AIBU to say nothing to DH even though I can't unknow what I know !

[Toofat2BtheFly]

Right , first post so be nice , and I will do my best grammar wise but it's not my strong point ...

Anyway let me set the scene ... I'm a married FT working mommy to 3 DDs eldest is 16 then 3 and 4 year old .

Mornings are also not my strong point but somehow I manage to get everyone up and ready and out the door in a reasonable state of dress on timeish , dropped off at school , nursery , collage and get to my desk for 9am , my little ones are not the most cooperative of kids first thing in the morning but we get the job done usually at the expense of the housework , ie breakfast stuff not in the dishwasher , toys left out , pj's left where ever they were taken off ...

DH has a huge issue with this as he thinks I should be more organised ,he is gone way before kids get up the morning so actually has no idea what happens UNTIL NOW

Today I have found several recordings of upto 2 hours long on the IPAD recording exactly what goes on a morning ... The shit bag has been secretly taping me on a app ... I've no idea what he plans to achieve by this or what he intends to do with the info on there but I can't tell you how upset I am ...

He is generally a fairly decent DH and DF , but I know he will try to laugh it off if I mention it or say something along the lines if I had nothing to hide it shouldn't be a problem , or something else similar ..

WIBU to say nothing to his face but Monday morning talk to the iPad to let him know I know , ie 'good morning DH , hope u enjoy today's thrilling installment of the morning routine ' .... It's a bit PA but I'm too heartbroken to row which is a shame as usually love a good row ...

Wise mumnetters , give me a good talking too please !

Have a row with him and tape it.

Ha! Cross post Oldraver :)

Are there other areas where he makes you feel inadequate?

DH has a huge issue with this as he thinks I should be more organised why a huge issue?, does he nag you endlessly?

Let him record you packing his stuff and changing the locks.
That is good too.

This amounts to a massive breach of trust and would have serious implications for the future of my relationship in any event. I think any partner (man or woman) in a relationship would find this absolutely intrusive, disrespectful and disgusting.

I would be going fucking nuclear about that. Monday morning he'd be watching me pack his shit and throw it out of the door.

OK if you are not going to be confrontational/upset then I would tell him you will let this go on condition he takes a day off work, you go to work early and a film is made of him coping with everything you cope with every morning. If he doesn't do it to absolute perfection, leaving everything tidy, not losing his rag for a second and they are all on time, he has to do it again. And again. Then invite all your friend round for a viewing (with popcorn).

Actually I do think this is serious, I'm not just being flippant. If he dares to judge you on this and film you then he can have the same happen to him. If he's not willing then why the hell not? Ask him if he's scared he won't manage.

Ask him to leave until he can summon up some actual respect for you.

What a wanker

That is awful! I'd be tempted to talk to the iPad as well on Monday and see what he does.

In all seriousness, if you do anything other than confront him face to face it's going to look like you're not taking it too seriously.

Don't wait till Monday, don't talk to the Ipad and be passive aggressive about it. Confront him today and tell him how violated you feel.

I understand you not wanting to face this head on but I'm concerned you are doing head in the sand on just how bad this is in terms of how he views you and your relationship.

Where is the iPad in the mornings? I'm sorry but I don't get it.

Maybe throw a towel over it every morning so he sees nothing?

How strange!

Crush up a sugar tablet off camera and then start snorting lines of it off of the breakfast table. Give him something to moan about- and then dump the freak.

My DH is not usually a controlling man as such , I think he likes to think he is but I'm a strong enough character to deal with it ...

We have a good strong marriage with no previous trust issues ..

He does a superior complex about his nature , always thinks his opinion is right , he can do it better etc but I'm secure enough to roll my eyes and be confident in my own choices IYKWIM ...

I'm actually desperate to say something now but have visitors this afternoon so it will have to keep ,

What a knobber !! ,this has actually made me think my lovely secure marriage is anything but ... Attack is the first form of defence so they say !

I just cant figure out what he thinks he is going to achieve !

So instead of pitching in and helping he films you ?
That says something about his attitude to the whole of family life.

I agree with those who say to confront head on now. If he is looking for a reason to leave, then you will definitely be better off without him.

I wouldn't care about visitors

I would tell him you are contacting a solicitor on Monday and you re very creeped out.. Frighten him a bit.

He is wierd!!!

It's not a film it's just the sounds ...

The iPad is kept ( always has been ) under the divan base ..

Looks like he sets it to record just as he leaves and then puts it back under the bed

1. If DH complains about the state of the house I point him in the direction of the dusters and hoover
2. If I caught DH spying on me I would go apeshit. No way would I sit on it till Monday

Actually, this is so bizarre that I can't get my head around it. I can't think of any decent reason for this spying (unless he misses the morning routine so much he wants to have it immortalised on camera to watch it at work)

I think "you're right! Darling I AM hopeless in the mornings and you would be so much better. So I've arranged to work flexibly, starting at 7am so I can be home for the children at the end of school. This way, the person with the best skills can do the job".

Or "I'm fucking off to Barbados for a fortnight and when i come back I expect all the usual stuff PLUS xxxx done".

I think you should whip out your phone and 'talk' to someone saying, 'Sorry darling, can't make our usual today but will be thinking of you. Can't wait to pick up where we left off last time, sexy.'

Then see if your dh mentions it.

I'd talk to the iPad and then ask it how it felt about being shoved sideways up his bloody fundament! This is so far beyond outrageous that it's hard to know what to say - hope you're ok because I can't help thinking it must be a terrible shock.

Is he leaving it propped up recording a visual downstairs or it is a sound recording?, it's so fucking weird either way.

Bit speechless, is the recording of one morning only and possibly a mistake (hopeful) or of many mornings?