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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that friend is bringing her child to dinner

189 replies

Fallingovercliffs · 26/11/2014 16:46

I invited a few friends over for dinner on Saturday evening. These days we really only get together as a group about once a year so I was really looking forward to a good catch up. One of my friends (who has two children aged 7 and 9) rang me yesterday to say that her babysitter has had to cancel. I was about to say 'oh dear. We'll really miss you' or somesuch when she just continued with 'but they won't be any trouble and I'll make sure they bring things to play with'. Shock
AIBU to be really pissed off now? They're both a bit spoilt and attention seeking to be honest, but even if they weren't I really don't want two young kids sitting in our midst. Sad

OP posts:
BackforGood · 26/11/2014 20:47

You should be annoyed with yourself, for not saying "no" at the time.
It;s not the sort of evening that includes dc - tell her that.

m0therofdragons · 26/11/2014 21:26

Wow my parents often took db and I to friend's houses and we often have friends over who bring their kids who then sleep over and they collect next day. Surely friends support each other. It's not like they didn't bother organising a babysitter, she cancelled. We only have 2 babysitters to call on so if they're busy we're stuck. A 7 and 9 year old isn't like a 3yo. You don't sound very understanding or like you really like your friends.

Christina22xx · 26/11/2014 21:33

if its upsetting you then say something, it doesnt make u a bad friend. its your house your rules!

QTPie · 26/11/2014 22:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

thegreylady · 26/11/2014 22:20

If my dgc aged 5 and 8 have to come to an adult dinner party here (I am dd's babysitter so if we invite them here the boys have to come), they are put in their pjs and I put a dvd on our bedroom tv for them. They are given a tray of food and cartons of juice for supper and are not allowed to interrupt after 8pm unless it is an emergency.

Janethegirl · 26/11/2014 22:33

When mine were little, we'd take them with us (and they were asleep) and put them in a bed then pick them up and take them home.
It doesn't work too well with older ones

Zucker · 26/11/2014 22:53

Why is is so hard for some people to get that some people don't want to do late night socialising with children?

Glad it's all sorted now OP.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 26/11/2014 23:14

Threads like this only convince me that the 'only in mumsnet world' actually exists. Only in mumsnet world is it a great idea for young children to attend an adult party, where the grown ups rarely see each other and are probably rarely away from their own children and are gasping for adult time. Only in mumsnet world are other people's children that much of a privilege that the adults would be delighted that their night out was gatecrashed - meaning no swearing or proper adult conversation, no intimate and frank discussion, no slagging off the in laws, no getting too drunk and probably not much talking in general as te atmosphere would be stilted - and anyone who dares to disagree is a shit friend, bad person and hates children Hmm

On that basis OP ignore these ridiculous flamings, they come from the angry underbelly of mumsnet world as opposed to planet Earth. About 99% of people on planet earth would agree that YANBU, what an awkward night for you and your guests - not to mention boring as fuck for the poor kids in question - you must tell her!

Aeroflotgirl · 26/11/2014 23:20

That's great op. Kids don't have to be brought everywhere you go. Op is having an ADULT dinner party, it will totally alter the tone, the kids sound very difficult, you won't be able to have adult conversations.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 26/11/2014 23:55

Oops missed the part where the OP said it was sorted - hooray!

INickedAName · 27/11/2014 00:04

It depends on the children's maturity, some if my friends dcs would be angels and no bother at all, whereas some others the same age can't make it through a quick catch up coffee without interrupting and asking for dds stuff so I'd think a dinner party for several hours would be a struggle. My dd would happily stay in her room if I had guests but she isn't friends with my friends dc, she doesn't know some of them and wouldn't be happy and would feel uncomfortable at having to entertain them in her room for the evening/night.

If you want children there that's fine.
If you don't want children there that's fine too.

