To want to warn these first time parents of their unrealistic plans?

[anothercrackatit]

Some friends (not that close but long term) are expecting their first baby in their mid and late 30s. They're planning major house redevelopment, extension and conversion during her maternity leave because she'll be there, "not working and able to oversee". This strikes me as a really bad idea, builders everywhere, crashing and thumping, coming and going for months while she's trying to get used to her first newborn. I don't think they want to hear what I want to say. WWYD?

You know, I had so many people tell me how hard it was going to be with a newborn that I actually believed it and caused myself no end of anxiety and stress imaging the worst.

But every baby is different, every parent is different. I find DS (14 weeks now) a breeze and have done from day 1, we get loads done and I think I could handle an extension. I am just about to arrange a 2 week decorating job as it happens.

Don't project your experiences and opinions onto others. In other words, butt out.

The op is making assumptions about her friend, but so are lots of people on this thread.

'Babies are easy'. Are they? I found the baby but horrendous. Endless sleep deprivation, endless crying, never able to do anything for myself unless I left my baby screaming hysterically. I wouldn't have coped with a building project.

I don't think you can say anything op. And maybe she'll be fine. But the reality is, none of us really know how the baby stage will turn out until we're in it, and smugly telling everyone how there's nothing to it is a bad as assuming the worst.

By the way, I find the toddler part a doddle. I don't tell other people they should too.

Not sure id personally want to do this. But each to their own. If they think they can cope dot tell them otherwise. I'd hate to e told I wouldn't cope.

Maybe some helpful advice - ie nice places to take baby for walks etc when it gets too dusty/noisy.

But some people can though. My SIL had major house renovations done when my niece was due. They then did the same but in an even bigger scale when my nephew was due.

We all thought she was mad, but it didn't faze her and it turned out alright.

Sometimes people do things others think is a bad idea and are the first to criticise when actually it's fine. I rode my horse when I was pregnant up until I was 7 1/2 months and you wouldn't believe the grief I got for it.

You sound INCREDIBLY patronising.

I can't see why it would be a bad time to do it at all.

Better than when the child is a toddler by far.

Much better than if she was in full time work, they do need someone to oversee sometimes with all those random questions about where you want your plug socket and which way does this door need to open etc etc.

Its a newborn baby not some kind of zoo animal.

"Yup, you don't hear what you don't want to understand. They're doing the annoying first time parent thing anyway"

Geez! What was it about parenting you found so hard?

I would be more worried about the dust

All those saying it's better now than with a toddler -- we did something similar with DC3 and by the time ours was finished, I had a toddler.

I still look at the wonky concrete (from one of DS's worse days) and wish I'd been more awake at the time.

you do sound patronising op

ok,so first time parents havent a clue, but everyone is the same, you would have been I'm sure!!!

are you one the the experts out there? do you tell people with teenagers how you wouldnt have that, even though your eldest is 4?

I'm going to gd managing a rennovation with a 5month old but not living in the property while it's being done & sometimes I still think I'm mad!

YANBU to think it but YABU to think you should say sthing. People have to learn themselves & as posters have said they might find it absolutely fine anyway.

Doesnt this happen all the time with grand designs.

Well life goes on with a baby, good for them, wish them well!
Even if the baby is hard work, they're hard work regardless of builders etc.

I definitely don't think parents should project their own experiences on other soon to be parents, everyone gets on differently.

We had a huge extension when our baby was a newborn.
Apart from the knock through, when I went away for a few nights, all was fine.
By far the worst bit was the final push when I had lots of trades people in the house at once.

Who is to say she won't be fine?
Just beacause you wouldn't do it, doesn't make it a bad idea.

Oh wow, ok, so lots of superwomen out there! Don't you people need privacy? I know I'm particularly bad at finding a lack of personal space really stressful, I suppose I'm projecting that. Don't most people need room to nest with their firstborn? A milkmoon or similar? And most people are shell shocked for the first few weeks, establishing feeding and adjusting to disturbed sleep. I may sound smug saying this but it is the result of observation and experience, I think those who find their firstborn easy are the exception to the rule.

We moved three times before DC1 was one, the first time at just a few weeks but at least I then had a sanctuary straight away. Full of boxes, yes, but private. I know it's not the same with subsequent children and you just have to suck it up and get on with it but I think most people really value those hazy, stunned, milky first few months with their first don't they? What I am saying, I suppose, is that the presence of multiple strange men, the noise, dust, disruption and lack of privacy would have taken away from the experience, for me. I shall, as suggested, butt out and hope for the best!

We did this. Twice. Full house renovations while I was pg with eldest and youngest. It was tiring yes and stood on a ladder painting the kitchen at 8 months wasn't my idea of fun but it worked.
YABU, something like this really depends on the couple, if they can do it then let them get on with it.

It's a lot easier when she's on mat leave than afterwards. It'll probably be fine. So butt out

I think most people really value those hazy, stunned, milky first few months with their first don't they?

Loathed them largely. Would have loved something else to think about.

1. It's none of your business.

1. It's perfectly doable. I did it.

Wtf is a "milkmoon"?!

YABU purely for assuming that most people are "establishing feeding". A lot put a bottle in the baby's mouth and the baby does the rest!

You know it's impolite to interfere in other people's lives, tell them what they should do or criticise their perfectly legitimate plans, right? So you're just asking for the sake of controversial conversation?

Those " hazy, stunned, milky first few months with their first" - you mean the ones where I went back to normal, shopping, visiting friends, going to lunch, going to the gym and eventually going to work, yes?

I don't "get" this image of some befuddled, perma milk smelling, tied to the house, not with it, hermit-like existence at all. It doesn't resemble my experience or the experience anyone I know.

None of your business.

I moved house when my baby was 3 weeks old. It worked fine.

Hooby did you have help at home? Who was looking after the baby while you were at the gym? I don't think your experience is typical.

Bigblue, as I wrote above, I moved three times in DC1's 1st year, the first time at a few weeks. What I'm referring to is not having a safe space at home but I'm increasingly understanding a lot of people don't need that asych as I do!

But nor is yours another

The only bit Hooby would have needed help with prior to going back to work was the gym and they have crèches.

I really don't want to get into personal comments here so I'll butt out (again! It's the day for it!) but I did think of crèches, I think you're unlikely to find one that accepts babies under 4 months aren't you?

My OH had one day off work ( the day of the birth) when we had our kids. I missed the midwife visit when my DD was less the 24 hours old as I was doing the weekly shop pushing a trolley and a toddler around Tesco.

Everyone has different experiences.