Muslim mums at our school don't mix with non-Muslim mums

[Vanillacrescents]

There are a large number of mums wearing headscarves who are obviously Muslim at our school. They only talk to each other. Whenever I greet these mums, they don't greet back but prefer to talk to each other. In fact they look the other way. The other day I was first at the school gate and a younger Muslim mum was also waiting. I managed to have a friendly chat with her but the minute another Muslim mum arrived they only acknowledged each other talking in their own language and blanked me.

Yesterday ds fell off his scooter because he tried not to collide with one of these mums as she wasn't paying attention, looking away waving at her friends. Ds fell over and landed in front of her feet. He scraped his knee and started crying however this woman didn't say a word to him or smile at him.
I helped ds up right in front of her and still not a kind word or smile. Instead she gave me a really dirty look and tried to stare me down. I just don't get this attitude and feel it is unpleasant and segregating. I will always greet people regardless of their race, religion, taste in clothes or whatever and treat them with basic respect and be polite. It almost feels like these mums look down on everyone who isn't part of their community.

I suspect you have never been a minority, why wouldn't they only want to talk to each other?

But I think integration should be an option we don't all have to mix and get along. As long as we can aim to live side by side peacfully and respectfully does it matter if we have coffee together or not?

I suppose it matters what you mean by integration.

Also chuckling a bit at "even David Cameron."

Studies done in the 1960s after race riots in Chicago showed that racial segregation occurs as a natural phenomenon because at the margin people tend to basically prefer associating with people who are like themselves and live in areas that match their own socio economic group.

There needs to be only a very slight preference and complete segregation will still occur over time. It really isn't racism.

Thaiglish you post is ridiculous :)

My comment about David Cameron seems to have raised a couple of chuckles. Well love him or hate him he is the Prime minister of the UK. I mentioned him if only to make the point that even the government realize multiculturalism hasn't worked.

'the government' or The Tory Party desperate to win back ukip voters because the 2 aren't the same and I haven't heard Clegg saying the same thing

YANBU to think the woman was rude.

Not sure what her being Muslim and not mixing with others has to do with it though.

My mum never spoke to any of the mums when I was at school. Had no interest in doing so, so didn't.

It isn't a crime.

thai I dont think anyone here 'delighs in FGM'

ffx delights

ffs even

Ynbu. I hate the way people jump on the racism bandwagon.

I ignore lots of mums at school - I am an anti social old twat who hates small talk

I am a humanist

I do not own a headscarf but I do wear a beany hat

With all due respect Thaiglish, you're talking horseshit.

FGM, and lets just be crystal clear my love, is not an Islamic custom. It's a vile middle eastern/North African/East African rite. I don't think anyone delights in the ripping off and mutilation of a young girls clitoris, do you? I think your post is inflammatory, Daily Wail froth. No offence.

nor is homophobia restricted to the Muslim community

You name it, we have it at DD's school in terms of nationality/culture/religion. Yes birds of a feather flock together, but we have been invited for playdates and food to a Pakistani woman's house who is pretty traditional, and very friendly and hospitable. I don't see this as a problem.

Firstly, Islam is not a race.

Secondly, OP I don't think you have said anything malicious. However I do feel you should have just said, "There is a group of mums at my son's school who don't socialize." You did not need to mention their religion or culture.

Lots of people who have English as their second language can be shy when put on the spot as they have to think about every word they use. It does not neccessarily come automatically to them. I can imagine that I would rather speak my comfortable language 1st thing in the morning! Maybe try striking up a conversation in the afternoon and seeing if they respond any differently?

Too much emphasis on the individual now and Guardian Reader types are to blame for this. Pandering to people's rights to have their own culture but no obligation to contribute.
When I was at school in the nineties (Greater London, good school) you did not get this segregation. It was about two thirds white, one third not (mainly Chinese, Indian and North African). Lots of different religions and races. All with the same idea - get a good education. The Jewish girls sat out assembly (which was seen as normal) but apart from that everyone mixed freely and no one stood apart. If someone had a different racial or religious background from you it was interesting but you had more in common than not. It wasn't massively important and difference was not dwelt upon. People seemed to be able to float easily between (say) being Hindu, of Indian heritage and British.

I think the issue the OP really has is a clique of Mums who ignore her, even though she tries to be friendly. Tbh many people experience that up and down the county. I found there was a clique at my son's primary school who ignored and didn't speak etc....all white and middle class. Am so glad we are now at secondary school and beyond all that silly nonsense.

OP, just ignore it, you have tried to be friendly to these women, they haven't returned that friendly vibe so chat to others. Just keep saying hello when you see them though as they may well begin to see you in a different light,

Sadly I think many people in out communities can feel fairly outcast and so keep to themselves and their own cultures. They then feel mistrust of anyone not part of their community. So keep being friendly and maybe one day you'll get a friendly response back.

Someone on this thread mentioned inviting a child to tea lots of times but it was declined (family were Muslim). I don't know if this a cultural thing among Muslim families but I know DS has a friend in school who is a Traveller/Gypsy. His Mum has never accepted invites to tea because she said they just don't, it's not a part of their culture to do so. She is very friendly and open about this though so no issue on my part.m

OP of course YANBU to feel frustrated by this but just keep trying.

I know some very chatty (and kind) Muslims ...... I refuse to read the whole fecking thread, so I am sure others know chatty and kind Muslims too.

I do think they are being unreasonable - and unfriendly and miserable

I know the vibe, OP. Its not from all muslim women of course TG.

But some, I wonder, why did they come here if they hate everything so much?

p.s. you're not allowed to criticise anyone on MN AIBU, unless of course they are white and English - then its a free for all!