To be annoyed that friend is bringing her child to dinner

[Fallingovercliffs]

I invited a few friends over for dinner on Saturday evening. These days we really only get together as a group about once a year so I was really looking forward to a good catch up. One of my friends (who has two children aged 7 and 9) rang me yesterday to say that her babysitter has had to cancel. I was about to say 'oh dear. We'll really miss you' or somesuch when she just continued with 'but they won't be any trouble and I'll make sure they bring things to play with'.
AIBU to be really pissed off now? They're both a bit spoilt and attention seeking to be honest, but even if they weren't I really don't want two young kids sitting in our midst.

As children we would not have been given a say on whether or not we wanted to entertain the children of grownups who came to visit our parents. If we had not been polite and hospitable to them, shared our stuff and been nice to them, we would have been in a lot of trouble for being so rude!

It an adult only dinner party. You wouldn't take your kids to a bar so why is it acceptable to take them to someone's house when everyone else has arranged babysitters. There is no way children would be welcome in mine at something like that. We all have a few drinks too many, talk about highly inappropriate (for children to be hearing) things and there is usually the odd many f bomb.

If someone wanted kids there they would say "come round and bring the kids we've got x y and z for them to do/eat/places to sleep" I've personally had and will have both types of evenings again but if it's adults only its adults only in my house.

If you don't want to leave your kids/can't for whatever reason you forgo the evening. I've done it when DD has been unwell, parents been unwell etc. If I have an adults night my own DD stays with my parents so would I hell be ok with guests children turning up!

Luckily though all my friends agree so this has never been and never will be an issue.

Thedudesmummy that's the same as me growing up but that was at parties that everyone's children were invited, that's massively different from someone organising and probably putting a lot of effort into a nice dinner party for their friends. Children change the dynamic of a night.

I have more children welcome evenings than not welcome and I would appreciate someone making trying to change the evening I'd planned to that degree.

It's rude.

Wouldn't*

I think the difference is that in my family (and my culture generally) there would have been no need to mention inviting the children when you invited people around as it would have been assumed they were welcome, without saying. (But I agree this is in the context of people with children having other people around, I don't mean that when I was at University or in my twenties and childless, and entertaining people, they would have just come around with a child).

Teenage DC of ex-BFF of mine used to come to dinner but that was fine. they were invited and only wouldn't be there if their DM had arranged babysitter for them.

Kids of anything from eg 5 upwards to say 11 should have a babysitter, I've been at a dinner party where DP brought DC (7 and 9) - they were meant to play games/DVDs etc...and the DC couldn't be left with sitters that night. The DCs got cranky, annoyed the cat, tears and the DP ended up taking them home early anyway. never again.

and agree with WatchWith - family parties, dinner parties with other kids, BBQs etc yes DC can come... anything which is within bedtimes and suitable for DC.

otherwise not fair to other adults and kids themselves.

I don't think this is a simple cultural thing, eg. Mediterranean good, British bad. Lots of people on here have made it clear that it all depends on the event and the children. Sometimes it's appropriate and all the kids are about and playing together; other times, no, it's adults only.

Good on you OP. I suspect many of the posters on this thread who disagree with you are the same people who ship up with numerous siblings to kids' parties.

The invitation is not for the whole family. If it were, I'm sure the OP would have made it clear.

We have all sorts of events here. In the summer we are most likely to hold child-friendly bbq's, which either end around 10ish so that the kids don't get to bed too late or involve all the kids staying the night. This works as the adults will normally be outside all evening whereas the kids will come in at some point to watch tv before bed.
In the winter though, when staying outside isn't an option, we'll either do a small dinner for friends and their children, which again will end early, or if we want to invite the whole gang then it has to be adults only. We will then send our kids to their granny's so that we don't disturb them.
I don't think it's really that hard to understand that there are different ways of doing things and that what works for one group of friends may not work for another.

I honestly didn't realise people still did dinner parties anymore. No one I know does. It's either a free for all at someone's house or babysitters and we go out to eat. Dinner parties always remind me of that Cold Feet scene where Karen gets bored and rolls a joint. Admittedly, seeing as Cold Feet was about 10+ years ago, a lot of you may not have the slightest clue what I'm on about!

Maybe it partly depends on the ages of your kids. We have always varied things, as others have said, even now. When they were all babies, it was a case of "anyone who isn't trying to calm a yelling baby can get the potatoes out of the oven," and then we'd throw them all in travel cots upstairs. It meant we all had the sanity of pretending we still had a social life, despite having very young children.

As they got older, sometimes we'd eat in shifts, doing a kiddie tea early on and adults alone later whilst they watched a DVD or went to bed. Other times, we might say, no kids (if we had any people joining us who didn't have them, for instance) and we'd all find babysitters.
As they've got older still, and are mid/late teens, sometimes they'll join us to eat with the posh dinner service, now we can rely on them not to break anything, or bugger off out with their mates after chatting to us over drinks first.
And yes, we still have "dinner parties," but we also do casual in the kitchen too. It's not like Abigail's Party in the 70s.

How bizarre to feel you can't have your friends over without inviting all their children too.