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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that friend is bringing her child to dinner

189 replies

Fallingovercliffs · 26/11/2014 16:46

I invited a few friends over for dinner on Saturday evening. These days we really only get together as a group about once a year so I was really looking forward to a good catch up. One of my friends (who has two children aged 7 and 9) rang me yesterday to say that her babysitter has had to cancel. I was about to say 'oh dear. We'll really miss you' or somesuch when she just continued with 'but they won't be any trouble and I'll make sure they bring things to play with'. Shock
AIBU to be really pissed off now? They're both a bit spoilt and attention seeking to be honest, but even if they weren't I really don't want two young kids sitting in our midst. Sad

OP posts:
Esmum07 · 26/11/2014 17:04

Couldn't one of the other friends step in and let your friends kids bunker down with theirs and share the babysitting costs? We had a problem similar to this and, when we told the friend who was doing the party, we got a call from another friend who said the grandparents were babysitting their kids and would be happy to include our DS if we could get him over. We knew the grandparents so DS went there, played then had a sleep for a few hours and we collected him on the way home. Any good?

Artandco · 26/11/2014 17:04

I would always assume children are welcome at a friends. We get babysitters if out out, but not just for a meal. They are younger also

At 7 and 9 surely they can join sensibly or watch a film / play/ read in other room.

Do people really ban kids from casual dinners? Surely no one goes often then?

Original poster
Fallingovercliffs · 26/11/2014 17:05

I think I'm going to have to thing of some tactful way of telling her that the children can't come. It's not just for me, but some of the guests will be travelling a bit and are looking forward to a proper night out and a good catch up. I don't think it will be fair to them to have them arrive and find two kids sitting in with us, interrupting, fighting with each other, demanding their mother's attention etc.

OP posts:
angelohsodelight · 26/11/2014 17:05

She's taking the Mickey .... Yanbu. Can they stsy in another room? Are you expected to feed them too?

cestlavielife · 26/11/2014 17:05

where will your own kids be? are they staying elsewhere?

ElkTheory · 26/11/2014 17:05

YANBU. Some events are meant for adults only, and there's nothing wrong with that. It was a bit rude of her to assume her children would be welcome at such an event. Can you contact her and tactfully say that you were hoping for a child-free evening?

ZenNudist · 26/11/2014 17:06

If dc can be quiet in the other room with a DVD then I wouldn't sweat it.

That said just tell her ASAP if you don't want children at adults only invite.

Corygal · 26/11/2014 17:06

YANBU. Having the kids will be a bore for everyone, whether or not they admit it.

SomeSunnySunday · 26/11/2014 17:06

As others have suggested, pop a DVD on in another room for them. Ask her to suggest or bring one they'd like. Give them some pizza / popcorn: job done. We regularly invite friends with children over for this sort of set up, it works well and honestly, we hardly see the children all evening.

ArthurShappey · 26/11/2014 17:06

I have to say I'm with the OP. It's a dinner party for adults, I wouldn't want children there either, unless they're little and there's no choice and would be in bed anyway.

IHaveBrilloHair · 26/11/2014 17:07

YANBU you need to tell her though.
Kids at an adults only catch up are a bloody pain.

Original poster
Fallingovercliffs · 26/11/2014 17:08

They're not 'banned'. They're just not included in the invitation.
Do you seriously think a 7 and 9 year old can join sensibly in an adult discussion?
Esmum, that's an idea. I could check with another friend if her babysitter would be willing to have them. Her eldest child is 12, so would probably be sitting up quite lateish on a Sat night anyhow, so won't put too much extra responsibility on the babysitter. (And I will suggest that friend 1 shares costs so they can pay the sitter a bit extra).

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 26/11/2014 17:08

Yanbu. She shouldn't assume she can bring them. They aren't invited. She needs to get another babysitter.

LegoAdventCalendar · 26/11/2014 17:10

Where will your kids be?

NewEraNewMindset · 26/11/2014 17:10

YANBU. Having children present totally changes the dynamic. I would just scrap the evening altogether and rearrange.

26Point2Miles · 26/11/2014 17:11

a dvd is no soloution....they only last an hour and a half-ish!

WooWooOwl · 26/11/2014 17:11

I'd talk to the other friends first before telling her not to come. There might be a backlash and it would be better that you all feel the same way, and it would be a shame for her to miss out on the night if the friends who are travelling genuinely don't mind her children being there. It's got to be worth checking that you aren't the only one who has a problem with this before upsetting her.

theDudesmummy · 26/11/2014 17:13

Why on earth would the children be shrieking and climbing on the dinner guests? I can't see why she can't bring them, if she wants to.

Personally I don't take my DS to diners at other people's houses as he is autistic and obsessed with doors, so can annoy people (and break their shower doors) but I would always be delighted for people to bring their kids around here, and if DS was a neurotypical kid I would take him out to other people's too, and give him a book or something to play with while the adults are talking.

ApocalypseThen · 26/11/2014 17:13

I'd be quite annoyed if I was one of the other guests who are expecting a child free night. I suspect you can expect cancellations as the others won't want to pay a babysitter to dine with children.

confusedandemployed · 26/11/2014 17:14

Absolutely YANBU. Daytime - kids welcome. Even an evening get together - kids welcome if just a foursome and babysitter not possible. Dinner party? For the love of God, I would LOATHE that!!

MargotLovedTom · 26/11/2014 17:14

YANBU - I'd be pissed off if I'd sorted out babysitters for my own dc then I turned up at what I thought was going to be an adult gathering to find other children there. It creates a totally different mood.

26Point2Miles · 26/11/2014 17:16

some people don't want kids around ALL the time tho dudesmummy cant you understand that? there is more to life than it revolving around kids!

RufusTheReindeer · 26/11/2014 17:16

YANBU

Artandco · 26/11/2014 17:17

Falling - mine sit at the table nicely now, talk, interact and then go draw/ read/ play quietly nearby at dinner parties. They are 3 and 4, so yes I would expect them to do the same at 7 and 9 years!

A 9 year old running around screaming inside? Really?

whois · 26/11/2014 17:17

Sometimes it's fine for kids to be there, sometimes it's not. It's perfectly fine to want to have an adults only dinner party. Why is that seen as a lesser event than 'going out' by some posters?

They can't just join in, there will lolly be topics of conversation which are not suitable. Totally ruin the mood.

Agree with calling her back ASAP.
Recommend a babysitter or get her kids in with one of your other friends babysitters.

But defo don't agree to having them there.