to not babysit niece over Christmas

[blingblingbling]

Hi mumsnetters, newbie here lol. I have been asked by SIL to take her daughter Christmas day, as my bro and her are going away. I refused as its my daughters first christmas. Andwant to enjoy it with her anf my DH. Her daughter is very clingy and prone to tantrums. I refused in a very polite way, saying that its our first christmas as a family and I want to spend it with my DH and baby. My SIL is now saying that I am abandoning my niece because I havea child of my own now. That is not the case. AIBU to not want to babysit.

And don't forget; if you say yes to Christmas you'll also be having her for most of Boxing Day while they lie in.

And then repeat on NYE.

And every Christmas and NYE for the foreseeable future.

And you can't 'abandon' something which isn't yours. Your SiL is abandoning your niece, not you.

Stop discussing it with her. She will simply continue to pile on the guilt trip.

Next time she contacts you, simply say "No, I've told you I have other plans for Christmas and you repeatedly asking me is not going to change my mind." Then do not engage any further. No replies, no call backs. Enough.

Be strong. It is very sad for your niece but only because her own parents are bags of shite, not because of anything you have done xx

If you let your big brother bully you over this, when is it going to stop?

You are so not being unreasonable not to do it, but I think I would and it would be despite of brother and SIL not for them, I would just feel for poor niece.
What shitty fuckers.

Well I think this is, without doubt, the most unanimous YANBU I have ever seen. Unsurprisingly.

Yanbu at all how selfish and awful of her. Yes her dd is being abandoned on Christmas Day? By her own mum and dad!

I think its a case of having to be cruel to be kind. Me and my bro are the only two left in our family. My SIL is an only child. So, no immediate family to babysit apart from me. The only way I will babysit is, if they get someone unsuitable to take her. And even then I will find out if they are telling thr truth and not just guilting me into it even more.

You could just tell her that you are going to your DP's relatives for the day and they do not want someone else's child there. But frankly, why should you have to lie to get through to them when the truth is more than reasonable enough?

Op,give em an inch they will rake a mile. Hopefully if they have nobody to look after their dd it will force them to take responsibility. Have her any other day, but Christmas is for yourselves. She is nit your dd, she is theirs and they have to take responsibility. Be the best Aunt you can to her, but in the same vein step back if refuse if it does not suit you or your family. Poor girl

Next time she contacts you, simply say "No, I've told you I have other plans for Christmas and you repeatedly asking me is not going to change my mind." Then do not engage any further. No replies, no call backs. Enough.

^ This.

And if it helps, just think of their smug faces as they drive away from your house on Christmas morning leaving their distressed child needing lots of attention from you. Your own little one will lose out and your DP will feel you let him down. A truly memorable Christmas day.

Will that convince you?

As other's have pointed out, if you say yes to them now then it will only encourage them to push the boundaries further and further. And what will that do to your niece in the long run?

The best thing you can do, is turn this back on your SIL. When she says you are abandoning your niece because you have a child of your own now, point out that it is because you have a child of your own you now understand how important it is to the child to know they are loved by their parents. (You can choose whether or not to finish that sentence with 'and you needs to stop acting like a self-obsessed teenager and behave like the adult she should be at 29'.)

If you keep enabling them, they will only get worse.

Im sitting here nearly in tears. In the last two and a half years, I have lost my mother, had a miscarriage, got married, and fell pregnant again. And had my little miracle. Now all I want to do, is enjoy Christmas with my own little family. Just us. But im feeling so guilty about myDN. I know I have nothing to feel guilty about. I need to put my foot down, and I will. But this is causing me so much stress. Sorry for the poor me rant.

Who on earth would want to be away from their 3 year old on Christmas Day. I have an almost 2.5 year old and I am so so excited for Christmas because she is now old enough to enjoy the magic and presents. What sort of terrible parent would want to miss that for a party? YADNBU OP about wanting to have your own family Christmas.

No please don't feel guilty, by refusing you are making them take responsibility for the child they chose to have. They won't be able to go to the party and will have to spend Christmas shock horror with their own child! You are doing them no favours if you keep looking after her or bowing down to their tantrums. They should feel guilty for how they are treating their dd.

Put your foot down. Say no. Only 'no' and if they keep persisting, do not engage. What kind of parent chooses a child free party on Christmas of all times, over spending time of their own child.

You owe them nothing, tell them to get knotted!

Poor you, indeed.

Phone your brother and shout FUCK OFF down the phone at him.

Then refuse all further contact.

Well, you can imagine yourself doing it and his reaction... it might make you feel a little better.

As others have said, this will extend to Boxing Day and then they'll be wanting to go out for New Year.

Say no. Have a lovely Christmas. You can always offer to have dn for New Year or something.

bling that's okay darling, rant away. You sound lovely and I think your SIL and brother are really taking advantage of your gentle, giving nature and your desire to want to keep the family together after the loss of your mum.

But don't be a sap. Stand up to them. You'll end up with permanent footprints on your forehead otherwise. Your SIL obviously has a lot of front and must be very thick skinned and manipulative so don't worry about offending her - just do what's right for you.

In fact, just bypass her and deal directly with your brother. You might feel more comfortable with tearing him off a strip than with challenging her.

How is this contentious Chipping? Everyone is in total agreement as far as I can see!

And I think it's quite common/normal to start on AIBU, although it's not necessarily recommended.

I did I think, and I got a right pasting too.

Rant away Bling, you've had a rough couple of years, and yet your heart is still good. MN is a very good place to come to let off steam, to have a reality check, to find a shoulder to cry on.

Chipping do you think this situation is ok! Do you think it's fine to expect your sister to look after your child on Christmas Day whilst you and your DP swan off to a party. And act all huffy and stroppy when sister says no. Of course most people would be shocked hence the unanimous verdict on here.

Do your poor niece a favour and say NO. They need to be told how awful they are, not have you help them start treating their DD like an inconvenience. Maybe that will wake them up and they'll start behaving like proper parents.

Turn it back around on this selfish pair and give them a shock. Shame them, they need it!

'No, I am proud to say that I WON'T help X's parents get rid of her on Christmas Day. You should both be ASHAMED of yourselves. How can you prefer the idea of a bloody party over spending Christmas with your baby? I'm sitting here in tears, I can't believe you two could be so callous to her and to MY family as to try and guilt me into taking her in when you ABANDON her for Christmas Day. No way. Wake up to yourselves before you lose the respect of everybody who hears about this and don't you DARE even TRY and tell me I'M abandoning her - that's what YOU selfish pair are trying to do. We're disgusted with you.'

Chipping, AIBU is the part of MN most often mentioned on other media, so it stands to reason most newbies will pitch up here. It's how I came to MN, after an article in The Independent giving some examples from AIBU. It sounded like my kind of place .

Send this:

"Dear brother and cow. I'm very sorry about abandoning your daughter on such a special day. I only hope you can pretend to love her for a short while instead. Tell her Mummy Bling loves her very much and is looking forward to next time legal Mother and Father can't be arsed with her.

Hugz, Bling. XXX"

They are wrong. You are not. Merry christmas.