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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why people are so rude about expensive weddings?

200 replies

FluffyMcnuffy · 30/10/2014 13:29

I have seen it a lot on MN, "we went to a 20k wedding and it was boring and shit", nobody would say that about a 5k wedding!

Equally people seem to thing big wedding = shit relationship.

I've been to 20k weddings where the couple are still going strong 10 years later and 2k weddings where they split up after three months and vice versa!

AIBU to think cost usually has no bearing on how good a wedding is and to be sick of all the inverse snobbery?

OP posts:

OraProNobis · 30/10/2014 13:32

Equally people seem to thing big wedding = shit relationship.

They do? Are you just guessing that or projecting or what? Only I'd like to know your evidence for that because I've never seen it.

dashoflime · 30/10/2014 13:33

Since a wedding is basically a big party, I would feel I had wasted my money if my guests had a shit, boring time!

I agree cost doesn't have much bearing on how good the wedding is. Except for the amount of money behind the bar- that seems to determine the speed at which things warm up, certainly

TheLovelyBoots · 30/10/2014 13:34

There's a lot of inverse snobbery on MN.

And, everyone likes to root for a young couple in love that doesn't have two pennies to rub together.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 30/10/2014 13:35

I've never been to a £20 grand wedding I don't think, I've never been privy to where the money was spent, the same can be said of a less expensive wedding.

Equally people seem to thing big wedding = shit relationship. who says this?

Binkybix · 30/10/2014 13:37

The best wedding I've ever been to probably cost a bit more than that. Was amazing!

MrsTerrorPratchett · 30/10/2014 13:38

There was a study recently that found that people who spent more, were more likely to split up. Conversely, the more you invited, the less likely. What you want is an enormous, cheap wedding

WooWooOwl · 30/10/2014 13:39

YANBU.

I have seen this kind of inverse snobbery a lot on MN when it comes to weddings. There have been plenty of posts over the last few years that confirm what you're saying, but obviously I'm not about to go back through countess old threads to prove it.

It's weird though, I don't get why anyone cares how much someone else has spent on their wedding.

LadyLuck10 · 30/10/2014 13:41

Yanbu, according to mn the cheaper the wedding the better and more likely it's too last. IMO it must be jealousy. A cheap wedding is just that.

ifuknow · 30/10/2014 13:41

I suppose it depends on how the money is spent, if it's an expensive wedding because a lot was spent on food, drink and entertainment to cater for the guests then that's fine.
If it was a lot of money spent on fancy clothes, cars, helicopters etc so the bride gets her 'princess' day but the guests are left hanging around bored, hungry and thirsty while she has her photoshoot then I might say something rude.

dashoflime · 30/10/2014 13:41

"What you want is an enormous, cheap wedding"

Yay! That was us. 150 people in a local pub. Still early days though- we could grow to hate each other yet.

"I've never been to a £20 grand wedding I don't think, I've never been privy to where the money was spent"

When you've organised your own wedding and seen the horrific price of everything you can estimate quite easily

manchestermummy · 30/10/2014 13:42

Well, I have been to 20K wedding (I'm guessing!) and it was truly amazing. Really, really amazing. All of it.

Anyway, back to the OP: YANBU. To be rude about any event to which you have been invited where you are fed and watered for free is rude, full stop. Even if you didn't have a good time, keep it to yourself!

Will never forget being at my SIL's short-lived wedding and doing when DH's aunt was moaning about the canapés that they were "too fancy, looked horrible and I won't be eating them".

Okay, fine, but don't broadcast it. Decline politely!!!!!

BeGhoul · 30/10/2014 13:43

I've not been to that many weddings, but I really have no idea as to how much was spent on any of them.

As for "nobody would say that about a 5k wedding" how do you know this?

Venticoffeecup · 30/10/2014 13:45

I've been to 20k weddings which were lovely and romantic, and some which were not. For me the difference was the atmosphere on the day, not so much what had actually been spent.

