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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people are so rude about expensive weddings?

200 replies

FluffyMcnuffy · 30/10/2014 13:29

I have seen it a lot on MN, "we went to a 20k wedding and it was boring and shit", nobody would say that about a 5k wedding!

Equally people seem to thing big wedding = shit relationship.

I've been to 20k weddings where the couple are still going strong 10 years later and 2k weddings where they split up after three months and vice versa!

AIBU to think cost usually has no bearing on how good a wedding is and to be sick of all the inverse snobbery?

OP posts:
LilAnnieAmphetamine · 30/10/2014 19:04

No, my children not my friends.

Yes I know I have banged on a bit, sorry Blush.

Nicknacky · 30/10/2014 19:06

lil actually you did have a lot of the wedding extras but you didn't pay for them.

Philoslothy · 30/10/2014 19:06

I just cannot planning a wedding as some kind of teaching exercise for my own children.

Nicknacky · 30/10/2014 19:08

Ah sorry, did my brain wrongly insert the word "friends" in your last post?! How did I manage that lol?

Original poster
FluffyMcnuffy · 30/10/2014 19:12

This reminds me I recently went to a 12k wedding (yes she told me) where the 70 odd guests were provided with toast sparkling wine and that was it, it was then up to us to pay the extortionate (5.50 per pint) bar charges. The food was rubbish as well, cheap soup to start, dry chicken for main and they served their wedding cake for desert. Woefully small evening buffet for 50 extra evening guests (although most day guests were still hungry).

I feel sad for her because I know she wanted her princess day, but the money could have been so much better spent and people would have had a better time.

I think shit weddings arise when people try to have a stately home wedding on a garden party budget.

To do a country house wedding, you need to flash the cash IMO or it ends up being boring/annoying for the guests.

Garden party/casual weddings are usually nice regardless.

OP posts:
inconceivableme · 30/10/2014 19:15

I just find it odd when people spend £20k (or even £10-15k) on their wedding then complain that they can't afford a deposit on home and so rent for years after when they'd really like to buy. I have family in this situation. They're now expecting their first baby and have moved back to live with the ILs 'to save money' yet have settled on and ordered a brand new Bugaboo as their travel system....
Just don't understand the priorities and the accompanying sense of indignation that they can't afford 'to have it all' on a combination of one average (UK) public sector salary and one v sporadic one and their refusal to look to buy anywhere outside of one of THE most expensive postcodes in the UK.
If you're so well off that £20k is to you what £1 is to the average
person then go ahead and blow it on a wedding. But if you've had to save for years to have that amount and could better spend it on something more long term, necessary and real that you'll otherwise have to do without for a few years then maybe you should spend much less on your wedding!

Catsarebastards · 30/10/2014 19:17

I have seen it a lot on MN, "we went to a 20k wedding and it was boring and shit", nobody would say that about a 5k wedding!

Load of shite. If a wedding is shot then it's shit and people will say it regardless of how much it cost.

minipie · 30/10/2014 19:19

Fluffy yes, if budget is limited then please spend it on the food and drink for the sake of your guests! or if you really want an expensive dress/venue then have a small number of guests so you can still give them decent food and drink.

Unless, of course, you can somehow produce amazing food and drink for numerous people on a shoestring. Some people seem able to do this, I know I can't.

Nicknacky yes I wonder that too. I guess there could be the same debate about anything: is it ridiculous to spend 10k on a holiday, 40k on a car, 1 million on a house... Answer: it depends on your finances.

Nicknacky · 30/10/2014 19:22

fluffy
If the food was that bad then the bride and groom were let down. Doesn't matter if you were spending 2k or 29k the food should be edible.

LilAnnieAmphetamine · 30/10/2014 19:23

It wasn't a teaching exercise, don't be daft. We were aware though of what it would look like to spend and waste large amounts of money and isn't parenthood about setting a bloody example and encouraging your children to understand money management? I think so. Maybe you do not and are happy to get into debt or waste your money or encourage others to.

No I didn't have a lot of the wedding extras. Our friends offered the use of their garden. We bought 90% of the food. and friends brought what they wanted to bring after asking us if they could -mainly because a lot of them couldn't get their heads around the no gifts/turn up as you like thing. That was the biggest issue, people being so unaccustomed to not having weddings micro managed. We used our own rugs and picnic stuff. We have our own mini marquee that we brought for a party we had years ago.

