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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aunty responsibilities ...she never picks up DCs

225 replies

beegee · 29/10/2014 21:57

We have a lovely Aunty to our 2 DCs (my SIL). She loves them to stay over, although it happens quite rarely. (My eldest is 11yo) - she lives about 45 mins away. I've just noticed that there has never been an occasion she suggests she comes and picks them up. We always take the children there, then drive home, then the next day we drive down there to pick them up, then home again. Of course this is fine, it is just this weekend we are really stretched with time and asked her if she could possibly come on the train and then do the return journey with them (they would love the journey on the train with their Aunty, too) Then we would come to pick them up the next day as usual. We thought she would be fine with this lift share. However, she gave us a flat 'no, sorry', in a text and left it as that.
She has no children of her own, so she's only got herself to consider.
We are just a bit surprised by her rejection of our idea without any explanation it's a flat 'no'. It makes me feel slightly alone tbh.
Perhaps I'm overreacting - very possibly - but I think I'd have no problem doing this if it were my nephew and niece.
Let me know if I'm being unreasonable for feeling miffed. Thanks!

OP posts:
SaucyJackOLantern · 29/10/2014 22:08

I feel for you OP. Fancy having to drive your own children to your free childcare.

Have you considered taking your SIL to the European court of human rights?

vodkanchocolate · 29/10/2014 22:08

I would just be happy shes having them tbh

FlossyMoo · 29/10/2014 22:08

YABU but you know that. I can't be arsed to say why. You are being ridiculous.

Babetti · 29/10/2014 22:09

Perhaps she would collect them if she drove - driving is far more convenient than public transport. It's not reasonable to expect her to take more time out of her weekend. I quite like her response - straight to the point.

She is kind enough to take the children overnight so you should appreciate it!

YABU!

PiperIsOrangePumpkins · 29/10/2014 22:11

How about sending them in a taxi.

AllOutOfNaiceHam · 29/10/2014 22:12

YABU.

LadyLuck10 · 29/10/2014 22:13

You are being pathetically ungrateful. Ffs transport your own kids. IMO her 'flat' text was extremely polite. How entitled are you???

JabberJabberJay · 29/10/2014 22:13

YABVU.

Be grateful she is happy and involved enough to want your kids to stay. She is under no obligation to do so.

And for her being childless, what has that got to do with anything? She may have all sorts of demands on her time. Or y'know just not want to trek over to yours only to immediately turn around and go home-this time with your kids in tow.

ZenNudist · 29/10/2014 22:13

So unreasonable, must be a reverse.

Smartiepants79 · 29/10/2014 22:13

So you want her to pay for public transport to come to your house and get your kids. Then lug them and all their stuff back on public transport, presumably having to pay again.
And you're suprised she isn't all that taken with this idea?
She quite possibly has other commitments/things to do.....
You've no idea why this is inconvenient for her.
Just be grateful for the free babysitting.

TheLyingOldBitchAndHerWardrobe · 29/10/2014 22:14

My SIL didn't speak to my (our) Pils for ages and ages because they didn't do the following:

Buy a cot and deck out their spare room for dn in the weeks after he was born.

Buy a car seat to use at their house/in their car.

Immediately offer to have him for free for more than one day a week when she went back to work.

They did agree to have him when she went back to work (6mo). She was made redundant shortly after and never looked for another job, they were expected to carry on having him 1 day per week, her parents had him another two days including one overnight.

People are strange but you are not alone in your weird ideas op.

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2014 22:15

Sorry, what 'lift share'??

She doesn't need to go anywhere, so how can you see it as her partaking in a lift share? Confused

Anyway YABU.

I'm sure 'they would love the journey on the train with their Aunty, too', but it's not about them...it's about the aunty who has very kindly offered to have them overnight.

Bakeoffcakes · 29/10/2014 22:15

Shock I think YABVVVU

Fwiw Im picking up my niece tomorrow for the rest of half term, but her parents have asked me, three times, if I'm sure that is ok, they don't mind at all bringing her to my house.
If she doesn't want to do it, she doesn't need to explain anything to you.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 29/10/2014 22:16

Yes, sorry, hugely unreasonable!

She has 'only herself to consider', yes. But you know what? You chose to have children. She did not chose to become unpaid childcare.

I am a childless aunt. I love my niece and nephew. But, my brother and his wife realize that these are their children, not mine, and they realize that I am not their employee.

Your children's aunt is clearly heavily involved in looking after them, as she sometimes has them to stay over. I'm wondering what 'quite rarely' means? To me, that'd mean every couple of years, maybe every five years?

If 'rarely' means more often than that, you might need to consider how much you are asking of her. I'm sure she loves to see your children, but she has a life too. It'd be a real pity to sour their relationship with her for no good reason.

fanjobiscuits · 29/10/2014 22:17

However I think yanbu to feel a bit offended by the curt text. I know the maxim is no is a complete sentence but sometimes I find it a bit rude.

youarewinning · 29/10/2014 22:20

YABU - but you've got that now right?!

I agree with the poster above who said it's normal to have a whinge, moan etc out of kids earshot about the round trip whilst knowing it's totally U to be doing so!

ashtrayheart · 29/10/2014 22:23

Good on her for saying no, sorry. You were being cheeky; she has no responsibility to your children at all.

RabbitSaysWoof · 29/10/2014 22:26

Aunties don't have responsibilities, sometimes they do favours if they are lovely aunties but only parents have responsibilities. Obvs YABVVVVU

Eva50 · 29/10/2014 22:27

If you are a bit pushed for time this weekend and can't manage to drop them off just let her know that this weekend isn't suitable for her to have them and can she choose another one when you have more time. Perhaps you could take them on the train the next time.

soverylucky · 29/10/2014 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WD41 · 29/10/2014 22:32

Yabu

I call reverse too though.

TouchOfNatural · 29/10/2014 22:34

Never ceases to amaze me how some people with children assume childless people have less time than they do. Such generalised presumption.

KatieKaye · 29/10/2014 22:36

Okay, so SIL is doing you a huge favour and you are complaining because you now want her to do you an even bigger favour to come 45 minutes by train (presumably with travelling time either side to your respective houses)?
And you reckon she hasn't got anything better to do with her time than look after your children? Are you always so insensitive and self-centred?
You are not suggesting a lift share. You are taking huge advantage of SIL who immediately saw through your ruse and said no. Well done her.
If you can't be bothered taking your kids over, then let them take the train by themselves. Of course, you'll still have to drive them to the station - or maybe you could teach them how to hitch-hike and save yourself even more time.
this thread makes you sound very rude and inconsiderate.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 29/10/2014 22:38

Ha Ha Ha. In what world does this qualify as a "lift share"

QuintsTombWithAWiew · 29/10/2014 22:40

I am gobsmacked!

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