To wonder why people are so rude about expensive weddings?

[FluffyMcnuffy]

I have seen it a lot on MN, "we went to a 20k wedding and it was boring and shit", nobody would say that about a 5k wedding!

Equally people seem to thing big wedding = shit relationship.

I've been to 20k weddings where the couple are still going strong 10 years later and 2k weddings where they split up after three months and vice versa!

AIBU to think cost usually has no bearing on how good a wedding is and to be sick of all the inverse snobbery?

I will think you very wasteful if you aren't still living off the freezer leftovers.

Well I am a mn wedding cunt, because we spent lots (about £32k all in) on our wedding weekend, and had a total blast for three whole glorious, hot, booze fuelled days!
Thanks dad, going halves with us was really kind, and everyone still says what a flipping awesome weekend it was!

I don't think it makes any difference, it's the people that make a relationship work.

Ha, I can see that to be true Apocalypse.

A FB group I am on had someone this year telling everyone how they only spend a few pounds on their shopping a week, ate a healthy and balanced diet and couldn't see why anyone should spend more. She had access to so many resources to get food cheaper and couldn't understand that not everyone had the same.

There is a difference between a couple who spend that amount just because they can and those that do to brag about it. Luckily I don't know anyone who is the latter.

op totally agree

its really weird
I don't understand why people do this

its as if the less money spent some how MAKES it more worthy

when regardless of if oyu get married at Westminster abbey or the local register office
they are both equally special and meaningful

is it something to do with people liking to see people knocked down a peg or two??
as people I know that have divorced if they had a big wedding
theres negative comments about it

It's totally inverse snobbery. I love it when people try to outdo each other in terms of who spent less or had the most modest party.

I love a good wedding. I think it should be as fancy as you like, as long as you don't get into stupid amounts of debt.

I've been to many £20k weddings, all of them amazing. I have attended a £200k ish one. Soooo dull. I have been to a cheap and cheerful one where sadly no thought was given to guest comfort and we spent the whole wedding frozen in a wet draughty barn. From this I conclude money has no bearing on how fun a wedding will be, but if the bride and groom take into consideration the happiness of their guests it will be just fine.

I prefer weddings that actually centre on the vows regardless of cost. Sadly many now seem to be about how much can be spent, how much can the bride drive everyone crazy and how much can we fleece from the guests by means of a crappy poem.

Recall seeing a recent study that showed the more spent the least time the marriage would last.

as more money is spent it gradually becomes more about the WEDDING than getting married which is often why cheaper weddings are nicer.

I do agree with this. I get the desire to make it a magical unforgettable day but surely it gets to a certain point where surely it's just a big showy display. Particularly if the couple/family had to really stretch their budget to afford it, surely the money would be better spent elsewhere rather than frittered away on what is effectively a giant show-off party. Fair enough if you're loaded though.

I'd never thought about how much other folks weddings cost nor has it ever been discussed with anyone I know who is married.

How do you know what others have spent? Do they tell you?

We both worked hard and long hours to earn the money to pay for our wedding so we did it exactly as we wanted and it was amazing!

Everyone still raves about ours and it was all paid fair and square by us without having to take a loan from anywhere/one else.

My Bro is still paying his off nearly 10 years later

MN is odd about weddings. As others have said there is a bizarre inverse snobbery thing going on. In my world, people love a good wedding. It's a celebration. Cheap, expensive, I couldn't care less as long as the crowd is there to have fun and celebrate.

Mine cost about 19k (in euro though!) - about 85% of which was food, drink and transport for guests. No cars, no flowers, no cake, no goodies on the tables...just shedloads of really decent food (dinner and then barbeque later) and open bar for the whole thing, not that common in Ireland. We had about 70 guests for dinner and with the evening people around 120. It was fab and I would do it the same way again in a heartbeat.

Still - one aunt was overheard muttering that the open bar was 'pure showing off' - somehow flashing the cash on cars/flowers/15 bridesmaids etc would be okay though. Didn't stop the oul moan drinking herself silly.

I don't agree with big wedding equals shit relationship.

However my friend is having a 17k wedding, which I know they cannot afford.

I think however when this big wedding is over then reality will hit her hard in the face.

Maybe there is correlation there?

If I went on a week away to Skegness, yeah it would be fun but I'd enjoy myself but it wouldn't be a struggle to go back to reality and in the same routine.

If I went on a holiday to Hawaii then returning back to "normal" would be very sad and deflating.

Hopefully that makes sense.

We spent a fairly average amount on ours, and it was lovely. Some might think it was overly extravagant, but I think if you're going to invite people to travel to your do, you have to make sure they're fed and watered properly. I think people have expectations of a wedding and you've a duty to fulfil them to a socially acceptable degree, and normally guests are gracious enough to do their part as well.

A friend of a friend had Lionel Richie as the wedding singer. Bet that cost more than £20K.

Erm, if somebody came on mumsnet and said, "I went to a wedding at the weeding that was 5k, I was bored, the food was shit and her dress was horrid" they'd get flamed (rightly so).

But swap the 5k for 20k and that makes it alright.

Once you've planned your own wedding it's pretty easy to tell how much someone else's cost!

We spent hardly anything on ours because we had no money, so no wedding dress, no engagement ring, no cars, flowers etc. We have been together for about 20 years and are currently expecting baby number six. Our marriage is rock solid but I think that has nothing to do with how we spent on our wedding day.

I wish I had had a big wedding, I would have loved a proper honeymoon, a dress to look back at and even an engagement ring so I have no aversion to big weddings.

I do feel sad that people feel like they have to spend a lot of money to have a great day.

I think it is more the surprise that you can spend a fortune and have a dull day.

Sometimes, but not always the big day can become so alien to the couple's every day lives and to them personally that it all just feels a little odd.

I think people have expectations of a wedding and you've a duty to fulfil them to a socially acceptable degree

I suspect that we failed to meet any expectations, we asked nothing of our guests so I am not sure why they should have had any expectations. They day was just about DH and I making a commitment to each other

I think that generally you are more likely to find the Prince and Princess types having a 20k range then not, so that's what perhaps damages the reputation of the 20k wedding.

I've been to LOTS of weddings. The showy off ones and the smaller, simpler ones.
This is what I have found:

The 20k type weddings are always more about the day and showing off (being the centre of attention) and less about the marriage itself.
I think that's what subconciously makes people feel uneasy about them.

Whereas the couples who usually go for the simpler, (simple = more stylish imo) weddings tend to have warmer (less attention seeking) personalities and this shines through on their big day.
The guests feel more comfortable and welcomed and end up enjoying themselves more.

Having more money doesn't mean you have more taste.

ducks and hides

Mabey because those who have expensive weddings have an expensive gift list.