'd rather keep it adults only.
I notice you said she lives reasonably close, do you have a babysitter you could recommend to help her out?