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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not babysit niece over Christmas

206 replies

blingblingbling · 15/11/2014 14:08

Hi mumsnetters, newbie here lol. I have been asked by SIL to take her daughter Christmas day, as my bro and her are going away. I refused as its my daughters first christmas. Andwant to enjoy it with her anf my DH. Her daughter is very clingy and prone to tantrums. I refused in a very polite way, saying that its our first christmas as a family and I want to spend it with my DH and baby. My SIL is now saying that I am abandoning my niece because I havea child of my own now. That is not the case. AIBU to not want to babysit.

OP posts:
lomega · 15/11/2014 20:28

Woooow. YANBU. In any way, shape or form.

Are they seriously going away without their lg for xmas!? I can't imagine not spending christmas with my baby unless I like, HAD to work, or something! But out of choice? Poor little girl. She must feel a bit unwanted at what's meant to be one of the most family orientated times of the year. they sound selfish tbh.

/hasn't read all of this thread so this is probably late to the party

sharlxx · 15/11/2014 20:35

Add a bit of fun on christmas day shes your neice ffs id love to see my niece on xmas day but she lives miles away. obviously the parents dont give a shit so why dont you make it nice for her save her being palmed off on someone else.
Slightly precious saying you want it to just be the three of you, you will be bored by dinner when baby has a nap wheres the love??

Aeroflotgirl · 15/11/2014 21:51

Sharl what the hell! Op has every right to have her own plans, it's doing her brother no favours, they have to take responsibility for the girl, they are her parents, not op! Pre schoolers can be quite a handful, it's not like an older child. But that's beside the point, hopefully die to op saying no, they have to cancel their plans and spend Christmas together as it should be.

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 15/11/2014 21:59

Wow sharlxx - what a nasty guilt trip you've just put on the OP.

Why isn't she entitled to a Christmas with her own immediate family?

And don't forget the party is 2hrs away so OP would be having her DN all day and, possibly all Christmas night as well.

Your post is unnecessary and unfair.

Goldmandra · 15/11/2014 22:31

hopefully die to op saying no, they have to cancel their plans and spend Christmas together as it should be.

Sadly this doesn't mean that the little girl will have a nice Christmas, especially if her parents are the type to be resentful about being stuck at home, missing the party.

I understand that you want this year to be just the three of you, OP, but I hope you will let her share your good times in the future because I have to wonder whether she'll make many really happy memories at home.

KatieKaye · 15/11/2014 22:32

Wow - that was uncalled for, sharlxx.
It's not at all precious for OP to want to spend her baby's first Christmas as a family of three.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/11/2014 22:37

I see the SIL has turned up ... Hmm

mimishimmi · 15/11/2014 22:41

Nobody ever owes others childcare, free or paid, unless they've received a lot of it themselves from those asking. Put your foot down now OP or it will become impromptu requests for nursery pickup, afterschool, sick care e.t.c too over the years. Noone should let others treat them like a doormat.

sharlxx · 15/11/2014 22:41

My point is th parents dont give two flying shits about her.So regardless if they dont go the 3 year old is going to have a crap day as they will probably resent her for missing the party. So why not step in and give the girl a nice day christmas is mainly about kids is it not?
I honestly dont get what the big issue is

KatieKaye · 15/11/2014 22:47

The big issues are:

  1. OP doesn't want to
  2. It's a stupid bloody party, not a life and death situation
  3. A 3 year old won't know which day is actually Christmas Day anyway, so her crap parents could get around it that way and make AN Other random day Christmas Day and she won't know any difference.

Why not just suggest OP steps in and takes over all the parenting for them?

DizzyKipper · 15/11/2014 22:53

What a depressing thought, parents who don't actually want to spend time with their daughter on Christmas Sad

Inertia · 15/11/2014 23:14

The big issue is that when people are attempting to abdicate all responsibility for their own child, you don't make it easy for them to carry on being shit parents. You are doing the child a much bigger favour in the long term by getting the parents to face up to their responsibilities.

