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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say nothing to DH even though I can't unknow what I know !

217 replies

Toofat2BtheFly · 08/11/2014 11:23

Right , first post so be nice , and I will do my best grammar wise but it's not my strong point ...

Anyway let me set the scene ... I'm a married FT working mommy to 3 DDs eldest is 16 then 3 and 4 year old .

Mornings are also not my strong point but somehow I manage to get everyone up and ready and out the door in a reasonable state of dress on timeish , dropped off at school , nursery , collage and get to my desk for 9am , my little ones are not the most cooperative of kids first thing in the morning but we get the job done usually at the expense of the housework , ie breakfast stuff not in the dishwasher , toys left out , pj's left where ever they were taken off ...

DH has a huge issue with this as he thinks I should be more organised ,he is gone way before kids get up the morning so actually has no idea what happens UNTIL NOW

Today I have found several recordings of upto 2 hours long on the IPAD recording exactly what goes on a morning ... The shit bag has been secretly taping me on a app ... I've no idea what he plans to achieve by this or what he intends to do with the info on there but I can't tell you how upset I am ...

He is generally a fairly decent DH and DF , but I know he will try to laugh it off if I mention it or say something along the lines if I had nothing to hide it shouldn't be a problem , or something else similar ..

WIBU to say nothing to his face but Monday morning talk to the iPad to let him know I know , ie 'good morning DH , hope u enjoy today's thrilling installment of the morning routine ' .... It's a bit PA but I'm too heartbroken to row which is a shame as usually love a good row ...

Wise mumnetters , give me a good talking too please !

OP posts:
Coumarin · 08/11/2014 14:02

Really weird. I also don't think it's your housework skills he's interested in recording. Not that it matters wtf he's recording you for, it's still really weird.

You said he's not a controlling man and then go on to describe a very controlling man. Just because he doesn't manage to control you doesn't mean he isn't controlling. How is he with your children?

paxtecum · 08/11/2014 14:04

Skylark: I just knew some super efficient woman would come on and say they manage to put pjs away, make 20 packed lunches, clear the kitchen, whilst brushing the floor, (brush is up bum), put dinner in the slow cooker, make beds, do the online shopping whilst sitting on the loo.

We are not discussing how to be more efficient in the morning.

BrieAndChilli · 08/11/2014 14:05

skylark you have no idea what the OPs children are like. my eldest who is nearly 8 has fine motor control issues which mean doing buttons and putting on socks takes him ages. he also has some aspergers traits which often ends in complete metldown because i dared to get his school shoes off the shoe rack and by the door for him to put on and he wanted to get them himself (even though the i had done the same the previous day with no issue).

StrattersFeeear · 08/11/2014 14:11

It's a terrible, terrible breach of trust.

He doesn't trust you, to the degree that he thinks it's rational to secretly video you. That much he doesn't trust you.

APlaceInTheWinter · 08/11/2014 14:12

I think the most telling part is that you've jumped to the assumption that he is filming you because he has issues with your morning routine.

If I found such videos, I'd assume someone had accidentally recorded it or the iPad had a glitch or the DCs were playing a trick on each other. So it sounds as though he doesn't respect you and you don't trust him. Neither of which says you have a secure marriage.

I'd ask him if he knows about it as soon as the visitors have gone.

WellnowImFucked · 08/11/2014 14:13

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?

Just that.

2minsofyourtime · 08/11/2014 14:17

I thing this is something else entirely. So your has recorded 6 hours of noise most of which will be.. Get dressed.... Clean your teeth....why would he want to listen to 6 hours of that.

There has to be more to this behaviour

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 08/11/2014 14:17

I think it sounds like the plot of an episode of a TV show... are you researching, OP?

MyOneandYoni · 08/11/2014 14:21

I'm with APlaceinWinter.

This is a mistake.

Surely?

FryOneFatManic · 08/11/2014 14:22

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo Ever heard of the saying "truth is stranger than fiction"?

This OP sounds very believable to me, based on a few people I know.

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 08/11/2014 14:25

Really? Wow

rookiemater · 08/11/2014 14:25

I can believe it.

DH once got a scatch on his car and got a video camera to record movement, then spent many a happy hour reviewing the footage ( even though there was no further damage) until he moved on to his next hobby.

I agree with those who say it might not be about the breakfast timings, but more recording everything that's going on, which is seriously freaky.

notagainffffffffs · 08/11/2014 14:27

This reply has been deleted

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Only1scoop · 08/11/2014 14:31

Hmmmm

Original poster
Toofat2BtheFly · 08/11/2014 14:32

I'm back but only for a brief moment ... I have come to the conclusion he has recorded because he thinks I stay in bed until the very last minute , allowing the kids to trash the place whilst I'm too lazy to get up to stop them ...

I have no reason to think he thinks I'm cheating on him ( and I wouldn't be at 7am anyway !)

No tv pilot .. Unfortunately ( might have a idea there though !)

I think he is just being a arse , although I'm yet to know as I can't get the visitors to leave just yet to find out !

I honestly thought we had a solid marriage ...

Il be back later to update as I'm as baffled as you lot !

Thanks ladies Confused

OP posts:
GallbladderFairy · 08/11/2014 14:34

Can you talk us through your general morning routine/timings?

Original poster
Toofat2BtheFly · 08/11/2014 14:34

I too wish this wasn't real ... But it really is Confused

OP posts:
rookiemater · 08/11/2014 14:37

What time does he leave at in the morning toofat ?

StarlingMurmuration · 08/11/2014 14:39

That makes sense, OP. Perhaps he's expecting to hear you getting up five minutes before you have to leave while your kids get themselves ready!

StrattersFeeear · 08/11/2014 14:53

I'd be inclined to let him record Monday, but just before you leave, all stand in front of the iPad, holding up 'Morning Daddy' signs.

Yours could say 'Go to Fuck', or 'Your bags are in the garage'.

Gruntfuttock · 08/11/2014 14:54

Stratters it's recording sound only.

iwanttogotothechaletschool · 08/11/2014 14:59

I wouldn't record any messages, it would only forewarn him and give him a chance to come up with an excuse. Do it face to face and then you get to see his reaction.

It sounds like he suspects you are staying in bed till the last minute rather than anything like an affair, but I would be furious with him.

justmyview · 08/11/2014 15:03

I have come to the conclusion he has recorded because he thinks I stay in bed until the very last minute , allowing the kids to trash the place whilst I'm too lazy to get up to stop them ...

Even if you were in bed until the last minute, would that justify recording it?

oneowlgirl · 08/11/2014 15:04

That is crazy - I'd be fuming that he was secretly recording you. Do you think he didn't record Friday as after 3 days he finally believed that you are doing what you say you are??

ouryve · 08/11/2014 15:09

The morning timings aren't the point, GallBladderFairy

It doesn't even matter if the OP sits on the sofa doing nothing until it's time to leave. It's the secret recording that's the issue.

And I haven't a clue how you can accidentally set an iPad to record, when you put it away, just before you leave for work, for the same length of time, every morning, for 3 mornings in a row. Of course it's deliberate. Of course the OP has reasonable suspicion about why he's done it, given their previous conversations where she has been criticised for not leaving the house perfect, in the morning. I wonder how much housework her H does, before he dashes out of the house.