We used cutlery etc from a friend as opposed to using our own stuff plus paper plates (which we already had). The beer was a gift, despite us asking for no gifts and our friends played music and jammed- hardly the same as a 'proper' band. We asked for no photos formally and guests snapped their own ones, including us as their own memento.

Fact is we planned an even lower key wedding and would have been perfectly happy with that.

oh and I paid for the cleaning service the next day so my friends had no tidying to do (after clearing a lot of it up before we staggered home at 6 a.m :) ).Hardly freeloading.

Nicknacky · 30/10/2014 19:30

I don't think spending what you want and can afford is setting a bad example at all! Where do you draw the line then. Shopping in Primark instead of M&S? Food shopping in Aldi instead of waitrose?

In that case my kids must see me "waste" money all the time. But they know I work to earn it and they are encouraged to save and use pocket money when they want something. That's how you teach money management, not organise your wedding differently.

Philoslothy · 30/10/2014 19:30

It would never cross my mind to set some kind of example through my wedding.

If I had had the wedding I wanted I would have had a massive dress, huge tiara, flowers everywhere, a big band, endless drink and food ....

By MN standards I am a highly irresponsible parent but fuck we are happy.

LilAnnieAmphetamine · 30/10/2014 19:34

Well good for you. But I happen to think you can be fucking happy AND not set an irresponsible example to your kids.

The band member I had to rescue because he was passed out in a bush at 3 a.m....I don't think the kids saw that...Wink

Nicknacky · 30/10/2014 19:38

Is there any need to be rude and swear?

How on earth is spending a sum of money on your wedding being an irresponsible example?

I spent over 5k on this years holiday. Is that irresponsible?!

LilAnnieAmphetamine · 30/10/2014 19:38

Nicky I am getting a tad exasperated now. Are you deliberately misunderstanding me? I never said you shouldn't spend what you want and can afford. I said over spending simply because that is what people have at weddings without considering whether it is really necessary for a good day is not good. And yes I try to stick to that where possible and not have credit cards and debit cards. I realise that as dual working parents in good jobs I have the luxury of not having to use credit but it wasn't a philosophy I suddenly adopted because I got married.

And we have quite a few kids between us, none in debt, all good money managers and working hard, having left home so I think maybe, just maybe, we did our job good enough.

LilAnnieAmphetamine · 30/10/2014 19:39

nicjk

Don't forget to tell Philo off for swearing first then, unless of course this is personal.

Would you like a link to Netmums? They don't swear there I have heard?

Philoslothy · 30/10/2014 19:39

Why would it be irresponsible to have a wedding that I could now afford?

Is it just weddings that this logic applies to?

Every year we host a new years eve party that costs more than some of the figures discussed here, is that irresponsible?

Tomorrow we are hosting a party for the children of the village, again not a cheap affair, am I setting a bad example to everybody else's children as well.

Philoslothy · 30/10/2014 19:40

Nicknacky I swore first, I can't help being irresponsible and vulgar.

LilAnnieAmphetamine · 30/10/2014 19:41

Oh christ I am off. I cannot argue with deliberately obtuse. Confused

It has nothing to do with the amount as long as it is relative to what you can afford.

Nicknacky · 30/10/2014 19:44

I on Netmums already. Phil used the word fuck in the context of "by fuck! we are happy". Not in the context that you used the word fucking.

But you have said that spending more money than you deem necessary is wasteful and irresponsible. I'm not daft, I didn't misunderstand you at all.

I don't think your kids are good money managers just because you got free beer at your wedding.

BackforGood · 30/10/2014 19:47

Is it just me that finds it a tad ironic, that the OP's last post ^ is doing exactly what she's criticised other people for doing in her OP / title ?

Grin
Philoslothy · 30/10/2014 19:51

Nickynacky I think she was trying to quote me, it is harsh to pick her up on swearing but not me.

Nicknacky · 30/10/2014 19:54

phil fair enough but it came across rudely but that is the problem with the written word on the internet!

Apologie Lil if you didn't mean it to be rude, I took it to be that.

Original poster
FluffyMcnuffy · 30/10/2014 20:05

backforgood Grin I'm not bitching about the amount they spent but how they spent it.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 30/10/2014 20:07

Oh! That's alright then Wink

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