Glad it worked out OP and hope you have great night.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 27/11/2014 00:05

Also for those saying they'd be happy for children to be part of an adult conversation with their friends - I'm assuming when your teenagers' friends come round you sit in their room and chat with them about their teenage craic? Because that's no different from what you're expecting the OP to do

DixieNormas · 27/11/2014 00:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theDudesmummy · 27/11/2014 08:41

I disagree with the "only in mumsnet world" comment. The way I grew up, the way my DP and his children grew up, the way we socialise: all nothing to do with "mumsnet world", and all worlds in which children being around would be seen as the absolute norm at all times.

theDudesmummy · 27/11/2014 08:44

We used to get quite odd looks when we took my stepdaughters out with us to restaurants for dinner when they were younger teenagers. Just not the norm in the UK. But when we go on holiday to southern European countries, absolutely the norm!

Celticlass2 · 27/11/2014 08:51

I agree with you Ischippy I have never come across a situation IRL where any of my friends or even acquaintances would even suggest bringing their children to a very obviously adult only night. What sort of person does this really??
Nobody I know is so self absorbed that they would think that this was acceptable. I've realised though, only having been on mumsnet for a few months, these people really do exist' and they tend to congregate on threads like these. Wink
Luckily I don't know anyone like them in real life, but if I did I would run a Mile . Smile

Mammanat222 · 27/11/2014 08:54

Glad it's all sorted - although I am surprised the OP got away so lightly!

When I refused to let my friends 3 year old child into my new house with brand new carpets as he wouldn't take his dirty wellies off I get castigated for it and when I dared mention the child in question wasn't exactly "well disciplined" I officially became the world's nastiest friend.

Anyhoo, I completely agree that anything adult only should be just that. If there is a babysitting emergency then you ask, you don't expect to just turn up with your kids?

For example when DS was much younger less of a handful I had a posh lunch planned with a few friends. Think expensive Sunday roast at place you need to book weeks in advance / lots of wine but on the day my OH woke up feeling really ill. I messaged all my friends and explained, suggested I cancel but they all we unanimous that I should bring DS. One even called the restaurant to make sure it was OK. The point is I offered not to come, I didn't just expect it was OK to turn up with a baby in tow.

I love all of my friends, but I like to see them in adult settings occasionally away from the distractions of kids (theirs and my own!!)

Artandco · 27/11/2014 09:12

This thread is exactly why many say England isn't exactly a child friendly society.

My dhs family (Greek), would be horrified to hear we had shipped children elsewhere or paid babysitters just to go to a house. A nightclub they would understand but dinner in a home would completely baffle them

BadLad · 27/11/2014 10:11

We used to get quite odd looks when we took my stepdaughters out with us to restaurants for dinner when they were younger teenagers. Just not the norm in the UK.

I completely understand the OP not wanting the friend to bring her kids, but I am amazed to read this. Teenagers accompanying adults to restaurants is rare enough for people to stare when they see it happening? Certainly that isn't my experience.

DixieNormas · 27/11/2014 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Fallingovercliffs · 27/11/2014 10:19

Well, thanks for all the replies.

Discussed this with a few colleagues in work and they were all very surprised that someone would drag their kids along to an adults only dinner. They also all agreed that they would be pretty annoyed to be the other guests and find themselves expected to put up with young children constantly interrupting and expecting to be included, when they had assumed it would be just adults (and had arranged babysitters for their own kids).

I think 7 and 9 is just an awkward age for this kind of thing. Babies and toddlers can be put to sleep and brought home in their pjs. Older kids of about 12 or 13 would be quite happy to sit in a separate room with some DVDs and popcorn and not interrupt the adults. But inbetween those ages it is pretty rare that kids will just disappear to another room for the night without interrupting, fighting, getting tired and cranky and wanting their mum etc.

OP posts:
Zucker · 27/11/2014 10:27

Bringing your children out on a night out with your own family or when it is planned is not the point of this thread though.

This was billed as an adults only night, an actual child free evening

GASP

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 27/11/2014 10:31

Totally with you op and isChippy

Er we take out teenagers out for meals and that's completely normal in the UK.

The comment about Greek children made me laugh.

It's very very easy to take children out and about at night to parties etc as its nice and warm and they play outside kids running around outside are a tad different to them running around inside.

We arnt less fond of children in the UK it's just it's usually cold and wet so we are all cooped up inside.

Being cooped up inside with other people's brats is hell.

Artandco · 27/11/2014 10:41

The body - erm my children are Greek, we live in the uk though.

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 27/11/2014 10:45

How does that change my point?

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