Aunty responsibilities ...she never picks up DCs

[beegee]

We have a lovely Aunty to our 2 DCs (my SIL). She loves them to stay over, although it happens quite rarely. (My eldest is 11yo) - she lives about 45 mins away. I've just noticed that there has never been an occasion she suggests she comes and picks them up. We always take the children there, then drive home, then the next day we drive down there to pick them up, then home again. Of course this is fine, it is just this weekend we are really stretched with time and asked her if she could possibly come on the train and then do the return journey with them (they would love the journey on the train with their Aunty, too) Then we would come to pick them up the next day as usual. We thought she would be fine with this lift share. However, she gave us a flat 'no, sorry', in a text and left it as that.
She has no children of her own, so she's only got herself to consider.
We are just a bit surprised by her rejection of our idea without any explanation it's a flat 'no'. It makes me feel slightly alone tbh.
Perhaps I'm overreacting - very possibly - but I think I'd have no problem doing this if it were my nephew and niece.
Let me know if I'm being unreasonable for feeling miffed. Thanks!

Imagine being SIL and reading this thread

Count yourself lucky you just got a "no". I would have been a little more flamboyant in my response but it wouldn't have made you any happier.

Oh and yy to Letitbee

A lot of this sounds like a miscommunication between the two of you about who's doing whom the favour.

If you're doing her the favour because she really wants to have the children, you'll just have to tell her it's not convenient this weekend and reschedule.

If she's doing you the favour because she is in fact babysitting while you help your dad move house, then asking for an extra favour on top is a little cheeky.

It's true that the text was short and possibly hurtful. Maybe she's just not good at texting (I'm lucky to get two letters in the right order from DH - it's not that he doesn't love me - it's that he hates texting). Alternatively, it may be that she doesn't actually enjoy having your children over as much as you think, and she does think that she's doing you the favour.

I do think that it's worth you really thinking about whether this is an Aunt's 'responsibility'. I personally don't think it is. If you choose to do things for your nieces and nephews, then that's nice, but you're not morally obligated to do so.

The world obviously owes you op!

Things are tough for you atm OP what with your dad and your DH 's recent illness.

How about only letting them go to see SIL when weekends aren't as hectic?

I don't think you can expect her to come and collect them if I'm honest. It's a big ask.

Yes, Things are tough for the OP at the moment, surely now is the time for family or friends to put themselves out a bit? Especially if they have been helped in the past by a considerate brother.

The OP has stressed that she has local baby sitters , she is not using the Aunty, the Aunty has offered.

The OP has said she could understand if there was an explanation accompanying the "No sorry" text.
I think a lot of people on here are not getting past the badly worded title to the thread, the input from the OP does not strike me as entitled when reading her posts.

We have only one side of this story. As in everything there is always two.
Without it we are pissing in the wind.

Antiopa, there's offering and there's offering, though. Did the auntie say "Ooo, it's ages since I saw my nephews, can I have them this weekend? There's loads of things I've thought of for us to do together." Or was it more a case of OP and husband saying, "Goodness, this weekend is going to be a nightmare, we're really busy and we need to help my sick dad move house too! I hope the kids don't mind keeping themselves occupied." And auntie say "Why don't I take them off your hands, I'm sure I can find something fun for them to do."

Loving the idea that not having children automatically means you have less responsibilities than parents. Because childless people are never carers for their parents or have any other responsibilities in their lives.

Bloody hell, my own sister has literally only ever spent one afternoon with DD (who is almost 13) at the cinema (because it was a film Dsis wanted to see herself) and nothing with either of my boys (9 and 6).

I would love to have a SIL who was happy to occasionally have any of my three overnight, even if I had to take them there myself (and I don't drive), especially as a single parent.

You're being vvvU.

It depends, did she invite them, or did you wrangle an invitation to get a childfree night?

If she is inviting, then I think helping with the transport is not unreasonable. The kids getting older means there will be ever more weekend activities encroaching, if she wants to invite them she will have to put forth some effort.

It sounds as if, in this case, the answer to 'can I take them?" Is that, unless she physically comes and takes them, no, because nobody else has time to drive them.

she is not using the Aunty, the Aunty has offered.

Then where's the issue with saying; 'we can't get them to you this weekend - can we rearrange?'

As a child-free person with 10 nieces and nephews I think I can safely say that I have (more than willingly) done more than my fair share of babysitting/fetching/carrying etc. over the years, including regularly having my eldest brothers 4 children overnight - a mean task when you're not used to having children around

If any of my siblings had ever suggested that I had responsibilities to do so I would have been really put out, and if I found out that any of them had said I was unreasonable in a situation like this I'd have been both put out and upset at the ungratefulness

Bloody hell Not if you were to forefill your imaginary "Aunty responsibilities" with 10 nephews and nieces you wouldn't have a life!

Mind you if you don't have your own kids what else do you have to do

YANBU

Sorry, typo - YABU

OP you sound really over sensitive and needy. Your whole opening post is peppered with unreasonable criticisms of your SIL and is so 'me, me, me'. Read it again and try to see what 95% percent of people on here are reading and why they think YABU.

It's up to you whether the DC go to see their Aunt this weekend. If you have to rearrange, it's hardly the end of the world. This is a v minor problem surely after your DH's serious health concerns.

It was a shock not to get an explanation?? Really?? Gosh, you must be a delicate little flower.

Crash, that makes you sound snide.

Don't think you can really expect these things of 'aunties'. Lovely if they do but they cannot be expected to do such things unless maybe it's an emergency. DCs auntie has in 11 years of their schooling probably done about 20 drop-offs/pick-ups but only if there's been illness or an emergency. Never just as a matter of course...

Plants Thank you for your opinion.

Auntie isn't obliged to collect and/or return your children by train and its very cheeky of you to suggest it, OP.

Equally, you aren't obliged to lend her your children, if it inconveniences you.

I've lost the thread of things except to work out that there are different and much deeper feelings underneath.

We've gone from how unreasonable the aunt is for not travelling by train to collect her DNs and not fulfilling her responsibilities, to father's cancer and housemove and D's severe illness and relationship anxieties between siblings and then to how the children are merely going to aunt's at her request etc etc.

OP I think people will agree you need to go back to square one and work out everyone's relationship to each other and how and when to interact.
I hope everything works out for the best for all of you, health and relationshipwise.