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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that friend is bringing her child to dinner

189 replies

Fallingovercliffs · 26/11/2014 16:46

I invited a few friends over for dinner on Saturday evening. These days we really only get together as a group about once a year so I was really looking forward to a good catch up. One of my friends (who has two children aged 7 and 9) rang me yesterday to say that her babysitter has had to cancel. I was about to say 'oh dear. We'll really miss you' or somesuch when she just continued with 'but they won't be any trouble and I'll make sure they bring things to play with'. Shock
AIBU to be really pissed off now? They're both a bit spoilt and attention seeking to be honest, but even if they weren't I really don't want two young kids sitting in our midst. Sad

OP posts:
Artandco · 26/11/2014 17:55

Falling - no I wouldn't bring without checking. But I also wouldn't automatically assume they they would be unwelcome.

addictedtobass · 26/11/2014 17:56

Dudesmummy, it's always easier to have the kids there then not and rarer to have friends alone for adult time so yes I'd be annoyed.

theDudesmummy · 26/11/2014 17:57

Maybe I have just forgotten what an adult party is! But actually, this discussion has seriously made me think back to when I was younger and had no children around and had a very different kind of social life. I would have had the view too that the children were not all that welcome! I'm just becoming an old lady now aren't I?

SoonToBeSix · 26/11/2014 17:57

At 7 and 9 they are old enough to watch a dvd in another room then go to bed. You don't seem very accommodating op.

OttiliaVonBCup · 26/11/2014 17:58

I bet she's a Mumsnetter and has seen this thread OP.

formerbabe · 26/11/2014 17:59

I don't think the children should sit at the table and interact, but, at 7&9 I think it is reasonable to set them up in another room with a DVD and some books and to be told not to interrupt the adults.

amidaiwish · 26/11/2014 18:00

glad you sorted it out.
from another perspective if i arranged/paid for a babysitter and went to a friend's house for dinner and found someone else had brought their kids i'd be pissed off!
either all bring the kids and have that kind of night (which can be fun), or leave the kids at home and have an adults night. one or the other.

26Point2Miles · 26/11/2014 18:02

but then the op's own dc will also want t stay up and 'read books and watch dvd's'....

Boomtownsurprise · 26/11/2014 18:04

How old are you? 14?

What is it with people asking mn rather than actually doing the thing they discuss? You could have done it by now! Now you're mithering here, then mithering to text, then what? Reporting back? F that. You're an adult. Do it.

GcseOptions · 26/11/2014 18:06

She's asking for opinions boomtownsurprise.

You don't appear to have fathomed how chat forums and in particular this Am I Being Unreasonable topic work.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/11/2014 18:07

Exactly it's an adult dinner party, and it will change the tone of the evening having kids there. Yanbu at all, Mabey arrange on another day.

26Point2Miles · 26/11/2014 18:08

she's already done it boomtown...how old are you? ......be an adult and read the thread???

Mehitabel6 · 26/11/2014 18:09

Just rearrange the date - simple.

Celticlass2 · 26/11/2014 18:13

I really do not understand posts like this. How hard is it to say, this is an adult only meal. sorry you can't make it this time. Catch up soon or something like that.
I would be seriously pissed off if I thought I was going to a adult evening, and found that there was kids there. What sort of a selfish cow brings her children somewhere where they haven't been invited.

addictedtobass · 26/11/2014 18:15

Mehitabel6 If my group of friends rearranged the date every time someone had something come up we'd never go out!

AugustaGloop · 26/11/2014 18:16

I agree with you in principle but if I had a friend I did not see regularly I would rather see them with children than not at all. Happened to me recently - friend could not get babysitter so I told her to bring the DC. They are similar age to your friend's. the kids ate before they arrived and they watched strictly and X factor with my DC in a different room and did not really disturb us. We took a break between courses to put the DC to bed. At the end of the night she carried them into the car and drove home. I do not think it really changed the evening at all.

theDudesmummy · 26/11/2014 18:16

Now I have re-read and realise the kids are not little but are 7 and 9 I think I go back to my original stance. If they are neurotypical and have no health or behavioural problems they can be given somewhere to be and something to do that is away from the dining adults, no reason they would need to bother them.

I grew up in the 60s and 70s, the era of the cheese and wine party, to which my parents were much addicted. My brother and I were often taken along, put in a room plus or minus various other kids and a movie projector with a film(no TV where I grew up) or some other diversions , with a bowl of crisps and a bottle of squash, and told to fall asleep on the cushions when we felt like it. We could hear the adults getting tipsy and talking loudly about boring grown-up stuff in another room but that all seemed incredibly dull.

addictedtobass · 26/11/2014 18:19

AugustaGloop , the OP does see the friend regularly. The kids are also very attention seeking so sounds like they would disturb.

AugustaGloop · 26/11/2014 18:27

I am a bit confused about what people do with their own kids when they have a dinner party. Even if my friend had not brought her DC, my own DC would have been there, and they are too old to be in bed asleep by the time people arrived. I think if they are old enough to still be up, they are old enough to amuse themselves in another room.
When I have friends round, my DC will pop down to say hello when people arrive and might occasionally pop down for a drink (kitchen dining room) but otherwise they just amuse themselves elsewhere and go to bed at their normal time (if I remember to remind them).

When they were younger, I would put them to bed before people arrived (and equally I would be quite happy for a friend to bring a younger child and put them to bed at my house on arrival).

the odd time a friend has had to bring a child, I would invite them to stay the night. Sometimes they do, sometimes they just take the child home at the end of the evening.

AugustaGloop · 26/11/2014 18:30

Sorry, I thought she said they met up once a year. Must have missed a clarification.

26Point2Miles · 26/11/2014 18:33

but this isn't a casual thing....its a dinner party

Bowlersarm · 26/11/2014 18:34

Boomtownsurprise you clearly haven't read the thread. Your post is totally irrelevant.

AugustaGloop · 26/11/2014 18:43

But people who have children themselves have dinner parties. What di they do with them if children are not permitted in the same house as a dinner party?

zeezeek · 26/11/2014 18:43

We both host and go out to dinner parties quite frequently. Most of the time they are kind of work related - entertaining visiting academics and so on; other times they are less formal catch ups with friends. At neither event would I expect, or want to see a child or any age. If we are hosting at home we arrange for our children (who are generally ok, but can be a bit annoying and attention seeking when there are visitors) to spend the night with either their step-sister or with friends - something that we do for friends as well, by the way. It is completely appropriate to have adult time sometimes and people who can't bear to be away from their children for a few hours either have to suck it up, or not come.

Daydreamersea · 26/11/2014 18:45

I would not be happy as it's clear everyone has arranged baby sitters to not be distracted from adult conversation. Very rude of her to presume her DC can stay. No they can not.
I am happy to have a ton of kids over to watch TV in kids room whilst there's a party going on or appropriate gathering. This dinner party is not one of those and it's up to her to make arrangements.