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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to warn these first time parents of their unrealistic plans?

178 replies

anothercrackatit · 19/10/2014 23:33

Some friends (not that close but long term) are expecting their first baby in their mid and late 30s. They're planning major house redevelopment, extension and conversion during her maternity leave because she'll be there, "not working and able to oversee". This strikes me as a really bad idea, builders everywhere, crashing and thumping, coming and going for months while she's trying to get used to her first newborn. I don't think they want to hear what I want to say. WWYD?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 19/10/2014 23:34

Nothing. When it comes to first babies, people have to learn for themselves.

Mmmicecream · 19/10/2014 23:37

I'd leave it. They'll figure it out for themselves ... or might even find it fine. While plenty of people find maternity leave hard going, it still never fails to surprise me what some people DO manage to achieve when their babies are small.

I reckon of all of the things I was told I wouldn't be able to do with small children, only 2/3 of them proved true.

Original poster
anothercrackatit · 19/10/2014 23:38

I know gamer, it's just sad though isn't it? Wouldn't you rather have known?

OP posts:
Azquilith · 19/10/2014 23:38

Nothing. A colleague of mine whilst pregnant with her first announced a major sporting event two months after birth and a long haul flight at three. In the event, she didn't leave the house for 12 weeks, and for 10 of those her mother came to stay.

SaucyJack · 19/10/2014 23:38

Just keep your snout out.

I doubt they're having the building works done for fun anyway, so it probably is the best time to have it done. Life does go on even when you have a small baby.

BikeRunSki · 19/10/2014 23:39

Whatever you tell them, they won't birve you.

Moln · 19/10/2014 23:39

You could tell them, but they most likely listen.

JockTamsonsBairns · 19/10/2014 23:40

YABU, it could work for them. I managed a massive house redevelopment and conversion throughout my pregnancy with Dc3, and I already had Dc1(9) and Dc2(20months). It was absolutely fine. Just be around to help and support if needed, and if you're that way inclined, but don't assume it'll be a disaster.

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 19/10/2014 23:41

Bugger all to do with you. Butt out!

Original poster
anothercrackatit · 19/10/2014 23:42

Yup, you don't hear what you don't want to understand. They're doing the annoying first time parent thing anyway, I should just let them make their own mistakes. Perhaps it'll all be fantastic. It's just I've seen it so many times before!

OP posts:
Greatfalls · 19/10/2014 23:42

I know a couple of people who did this. Some people really can make it work, although I doubt I could. it probably is better than being at work 8-7 every day, given the way the construction world works...

mindthegap79 · 19/10/2014 23:42

I'm on maternity leave and we have major building work starting tomorrow. I felt fine about it but now I'm wondering if you know me. Hmmm.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/10/2014 23:43

Disagree. I would agree with them it's a good idea to get building work done when you're there.

treaclesoda · 19/10/2014 23:43

Well...in general people would find this quite tough. Obviously. But really, my firstborn was quite straightforward, it wouldn't really have bothered me to do house renovations whilst I was on maternity leave any more than it would bother me at any other time. In fact, I'd say it's much easier with a baby than with a toddler in the house.

But on the other hand, if you end up with the non sleeping baby from your worst parenthood nightmares then it would be very bad indeed. Luck of the draw I suppose.

zoemaguire · 19/10/2014 23:43

We did it.With baby no 2 rather than no 1, but of course that was worse because we had a baby and a toddler to deal with! There is no good time to do building work, you just have to grit your teeth and know that it's worth it in the end!

Moln · 19/10/2014 23:43

*most likely WON'T listen. Gah!

YonicScrewdriver · 19/10/2014 23:43

I disagree with the above! Can you say things like "oh, I couldn't have managed that plus a newborn, what will you do for naps?"

zoemaguire · 19/10/2014 23:45

And yes, it is a lot harder stopping a toddler leaping into the wet concrete than a 6 month old !!!

littleblackno · 19/10/2014 23:47

I had major building work done to my house including an extention when I was on mat leave with my 2nd child, it was far easier to have it done while I was not at work than it would have been if I was back at work.
It was still very stressful and I'm not sure I would have coped with it with my 1st child but it may not be the disaster you are imagining. If you can then offer her a sanctuary in the daytime away from it all.

tyaca · 19/10/2014 23:49

It'll be a lot tougher to oversee a big project like that once your friend is back at work and juggling childcare etc.

NobodySpecial · 19/10/2014 23:50

Unless "overseeing" it means standing and watching the builders with an eagle eye the whole day, they'll be fine.

Small babies get used to sleeping through noise. My youngest slept through screaming and crying elder siblings just fine.

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2014 23:53

Yup, you don't hear what you don't want to understand. They're doing the annoying first time parent thing anyway, I should just let them make their own mistakes. Perhaps it'll all be fantastic. It's just I've seen it so many times before!

With all due respect, you're doing the 'annoying experienced parent thing' where you seem to think your experience is the only experience.

It sounds ideal to me...or at least the most sensible option they're faced with.

Please don't be so self assured that you are right here, or you may end up feeling very red faced and daft if it all goes to plan.

missingmumxox · 19/10/2014 23:59

we moved to a major re-ferb job when our DTs where 7 months old, appart from the small mistake Dh made on our return fights from Canada with them, so we landed and within the hour contracts had been exchanged....removal people standing at the door!!!!
it is doable, but I think it depends on the person, I am happy in productive chaos but not non productive, i go to pieces on that, my best friend says she knows the state of my mind based on the chao in my house ....after 20 odd years of knowing her...she is not wrong, I can't stand it, it depresses me, and is also part of my depression, but if I can find a purpose its fine.

darlingfascistbullyboy · 20/10/2014 00:03

yabu - I don't see that it will be a problem.

We did a big refurb while I was pregnant with dd1 & through the first 6 months of her life (too poor to move out while walls were knocked down etc) & then a massive one while ds1, dd2 & ds2 - we're still not quite done!- were on the scene. It is a hell of a lot easier with a baby in utero or one infant rather than 2/3/4 & pregnant! Good on them I say Smile

ZenNudist · 20/10/2014 00:15

Leave em to it. They can make it work. If anything having something other than a baby to focus on will be good for her. Newborns are really easy and provided she can get plenty of rest and space to be with the baby having a reason to stay around the house, keep busy and interact with people will be good for her.

I did a lot of renovation during pregnancy with ds 1 and with ds2 we did more work that started at about 36w pg and segued into the newborn months. Life with a new baby still leaves you plenty of time to research building materials, get quotes , deal with tradespeople, make endless cups of tea and keep an eye on progress.

However if they plan on ripping out kitchen or bathroom they might want to move baby out until they have utilities again.

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