YouTheCat · 15/11/2014 23:22

I think it would be different if they were asking the op to have their dd for New Year so they could go out. But Christmas day is about family and especially kids and a 3 year old is old enough to start understanding and being excited. For her parents to want to dump her and go drinking speaks volumes.

It's not up to the op to make Christmas special for her niece. That's what parents do.

Goldmandra · 15/11/2014 23:42

Not all parents do it, even when they are forced to be with their children.

temporaryusername · 15/11/2014 23:51

Just out of interest bling, why did your DB and SIL decide to have a child?

Bogeyface · 16/11/2014 00:10

My DD is 3 and I cant wait for Xmas this year! OK so H is working from 7 -4 but that cant be helped. The joy of her remembering, anticipating, seeing her gifts without the look of utter confusion that was on her face for the last 2 years (especially on Boxing day when there wasnt yet another load of gifts!). I cant wait!

I cannot get my head around parents not wanting to spend the day with their own child, and I had my eldest at 17 so I dont think their age is an excuse.

Your Bro and SIL are not called Dave and Denise by any chance are they?...paraphrasing as my memory allows....

Barbara - Where are the kids?
Denise - They're having a sleep over at our Anthonys
Barbara - Wont you miss them opening their presents?
Denise - Anthonys going to take photos of them. They'll have a lovely time.......Xmas, its not for kids really is it?

Bogeyface · 16/11/2014 00:11

temporary because they didnt realise that baby doesnt = accessory, it = hard work, sacrifice and putting the child before yourself. I suspect they love the idea of being parents when its in the abstract but the nitty gritty? Notsomuch.

sharlxx · 16/11/2014 00:21

Think people are missing the point. A parent who is willing to leave their child on christmas day is not going to give the child a good christmas, especially if they dont go to the party, so werent even going to be at home with her anyway.
So instead of refusing to have her to spite the parents, teach them a lesson, whatever, why not just think of the child

MollyHooper · 16/11/2014 00:25

Holy crap Bogey I was just about to post the same thing re Denise. :o

I have images of frozen turkey baths and cuppa soup with 'a twist'.

YouTheCat · 16/11/2014 00:25

It's not to spite the parents ffs. It's because the op has her own little family she wants to spend the day with - as is her choice. Why the hell should she not do that for her child's first Christmas just because her selfish arse of a brother wants to party?

Doing it this year then sets a precedent for future Christmases. Her brother and sil need to start being parents.

Bogeyface · 16/11/2014 00:27

Sharlxx I dont think anyone is missing the point of that. But sometimes you do have to stand up for yourself and yes, for the child.

The parents clearly are far too self centered to realise that the child should come first and the OP saying no will actually help them to get used to that not least by saying "I want to spend Xmas day with my husband and child". Ridiculous that the younger sibling should have to show the older sibling how families should be on Xmas day but there you are.

Its the SILs friends party so no hope there, but perhaps the DBro will rethink the dynamic in their family where the child comes first as a result of seeing how normal parents behave with their DC. So maybe (hopefully) if there is another invite next year the DBro will say no instead of "I will ask OP to babysit".

Bogeyface · 16/11/2014 00:28

And "a knob of stork" :o

temporaryusername · 16/11/2014 01:29

Yes, I see. Sharl OP obviously really cares about her niece, but the problem is that if she gives in on this where will it end? I'm also not sure that the little girl would have a better day separated from her parents. It may be that she feels more at ease with them, despite everything.

MollyHooper · 16/11/2014 01:30

:o

Mmm, carrot crush and oxo water.

All the Christmas specials are on netflix, DH and I watched them back to back last year while putting together a go kart on Christmas eve.

I feel all festive now. :)

Original poster
blingblingbling · 16/11/2014 02:01

This has all been sorted now. But I feel the need to add, that overall their good parents. As in, they love and care for their dd. But when a party comes up, they cant miss it. I cant understand that logic. But I will ve forever known as his baby sis, so he doesn't really see me as a wife and mother, he sees me as the babysitter lol. And I can already feel a rift forming between us. As he is taking advantage

OP posts:
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