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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to think people shouldnt use dog related comments if a child is on reins/ hand loop etc.

150 replies

itispersonal · 22/11/2014 19:55

In the city centre today with my just 20 mo dd. She had been in her stroller but was gettin bored and likes walking but likes to her own thing ie go into direction she wants.

Didn't have normal reins with us so boughta through the hand one.

Her and I were shopping in children's clothes part of store. I stopped, did tell dd we were but she carried on so her hand pulled her back and she wobbled into some clothes.

A woman close by says "have you not taught her to heel yet?"

Aibu to think even if she meant it light hearted she shouldn't say it. I know people don't necessarily like them and I do mostly hold my dds hand whilst she is in the reins etc as that is what I want her to learn to do but shopping places are busy places and I'd rather her not get lost when she can't even talk yet.

Also my dm looks after my dd so my dm feels better with her in them.

Also if we can be nice as the only reason we were in shopping centre on a Saturday was to get us all out of the house and needed some clothes for a funeral as earlier this month we suddenly and unexpectedly lost my df

OP posts:
LovleyRitaMeterMaid · 22/11/2014 19:57

You're overthinking an off the cuff remark meant to be humorous.

Stop. It's bit important.

Sorry to hear about your df.

LeopardInABobbleHat · 22/11/2014 19:58

YAB a bit U. It was a flip remark because you pulled your DD back and I'm sure it was lighthearted. But I expect you are feeling (and understandably) very sensitive and I'm sorry for the loss of your DF.

5Foot5 · 22/11/2014 19:59

This sounds like a very minor thing to get wound up about. It was just a friendly, light hearted remark - don't take it so personally.

Perhaps you are still a bit sensitive after your sudden loss. Sorry to hear about that

cherubimandseraphim · 22/11/2014 20:05

I agree with you though OP - it sounds kind of snide, that remark. I use reins for bolter DD and have had a few disapproving "dog on leash" comments. If I get a chance I reply that I'd rather have DD on reins than under a car, but yes I think people should mind their own business about it. Yet another thing that the general public seem to feel empowered to comment on about how someone (almost always a woman) is parenting a child (I can tell you my DH has not had any comments about using reins which I think says rather a lot).

BlueberryWafer · 22/11/2014 20:14

I can tell you my DH has not had any comments about using reins so says a lot

Oh fgs here we go...

hoppus · 22/11/2014 20:17

I have no idea why people are so snidey about reins, you have to be thick to let a small child wander about a busy place without them.

Tactleneck · 22/11/2014 20:17

Just ignore, it sounds like it was supposed to be funny. Certainly not a comment worth dwelling on, people are forever vocalising thoughts theyvshould probably keep to themselves.

Cathycat · 22/11/2014 20:28

I'm sure it was supposed to be a joke but a joke you'd rather not hear when you are trying your hardest to get through the day. I'd have been annoyed in your shoes too! Take care xxxx

rusticwomble · 22/11/2014 20:28

Let the remark go. You will probably never see this woman again, and frankly you have a lot more going on in your head than some woman's tactless remarks - humourous or not. Carry on keeping your child safe. :)

EatDessertFirst · 22/11/2014 20:34

DD was a bolter who refused a buggy from 15 months, so had a wrist-cuff thingy that I could use with the buggy when DS was a baby. She'd walk much better with it on. She'd hold the carry handle on the side of the buggy when she had it on. I got loads of those nasty comments from ignorant people. One old baggage made a dog-lead comment to her equally snotty friend and it had me in angry possibly hormonal tears. I asked her if she'd enjoy seeing a small child flattened by a car. She shut up.
YANBU. Those saying you are overreacting have probably not experienced a bolter or have thicker skins than us.

cherubimandseraphim · 22/11/2014 23:11

BlueberryWafer, any particular reason for the rude comment (or for misquoting my post)?

Do you think it's the case that members of the general public go up to men to make passing comments about what they happen to be doing with their child as much as they do to women?

WellnowImFucked · 23/11/2014 02:04

Don't have either, child or dog.

Did have a dog loved him too much to let him wander in to danger, so in new/ crowded/unusual situations kept him on a lead even thought he was well trained to heel.

Whenever I see parents with a child on/in reins I never assume oh that's what I did with my dog, I think . . .

Ohh is s/he a bolter (I have a lot of nieces and nephews), then on the rare occasion I give it any other thoughts I think, well, you know what I don't, I assume that, that, parent knows their child enough to know reins are needed.,.and they are taking the steps they need to to keep their child safe.

