aibu to think people shouldnt use dog related comments if a child is on reins/ hand loop etc.

[itispersonal]

In the city centre today with my just 20 mo dd. She had been in her stroller but was gettin bored and likes walking but likes to her own thing ie go into direction she wants.

Didn't have normal reins with us so boughta through the hand one.

Her and I were shopping in children's clothes part of store. I stopped, did tell dd we were but she carried on so her hand pulled her back and she wobbled into some clothes.

A woman close by says "have you not taught her to heel yet?"

Aibu to think even if she meant it light hearted she shouldn't say it. I know people don't necessarily like them and I do mostly hold my dds hand whilst she is in the reins etc as that is what I want her to learn to do but shopping places are busy places and I'd rather her not get lost when she can't even talk yet.

Also my dm looks after my dd so my dm feels better with her in them.

Also if we can be nice as the only reason we were in shopping centre on a Saturday was to get us all out of the house and needed some clothes for a funeral as earlier this month we suddenly and unexpectedly lost my df

alice- very patronising comment. Are you suggesting that those of us who don't use reins are free and easy about safety?

Reins are a lazy way of parenting.

I wouldn't have seen the funny side.

It's rude and infers you were treating your LO like a dog.

bigbluestars No. Kindly don't put words in my mouth. I never said any such thing.

Reins are a lazy way of parenting Now who's being patronising?

I use reins to keep my disabled son safe. It's not to "teach" him anything, as he simply doesn't get it.

Lazy parenting? If you say so. You have a right to your opinion, even if it is wrong.

'Reins are a lazy way of parenting.'

And there you have it. The unvarnished and accusatory judginess of one woman to another's parenting choices.
Not a different way, not useful in certain circumstances, not a personal choice...just lazy.

I think people can say what they like and all you can control is how you react to it. if you are happy with your decision to use them then what anyone else has to say shouldn't matter

I have an actute memory of toddlerhood. I remember reins being used. I found them degrading. I felt like a dog.

I don't like reins either. For the exact reason that it's a bit like walking a dog.

I use them at times and am glad of them though - I'd like a dead or lost son even less.

Yes, but you are really old, like me. Parenting as a whole was different then, and reins were used to drag and control a child, as a precurser to being slapped on the legs.
I've never seen them being used like that by parents now.

Mine both loved being dogs on reins and would no longer respond as human children, only to 'come', 'heel', 'stay' etc, they even used to sit at radios roads much to others amusement.

I was sad when they were too big for them, they were a million times more obedient as puppies

jengnr "I use them at times and am glad of them though - I'd like a dead or lost son even less."

Is it either/or? If so deeply unimaginative.

Is it either/or? If so deeply unimaginative.

I'd say that's a fair sight better than being judgemental.

You don't like them. So don't use them. There. No problems.

But I see no reason for you to in turn use your personal dislike of them into a sneering comment that it's lazy parenting. Actually it's responsible parenting.

If it bothers you that much, seek counselling.

BlueberryWafer James Bulger wandered off out of a shop he wasn't left outside one.

Aargh! Lost my massive post.

I do accept that an over reliance on reins could interfere with a child's understanding of safety. However, if you have a number of children or one who walks very young like mine then teaching safety is a way down be priorities.

I did used to hold hands with my Dd while she was on reins so she wasn't really aware of them as reins - she called them her back pack. The reins were usually a safety device just in case.

And the occasion when I watched utterly helpless as she bolted without warning into the road as I was sorting shopping bags and had opted not to use them is etched into my brain

Reins are a lazy way of parenting Or, driving children everywhere or putting them in a pushchair is a lazy way of parenting?

Disclaimer: I don't think the above. I think anything that gets you through the day is great. I also think another word for 'lazy' is efficient and another word for 'not lazy' is martyr.

DD was a bolter and I used to get comments both ways. I felt bad. The lovely MrsPresley on here put me right and I still think of her, even though DD has been out of reins for a while now.

