AIBU to say nothing to DH even though I can't unknow what I know !

[Toofat2BtheFly]

Right , first post so be nice , and I will do my best grammar wise but it's not my strong point ...

Anyway let me set the scene ... I'm a married FT working mommy to 3 DDs eldest is 16 then 3 and 4 year old .

Mornings are also not my strong point but somehow I manage to get everyone up and ready and out the door in a reasonable state of dress on timeish , dropped off at school , nursery , collage and get to my desk for 9am , my little ones are not the most cooperative of kids first thing in the morning but we get the job done usually at the expense of the housework , ie breakfast stuff not in the dishwasher , toys left out , pj's left where ever they were taken off ...

DH has a huge issue with this as he thinks I should be more organised ,he is gone way before kids get up the morning so actually has no idea what happens UNTIL NOW

Today I have found several recordings of upto 2 hours long on the IPAD recording exactly what goes on a morning ... The shit bag has been secretly taping me on a app ... I've no idea what he plans to achieve by this or what he intends to do with the info on there but I can't tell you how upset I am ...

He is generally a fairly decent DH and DF , but I know he will try to laugh it off if I mention it or say something along the lines if I had nothing to hide it shouldn't be a problem , or something else similar ..

WIBU to say nothing to his face but Monday morning talk to the iPad to let him know I know , ie 'good morning DH , hope u enjoy today's thrilling installment of the morning routine ' .... It's a bit PA but I'm too heartbroken to row which is a shame as usually love a good row ...

Wise mumnetters , give me a good talking too please !

Well, if you are satisfied with the proving snoring (Fwiw I downloaded an app to record my own snoring because I wasn't sure if I did) then yes he needs to know how unacceptable it is to record someone without their knowledge or consent - particularly his wife who should be able to trust him above all others. How you go about that is up to you but icy calm is a good start as it takes away much of the ability to deflect.

On the plus side you seem to have stumbled on a jumping off point to getting him to contribute to mornings. He is capable of making breakfast, packing school bags, sorting lunch money and school letters etc all of which will make your mornings easier - but be cautious of arriving at a point where he thinks his contribution should mean you leave the house pristine. This should be about him doing his part not about your differing views on housework!

silveroldie - have you considered an anger management course? Talk about over the top.

Ok, I admit - I have thought about taping my husbands snoring as he always denies it's as bad as I say it is. It is plausible.

Aww make sure you snore good n proper tonight Op I always do after a few ....

He's lying.

I'd believe him. I'd twat him over the head with a rolled up newspaper though, because I know I snore My ex and I did similar things, but the thing was, that they were always a bit silly, to prove a point, have a laugh etc never in a nasty way. So for me it would depend, I suppose, on why he was trying to record you snoring.

Not to mention, many times on MN people have been told to record their DH's partners snoring to show them how bad it actually is! (usually to force them to try to sort it out).

However, that aside, you have stuff you need to sort out - like who died and made him think he was Boss? Like him doing his share around the house and stuff before work. Like him treating you FAR FAR better than he his - unless he wants to find himself living in a pokey little bedsit.

Enjoy your

Inertia "He's lying."

Really? What's your theory then?

I think he set it up initially for the snoring, listened and then became curious.

Nah I don't think he did it to record snoring.

I think he did it to see if the OP lay in bed for ages, pressing snooze rather than get up promptly and execute a faultless, serene morning routine like he imagines he would.

Hmmmm. Not sure about the timing of the recording, but I guess I can believe the motive.

I'm pregnant at the moment, and I'm congested and snoring like a warthog. Truly deafening. And I know this because my DP recorded me one night because I wouldn't believe him!

I don't believe he was recording your snoring. For ten minutes before your alarm goes off? That doesn't make sense or ring true at all.

He has been recording you to see if you lay in bed too long, either sleeping or time wasting (reading/internet/whatever) instead of getting up with enough time to get the girls ready and out of the house in an organised fashion.

If he complains about the clothes on the floor and the dishes left on the table and you say 'I just don't have time in the mornings' he will then say 'Ah, but you didn't get up until XXX minutes after the alarm so you could do all these things if you were more motivated.'

That does seem more likely, tbh.

OP said "Recording start at 6.35 my alarm go off at 6.45 .. Apparently that just how long it goes for !", so doesn't that mean that it isn't recording after the alarm goes off? If so, how can all these theories that he's checking that you don't stay in bed too long, be correct? The recording wouldn't tell him that.

he just didn't believe the OP got up when her alarm when off, so he was expecting a full hour or more of snoozey snorey sleepy time, so he could denounce her as a lazy besom who didn't get out of bed until ten minutes before she had to leave the house.

i'd have hidden the bloody thing and made him hunt high and low.

Couple of questions, OP: Does the first ten minutes of the recordings feature you snoring? And has he ever complained about your snoring?
If the answers are no and no I know what I would think....

Haven't read the whole thread, sorry, but I would have the iPad in my hand with the recording running while Asking him what the Fuck he was playing at. Visitors or not.

MissMillament, the OP said "I'm not usually a snorer but it is something he has mentioned over the last few days".

Oh sorry, missed that.

If he was just going after the snoring, why not just record it during the night while he was home (perhaps when he was up getting ready for work) and then stop the recording? Doesn't make sense to hit the record 10 minutes before she gets up and just leave it running.

If I was to record a partner snoring, I'd do it when I was home, record a few minutes of it, then stop the recording. and then play it for them. I certainly wouldn't be recording a few hours of it a few days in a row.

If possible, get the kids out of the way and confront him.

I would be beyond angry if anyone did this to me. I am sure he is trying to prove how incompetent and useless you are and how he could do much better.

It takes me from 7 am until 9 am just to get one child off to school and the other dressed and fed and so I just come home afterwards.

An alternative would be for him to get them all to their various places at least once. Maybe when he has some time off?

I'm amazed the ipad is still in one piece frankly.

Like bollocks he was recording the snoring. He could do that on his phone, whilst lying next to you. And surely, he'd have already done the 'Hah, see you do snore' bit.

If it was the snoring, then he would have recorded you during the night, not in the am when he isn't normally there as he has already got up so doesn't know if you are snoring or not. He would also have stopped the recording more or less when you normally get up why would you go further?
AND very importantly he should have talked to you about it before doing it, he would have listened to it with you and wouldn't have done it several days in a row. No snoring, no problem?

I think you need to clearer to him as to how it made you feel, hie this us a breech of trust, even to check the snoring!!, because the it doesn't seem that he really got that.

Recording snoring in the morning? For 10 minutes, 3 days in a row? Does he think you were born, yesterday.

I'll confess that I'm sometimes tempted to record the cute noises DH makes as I'm getting ready for bed (he's a lark, so often in bed 2 hours before me.) There'd be no secrecy about it, though, and he knows I'm tempted to do it.

That's unacceptable, I wonder what else he records! Definitely confront him, and tell him you find this unacceptable and a breach of trust.

And, if he managed to capture you snoring, what was he planning on oding with the information? And why 3 days in a row?

And agreeing - at night would be better, rather than when you're nearing the end of your sleep cycle, if that was his true intention.