Why is keeping your dog safe ok, but doing the same to your child is wrong?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 23/11/2014 02:15

I saw a young child (toddler maybe 2yo) running along the pavement , his Mother running after him with the buggy.(at this point she was laughing 'come back' but the little boy was having none of it)

He ran onto the road, fortunately it's restricted traffic, just taxis but he had a very near miss.
Someone managed to stop him, the Mum was a good way behind.

The chap who caught him said "You need reins on him"
"He's not a fucking dog" she spat (Nice Hmm )

"Well have a dead kid" he snapped back and walked away.

Ungrateful cow Angry

SurfsUp1 · 23/11/2014 02:19

Meh - I think you need to learn to laugh about it regardless of whether the person who said it meant it as a joke or not.
Mke a light hearted reply and move on. Who cares what she thinks anyway?

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 23/11/2014 02:23

The comment was thoughtless and stupid. Some people speak without engaging their brains. You know you're doing the right thing for your family so you just have to let any silly comments go.

I am sorry for your loss.

batteryhen · 23/11/2014 02:58

I use reins on my ds. He is a bolter and fast! I think that lady was just trying to be funny. Don't worry about what other people think, I've never had any comments but I would definitely say something back. It's no-ones business if you choose to use reins or not. You are keeping your child safe, who can possibly judge you for that?

Whippet81 · 23/11/2014 03:24

Seriously? Confused

I would have thought she was having a joke. I would have replied something like 'no the bloody dog was easier to train'.

Honestly I'm sorry if you're feeling sensitive after your loss but it's no wonder there are threads all over here about people falling out everyday if this gets people riled.

I must live in my own little bubble because I've never met anyone who doesn't think reins are a good idea (only saying it's a shame they're not used like they used to be) and plan to use them on DS when he's old enough.

billygoatscruff · 23/11/2014 09:00

I saw a distraught Mother in Lakeside yesterday who had lost her 2 year old child. The child was eventually found but it did make me look at my eight month old and think might get some reins for you in the future

crumblebumblebee · 23/11/2014 09:05

I think YANBU actually. It was quite snide and unnecessary. I happen to think reins are a great idea though; safety first!

redexpat · 23/11/2014 09:06

Ive had one comment in a country where reins are very very rare! Seems to be ok for the cms to use the wrist straps, but ds' little life backpack gets lots of stares. Then he realises people are looking at him, beams and says HEJ which usually makes them smile back.

Finola1step · 23/11/2014 09:09

I think there is a bit of snobbery when it comes to reins.

I had reins for a little while with ds when he was just walking. As soon as he learnt to walk, he could run. And he was a bolter too. So the reins went on. I felt weirdly embarrassed though despite having reins as a child myself.

I then I discovered the cute little animal backpacks with a detachable strap. Same blimming idea but oh so more acceptable in my frightfully middle class town. So I bought one and used it, guilt free.

So I suppose I am guilty of rein snobbery, for myself. But I don't think anything much when I see another child with reins except "I bet he/she's a bolter". I do get a bit judgy when I see young children running off in busy places or near busy roads.

Dog comments are rather idiotic. Ignore such things. I'm sorry for your loss. Flowers

Alligatorpie · 23/11/2014 09:14

Yanbu, I would have said something, I am trying to keep my dd safe.

When dd1 was 2, we were on holiday in the US and I had bought an animal backpack, the kind with a leash. It was the first day I was using it, and a man came up to me and told me what a great idea they are and then told me a story about his neighbours toddler who ran across a parking lot, was hit by a car and killed.
I have never felt bad about using one since.

AlpacaLypse · 23/11/2014 09:15

I got this sort of remark a few times when dtwins were at this stage - too big for a buggy but in no way reliable to stay put while I rooted about in handbag for purse etc. I really was using dogleads though, at that time the little back pack thingies hadn't been invented, so I had them in standard navy blue Clippasafe body harnesses, with a doglead clipped onto the back, and the handles looped over one wrist. Usually the remarks were friendly and jocular, only once did I ever get an officious old biddy genuinely having a go.

Alligatorpie · 23/11/2014 09:15

Leash / tail finola - that's what I am referring to.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 23/11/2014 09:27

I still use a reins-type thing for ds1. He is 8yo and disabled. He is sometimes in his wheelchair, but I like to encourage him to walk as much as possible. I have had people make comments about the reins for him too, which is appalling as obviously at 8yo there is a particular REASON he is using them FFS.

This kind of thing really annoys me. Personally I think reins on small children are a good idea. I hate seeing very small children right near the edge of the road when parents do not have them under reasonable control.

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