to not babysit niece over Christmas

[blingblingbling]

Hi mumsnetters, newbie here lol. I have been asked by SIL to take her daughter Christmas day, as my bro and her are going away. I refused as its my daughters first christmas. Andwant to enjoy it with her anf my DH. Her daughter is very clingy and prone to tantrums. I refused in a very polite way, saying that its our first christmas as a family and I want to spend it with my DH and baby. My SIL is now saying that I am abandoning my niece because I havea child of my own now. That is not the case. AIBU to not want to babysit.

I'm not sure how this is even your problem

I do agree with other posters this is not an issue with just SIL. Your brother is just as much to blame.

They sound really hard work.

That is exactly what the selfish bastards are counting on bling. Don't do it. I can't quite believe anyone would be so selfish as to not want to spend Christmas Day with their own child. Nasty.

No is a complete sentence.
("Don't be such a pair of selfish fuckwits, get your fucking heads out of your arses and concentrate on your own child" is also a complete sentence though )

Are you feeling guilty that her parents would dump her on Christmas Day for a party? Because again, I don't see how this is your problem. She is her parents' repomsibility, not yours.

Don't feel sorry for your niece. Put your foot down and do what's right for your family. It's baby's first Christmas, that's a big deal. And with all due respect to your niece whom I'm sure you love dearly, it does sound like she might take some if the joy out of the occasion. Not that I blame the poor little mite, but this Christmas is one to remember for your family.

"She is your child and your responsibility."

And repeat ad nauseum.

I havent babysat over Christmas for them before. But I have babysat my niece since she was born. My sil has never offered offered to babysit my dd and tbh I dont think I'd be comfortable leaving my child with her

Say no. If they can't go they get to spend time with their dd. Which is what they should be doing in the first place.

In a way this is your nieces first christmas - at 3 this is the first time she will anticipate it, remember it all year, thus building excitement for following year. And they plan to miss that for a party 2 hours away? Very selfish, and uncaring of their daughter.

Your baby will hardly notice christmas to be honest, but that is not the point at all. It's about their responsibility to their daughter to make christmas a family celebration that is special for her.

I feel very, very sorry for your niece.

I completely understand that you want Christmas to be for your closest family this year but you might want to rethink this in future years. Her parents don't sound like the sort to make much effort on her behalf and being with you might be the only way she gets to make some really special Christmas memories.

As long as she gets along well with your own children, having her with you at Christmas might become a family tradition that is really positive for all of you.

I cannot imagine ever wanting to spend two hours travelling on Christmas Day, never mind leaving my three year old behind to do it but I do have a family member who wouldn't think twice about it. Her children have made happy memories at mine and are a tad envious of our family life despite us having significantly less money and a much less glamorous lifestyle.

I feel very, very sorry for your niece.

I completely understand that you want Christmas to be for your closest family this year but you might want to rethink this in future years. Her parents don't sound like the sort to make much effort on her behalf and being with you might be the only way she gets to make some really special Christmas memories.

As long as she gets along well with your own children, having her with you at Christmas might become a family tradition that is really positive for all of you.

I cannot imagine ever wanting to spend two hours travelling on Christmas Day, never mind leaving my three year old behind to do it but I do have a family member who wouldn't think twice about it. Her children have made happy memories at mine and are a tad envious of our family life despite us having significantly less money and a much less glamorous lifestyle.

Your all right. They expect the guilt to get to me. But no, its not my problem. They can spend Christmas with their own child.

Of course you are not being unreasonable. BUT your bro and sil sound like prize cunts and if they are willing to leave their 3 year old child on Christmas day then I'm guessing they aren't in line for any 'parent of the year' awards.

I'd be inclined to have niece so I could make sure she has a happy and decent Christmas

I feel for your niece, OP. I think I would raise hell with my brother about leaving his child on Christmas. If it looked as though they were going to do that anyway and leave her with someone else less welcoming, then I would likely relent and have her at my house, for her sake, certainly not for my brother's. The thought of disappointing a young child, especially at Christmas, just turns my stomach.

You do know what to do, you said so, stand firm.
You can't solve the fact that your niece has shitty selfish parents by being an enabler for them.

Say no and stick to it, if you do this you'd be a huge doormat for them both to step on whenever they feel like.

You're not abandoning her, they are, for the sake of a party, what a couple of arses they sound.

" My SIL is now saying that I am abandoning my niece because I have a child of my own now."
Just for nosiness Bling, who is she saying this to? Just you, or others? And what is your mother's opinion on her son's behaviour?

Scone, I doubt they will find anyone else to
Leave DN with unless it's one set of parents.

They are counting on your guilt as it will enable them. What they are doing now in emotional blackmail an proposing in basically leaving their excited 3yo on Christmas Day is unfair, as it sounds like they want you to have her all day.

WhereYouLeftIt, my SIL is saying thisto me, and my DM has passed away. And honestly, I keep changing my mind. On principle, I shouldn't babysit. But my heart is telling me to give my DN a nice christmas.

My sil has never offered offered to babysit my dd and tbh I dont think I'd be comfortable leaving my child with her

Too bloody right!

Do you think they would have the cheek to try and get someone else to have their daughter?

Or will they really miss the party?

Selfish cunts.

Sorry I rarely use that word but ive used it twice as I'm annoyed

Tell her you can't be abandoning her because she is not your child.

"sil how am I abandoning her? She is not my responsibility, she is yours and db's. If anyone is abandoning her it is you two, her parents. If you cannot see that then I can't help you."

What awful people

Mamma, I think anyone apart from immediate family would say no straight off.

OP, if they don't go to the party, then I'm sure they will make arrangements to have fun at home, they'd be cutting off their noses to spite their faces otherwise.

And if you say yes this year, they may assume it every year....

I understand why you are tempted to give in. but if you do, you must do it for your niece, (and only because you are worried she'll be palmed off onto someone completely unsuitable and irresponsible if you refuse) and not as a favour to your Bro and SIL.

If you end up backing down you must make it absolutely clear that you are disgusted with them and are doing under duress and only out of grave concern for your niece's welfare, and that they are shit parents who really need to sort their priorities out.