I think 20k weddings sometimes rub people up the wrong way for two reasons. Firstly it's hard to really enjoy a wedding if you know/suspect that the couple or their families will have taken on significant debt to have afforded the day. Of course no one can really know what another's financial circumstances are unless you are outright told - but you can usually have a good guess. I think in those circumstances you can't help but feel that it's a bit foolish and a bit of a waste.

Secondly you can have a 2k or a 20k wedding a still be a wonderful host and make people feel welcome and included. Or you can have a 'Prince and Princess' wedding and get everyone's backs up, think you are the centre of the universe etc etc. I think that generally you are more likely to find the Prince and Princess types having a 20k range then not, so that's what perhaps damages the reputation of the 20k wedding.

BeGhoul · 30/10/2014 13:45

You aren't really "fed and watered for free" though are you?
Going to wedding can be a very a very expensive business indeed!

Nicknacky · 30/10/2014 13:45

It's the same when people post about expensive cars, handbags, holidays etc. Posters always come on and comment how they go to Rhyl on the bus with all their possessions in Aldi bags.

Its like you aren't supposed to have expensive things because others don't see the point in it.

roundtable · 30/10/2014 13:46

I went to an expensive and child free wedding recently apart from children within the family. It was brilliant and I had such good fun.

They even asked for money instead of presents as they've lived together for years and I didn't mind. In fact, I was pleased to give them it.

I did think of MN and snigger at how incensed the day would have made a lot of people on here.

I loved it and had a blast celebrating with them.

YANBU op, some posters do get very upset about weddings, even more so if they're seen to be too lavish.

angelos02 · 30/10/2014 13:48

I think it is more so when a couple don't earn much and you think how better spent the money could be - eg, towards a deposit for a house. But, each to their own I suppose.

Bogeyface · 30/10/2014 13:51

There is a difference between someone spending 20k on their wedding and having A 20K WEDDING!!!!!!!

If you know that the day isnt so much about getting married but HAVING A WEDDING the I think you would be more disparaging than if you went to a wedding that was truly about making a life commitment and it just happened to cost 20k.

Ime, as more money is spent it gradually becomes more about the WEDDING than getting married which is often why cheaper weddings are nicer.

ApocalypseThen · 30/10/2014 13:51

It is the wedding equivalent of the threads where families of five are fed to excess on a small chicken for a week.

Carrierpenguin · 30/10/2014 13:51

Yabu, I don't think that people have an issue with expensive weddings per se, just comments where presents of £100 per guest are expected due to expensive wedding (ie no cheaper gifts on wedding list).

I do think it's silly to spend a massive amount on one day when you can't afford it, eg struggling to pay bills forevermore due to blowing £20k on a wedding, but that's just my opinion and I know,it's none of my business.

DoughnutSelfie · 30/10/2014 13:54

GUFFAW at Nicknacky's Aldi/Rhyl scenario

Most weddings are lovely regardless of cost. I've been to many #old

Nicknacky · 30/10/2014 13:55

Are we talking about the day itself that costs 20k or does that include rings and honeymoon?

Mine cost over that but a good proportion of it was on rings and honeymoon. It wasn't a showy wedding but that was the cost if the things we wanted.

dashoflime · 30/10/2014 13:55

"It is the wedding equivalent of the threads where families of five are fed to excess on a small chicken for a week."

Funny you should say that ApocalypseThen as I used a small chicken to prepare my wedding buffet.
Guests had roast chicken, chicken risotto and chicken soup.
And there was left overs to cater for my cousins bar mitzvah the following week.

squoosh · 30/10/2014 13:58

YANBU

Oh yes, people often say on MN wedding threads things like 'in my opinion the bigger the wedding the shorter the marriage' and 'my wedding cost 72p, my guests shared a cup of warm wee and a stale egg mayo sandwich. And they still say it was the best wedding they've ever been to'.

OraProNobis · 30/10/2014 13:58

It's the same when people post about expensive cars, handbags, holidays etc. Posters always come on and comment how they go to Rhyl on the bus with all their possessions in Aldi bags

That's my vote for funniest post of the day/week/month/year/forever!

Brilliant

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