D D is not a bolter, thank god, but my little brother was and I still have very clear memories of my mother's terror when he legged it in a crowded shopping centre. It took 20m to find him. He went on reins after that, and I use them on DD as a precaution. They are useful to pull her around dog poo in the street though!

I've had a roughly equal amount of people asking where we got her leather reins (JL via eBay) and negative dog comments. ALL of the dog comments have come from people who drive their kids everywhere and walk nowhere.

DS has AS and was a bolter with no sense of self-preservation and an amazing turn of speed. It's why I always wore footwear I could sprint in.
Also why we love the South Downs, he could run for a mile and I could still see him. DD was very independent too.
We used reins on buses, trains and in cities. If you hold a child's hand and they attempt to escape, you run the risk of damaging their joints as they twist away. Reins spread the load.

DS#1 was a bolter and was fast and little road sense despite many efforts, it wasn't training, he understood, it was impulse control if he saw a dog he would take off and to hell with the consequences. He also hated holding hands and got to a point where he didn't want to be in the buggy. He was pretty good holding onto the buggy but would forget and let go and wander off, especially if I was distracted, for instance paying for something or needed to look for something in my bag. We had a deal that either he held hands (with hand leash for security) or he held the buggy (again with leash) or he was strapped in. Sometimes none of those were ok and all would produce a tantrum and I would strap him in the buggy and get going quickly. As he got older we only used them in situations I judged to need them, e.g. at Disneyland where the crowds were big and much to distract a toddler.

DS#2 loved old fashioned body reins, he and DS#1 would play horsey with them. I love old fashioned reins for when they are learning to walk, it saves many a grazed hand or knee.

I also used reins as a nanny when I had three boys under the age of three. I defy anyone to keep three toddlers at once safe without some sort of restraint (buggy, extra adult, reins) sometimes it is like herding cats, you stop to tie someone's shoe and one walks off in the other direction.

ChristmasEva and HateSpiders my bad, I got it two different cases mixed up - James Bulger wandered out of the butchers didn't he? I'm thinking of a different case where the boy was left outside a newsagents. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

bigbluestars: Reins are a lazy way of parenting.

Bollocks.

Which isn't half as rude as you were.

Keeping children safe isn't lazy. It's what you're supposed to do. And if I took my DGC to the Nat Hist museum for a lovely day out in their favourite place, I wasn't going to spend my whole day, in vast crowds, holding on to him like grim death, using it as 'teaching experience'. I was going to keep him safe whilst we looked at every dinosaur and bug in the place.

OP, ignore people who make silly remarks. As said previously, it was probably meant lighthearted but your extremely fragile right now. I'm so sorry for the loss of your DF

Your doing the right thing (IMO) by using reins/wrist strap/ a piece of bloody rope if you have to!

bigbluestars: Reins are a lazy way of parenting

That must be one of the most stupid remarks I've ever read on here!

How on earth can anyone be lazy, keeping their child safe. I wish my Ex DH had been lazy 30 years ago, maybe my son would still be alive, oh hang on, he was lazy, he couldn't be arsed to spend 1 minute putting them on because he was in a hurry!

I'm not going to criticise anyones style of parenting, we're all different, there's no right or wrong way (within reason) but to say using reins is lazy is just stupid

MrsTerryPrachett thank you for remembering me, I wish more people would, if using reins helps to keep just one child safe, it makes my existence that little more bearable.

OP I had a complete screaming fit at a woman on a train who made an interfering but pretty innocuous comment a few days after my FIL had died. DD was crying and when this woman interfered, it just all burst out of me and I couldn't stop it. Point is, it's both normal and understandable to be ubersensitive when you're grieving, whether the woman making the remark was rude or not

I used reins with both of mine and that comment would have made me laugh. It doesn't sound as though it was said judgementally or unkindly.

But it's understandable that you're feeling sensitive at the moment - very sorry for your loss.