Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that friend is bringing her child to dinner

189 replies

Fallingovercliffs · 26/11/2014 16:46

I invited a few friends over for dinner on Saturday evening. These days we really only get together as a group about once a year so I was really looking forward to a good catch up. One of my friends (who has two children aged 7 and 9) rang me yesterday to say that her babysitter has had to cancel. I was about to say 'oh dear. We'll really miss you' or somesuch when she just continued with 'but they won't be any trouble and I'll make sure they bring things to play with'. Shock
AIBU to be really pissed off now? They're both a bit spoilt and attention seeking to be honest, but even if they weren't I really don't want two young kids sitting in our midst. Sad

OP posts:
Thebodynowchillingsothere · 27/11/2014 10:50

The reason the culture of always having children around is so prevalent in warm countries is because a lot of socialising is some outside so children can run around outside and not be the pain they are if cooped up inside.

Just annoys me this crap about UK parents caring less. It's far easier having other people's kids around in nice weather so they play outside.

Out weather is crap so we don't have that luxury too often.

Fudgeface123 · 27/11/2014 10:55

It's an adults only dinner party FFS, it always has been and all parties know this....so no, no kids should be in attendance. Those that always take their kids to other people's houses obviously have an understanding that kids are invited too.

In this case kids weren't invited. Can some people really not spend one evening away from their kids to have some decent, uninterrupted conversation and food.

If I were invited to an adults only evening and found out kids were going to be there, I wouldn't go.

OP, glad you got it sorted Grin

Artandco · 27/11/2014 11:28

Body - my point is we aren't in a hot climate. In fact we live in a flat, I have yet to discover terrible children who can't cope for a few hours playing games/ drawing/ etc inside nicely whilst adults also socialise. According to this thread this isn't possible

Btw it's cold in Athens in winter also, same as here. In summer in uk there is also the outside option.

Jayne35 · 27/11/2014 11:34

YANBU op, glad you have it sorted. Enjoy your adult dinner party. My DCs are adults now but they used to stay at GPs regularly. Child free time IMO is essential Grin

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 27/11/2014 11:56

Seriously you have never come across children who are a pain in the arse?

I have.

If it's adults only it's adults only and to bring your children is just rude.

If kids are invited that's fine.

Original poster
Fallingovercliffs · 27/11/2014 11:59

I wonder if the parents who see nothing wrong with bringing their children, uninvited, to adult only get togethers, will also see nothing wrong in a few years time in sitting in with their children and teenage friends when they want to get together. Or will they finally realise that at certain times and certain occasions, different generations just simply do not mix well together.

OP posts:
UncleT · 27/11/2014 12:02

Say nothing and fume quietly - definitely the most sensible solution.

SeasonsEatings · 27/11/2014 12:02

I would invite them to stay and out the kids to bed or tell her that she can't come.

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 27/11/2014 12:04

Think the op has already dealt with her.

EatShitDezza · 27/11/2014 12:06

Thank God you got it sorted.

I love my son but would I fuck want him there while I got pissed and had a laugh with friends. Whether we were in a house or a field.

someone I know tried bringing her son to an Ann Summers party as 'I don't like being apart from him'. He was 13, he could have stayed home! We all said either leave him or don't vome.

angelos02 · 27/11/2014 13:56

someone I know tried bringing her son to an Ann Summers party as 'I don't like being apart from him'. He was 13, he could have stayed home! We all said either leave him or don't come

Fucking hell I've heard it all now.

EatShitDezza · 27/11/2014 17:48

Exactly. We all thought wtf...

Think he was thinking the same tbh Grin

theDudesmummy · 28/11/2014 12:40

Really, it did happen on several occasions that with a 12 year old and a 13 year old out at night in London in a nice restaurant, we did get some looks (and not because the girls were badly behaved, they weren't).

I agree that there are indeed some children who, for behavioural reasons, cannot be taken to people's houses when there is an "adult" dinner going on. My son is one of them and we would never even think of taking him. If we did not have childcare we would not go, simple as that. For any kind of dinner in fact, even if other children were there. But that does not change our basic underlying attitude about the norm. For most kids, and for all our friend's kids, I would not think twice about bringing them/accepting them (not at an Ann Summers party obviously!).

theDudesmummy · 28/11/2014 12:41

And as for shipping my child/ren out when people come around, no ways!

DioneTheDiabolist · 28/11/2014 13:43

I enjoy time with my friends, their DCs and DS. I also enjoy child free time with my friends. There is one friend who is lovely but insists on bringing her DCs to everything. We have all just stopped inviting her when we are having adult only get togethers. She doesn't even know about them.

Pancakeflipper · 28/11/2014 14:05

I was only just thinking of the brilliant thread about the group of women going away for a weekend and one of them announcing (not asking) that her young daughter would be joining them due to no babysitter.

You could hear the sound of procecco being dumped...

IHaveBrilloHair · 28/11/2014 14:10

I arranged three things for my birthday and didn't invite dd to any of them, because quite frankly I don't want her there, but then there's things I do with her that I want to be just the two of us.

Marzipanface · 28/11/2014 14:13

I can understand why you are annoyed but personally I would bung them in a room with some snacks and DVDs. Problem solved.

Schoolname · 28/11/2014 14:36

Surely at 7 & 9 they don't need to sit with you. iPads, drawing, a bit of TV and they can do their own thing. Do you have a separate room to where you are eating that they can sit in with some snacks and a DVD

sparechange · 28/11/2014 14:55

Don't do it, OP!
The exact same thing happened at a dinner I hosted last week, although only one child (5). And yes, the meal was ruined.
Literally ruined, because as it was being served, she decided she wanted to watch something else on the tv and was then cold, so someone had to sort out the TV and then find a blanket, which ended up taking longer, so the food was spoiled and cold by the time we ate.
And then she kept walking in to the dining room while everyone was mid-conversation, so we got halfway through a few and then had to change the subject or lost our train of thought.
And then when she finally dropped off to sleep, we had to keep our voices down in case it woke her up. Never, ever again.

Rabbitcar · 28/11/2014 15:32

I rarely leave my children for an evening as I work long hours and enjoy their company. Some would say I am too child focused. But I would never ever dream about taking them to a dinner party for adults. Completely changes the dynamics. OP you are completely in the right. She was selfish.

WellnowImFucked · 28/11/2014 16:42

Ohhhhh Pancakeflipper I was just thinking of that threat too.

I wonder if its in Classics?

spamanderson · 28/11/2014 17:36

So you'd rather not see your friend than have her bring her children? Does it not mean something that she still wants to come see you all rather than using her kids as an excuse. Sorry but IMO, YABU.

theDudesmummy · 28/11/2014 17:44

I my case, my 5 year old would be well asleep before dinner was actually put on the table, so no problem there.

whois · 28/11/2014 17:58

Surely children will want/need to go to bed before the dinner party ends anyway? Children of friends aren't always friends and wouldn't want it have to 'entertain' a random stranger in their bedroom. Loads of houses/flats are open plan downstairs now so harder to safely stow away the visiting children.