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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not babysit niece over Christmas

206 replies

blingblingbling · 15/11/2014 14:08

Hi mumsnetters, newbie here lol. I have been asked by SIL to take her daughter Christmas day, as my bro and her are going away. I refused as its my daughters first christmas. Andwant to enjoy it with her anf my DH. Her daughter is very clingy and prone to tantrums. I refused in a very polite way, saying that its our first christmas as a family and I want to spend it with my DH and baby. My SIL is now saying that I am abandoning my niece because I havea child of my own now. That is not the case. AIBU to not want to babysit.

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 15/11/2014 16:16

Aero not eagerly

TiggyD · 15/11/2014 16:19

Cool!

Castlemilk · 15/11/2014 16:20

Good for you OP!!!

WeirdCatLady · 15/11/2014 16:20

Bling, to use my new favourite expression - you have ovaries of steel! Well done you!

(Been waiting a whole day to use that after someone popped it on the wonderful Jess Ennis thread )

Aeroflotgirl · 15/11/2014 16:23

I know stealth, it is odd. Unless they are totally clueless.

Alisvolatpropiis · 15/11/2014 16:23

chipping

AIBU is often what comes up when you google mumsnet.

It was my introduction to Mumsnet and no doubt has been many others.

Is there a law that you must post on other boards before you dare post on AIBU that I missed?

CoolStoryBro · 15/11/2014 16:31

I can understand the host having a no kids invited party. I can't understand a host then inviting people with kids to said party, bam smack in the middle of Xmas Day!

vienna1981 · 15/11/2014 16:37

Well done bling. Jolly good show.

Shardlakelover · 15/11/2014 16:51

ShockShock at your SIL and brother. I would maintain that I wouldn't babysit for them but if they did then manage to palm off your poor DN onto someone unsuitable, I might reconsider then.

I still can't believe anyone would prioritise a party over spending Christmas with their three year old. Your poor DN. Sad

FishWithABicycle · 15/11/2014 17:06

Well done OP. Sorry my last exhortation came after you had womanned up to bro - I was trying to (still am trying to) combine mumsnetting with semi-effectual-parenting and the thread moved on significantly during the time it took me to type that.

Ignore chipping. It's just that it's true that occasionally bored people make up a drama to entertain themselves and create a thread that gets everyone het up. But just because it happens doesn't mean that every thread with a difficult situation is made up, and chipping was silly to imply it (and as other posters have mentioned, it's making such accusations willy-nilly that is against the rules)

babykonitsway · 15/11/2014 17:07

Oh boo hoo they will miss a party, they need to get a grip. They made a child. That child comes first. Simple. How unbelievably fucking selfish.

YANBU.

Original poster
blingblingbling · 15/11/2014 17:17

Wow, I am so glad I joined. I could use the support, thanks again xxx

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 15/11/2014 17:20

You most certainly did the right thing, and way to go, well done you! Mabey that is just what they needed to hear. Put your child first!

waithorse · 15/11/2014 17:26

Brilliant result. Smile

frankie001 · 15/11/2014 17:26

Well done Bling. You've done nothing wrong so no need for guilt trips from them. Hopefully your coversation will help them relook at their priorities.

aermingers · 15/11/2014 17:34

I read this and I was wondering why nobody had asked about the timescales as if it was just a couple of hours I could understand them being a bit annoyed. But I've just read that it's two hours away. So even if they only stayed 2 hours they would be dropping her off at 10 and not picking her up until 4 which for a 3 year old would mean just a few hours with her parents on xmas day.

I'm really shocked a parent would want to do that, it's very sad. I agree with an earlier poster who said say no, but if they say they are sending her somewhere unsuitable step in. Poor little girl.

The only thing that made me wonder is the OP says that there is no family on either side except for her. This has made me wonder what the mother's background is, does she have no family of her own? Was she brought up without family? In care or something? I just wondered if there was something in her background which meant she hadn't had her own xmases as a child and therefore didn't really see xmas as a family time or something.

clam · 15/11/2014 17:51

Who the hell throws a party on Christmas Day, invites people who have children, but bans those children from attending?

And what sort of people would consider, even for a moment, off-loading their kids and attending? Surely your immediate response would be, "Sorry, no."

HelloItsMeFell · 15/11/2014 17:52

I don't think it matters if it was only half an hour aermingers, they would still have no right to be annoyed at all. You don't dump your young children on a relative on Christmas Day so you can go off drinking with your mates, and you especially don't have a right to get all arsey when said relative says no.

angelohsodelight · 15/11/2014 17:54

What a couple of nasty people, abandoning their 3 year old on Christmas day. And it's such a lovely age at Christmas.

Stay strong and say no, otherwise you are condoning their actions.

OwlWearingSunglasses · 15/11/2014 17:58

Well done bling for standing firm. Despite the guilt trip your SIL tried to send you on.

My heart goes out to your niece though. Poor little mite! Her own parents seem to resent her being there and spoiling their Christmas Day fun!
She is the perfect age to begin making her Christmas memories. Bless her.

The magic of Christmas is for children.

Inertia · 15/11/2014 18:00

Well done you.

No wonder the poor child is clingy- her own parents want to dump her off on Christmas Day ( which is magical when they are 3 yo) so that they can go and get pissed. They bloody well should be ashamed of themselves.

You can always be there when your niece needs you. But being a loving aunt to your niece means that you can't enable her parents to behave like selfish irresponsible idiots towards her.

aermingers · 15/11/2014 18:10

Hello, I just meant it in the context that it really shocked me. As I was reading through I was thinking, it must me as only for a short time, surely nobody would dump their kids all day at Christmas. I was shocked it turned out to be the case. I think it would be a relatively reasonable request for a couple of hours and I could understand why saying no to that could be construed as saying 'No, we just don't want her here'. I've looked after nieces and nephews for a few hours in the afternoon while their parents went for a few drinks with neighbours and my in laws have done it for me.

But that's irrelevant here because they are talking about the whole day. Even if they stay only for a little while it will still be the equivalent of almost an entire working day. She's just being palmed off. It's really sad.

Is the mother from a different cultural background or something maybe? I'm just trying to get my head round if there is a reason for this because it's horrible.

twizzleship · 15/11/2014 19:05

if they keep harassing you then just be very blunt and harsh with them - tell them if they can't sacrifice their own selfish desires on christmas day (of all days) for the sake of their daughter then the poor child is better off being adopted to parents who actually give a damn about her.

KatieKaye · 15/11/2014 19:50

It's a party.
Not going to see a relative in hospital or dealing with an emergency.
A bloody party.

Sorry, but your DB is a complete wanker for even considering doing this, far less asking you. And SIL sounds even worse.

I feel sorry for your poor DN, having such useless parents that they would rather spend Christmas Day away from their 3 year old.

DO not let them guilt trip you. Just keep telling yourself that this is a party, nothing important.

CrapBag · 15/11/2014 20:19

Well done for firmly standing by your original answer. They are fuckwits for even thinking of fucking off to a child free party on Christmas day!

When I was heavily pregnant with DD, I ended up in hospital on Christmas day from 7am until 5pm whilst my 3 year old had to be left with relatives. It was our last Christmas as the 3 of us and I was devastated to have missed it. I would never purposely miss Christmas with my children/child.

Oh and AIBU won't always be like this! Grin Luckily in this case it is clear cut but its a rarity on here.

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