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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have removed DD from swimming lesson

184 replies

lovelidl · 19/10/2014 12:22

We have just come back from holiday, where DD, who had shown no previous interest, loved the pool. Jumping in. Swimming unaided etc in a pool way out her depth.

On our return I booked lessons for her, they were expensive and nearest pool is 20 miles away so not a decision taken lightly. Shallow, warm pool, 10 in a lesson.

First lesson was this morning and DD screamed blue murder as soon as she got in. After a few mins I went in and dragged her out the pool. I felt it wasn't fair to the other who were trying to learn while she carried on.

I was furious with her and promised I would be taking her no where in the future Hmm and there would be no more treats until the wasted money was replaced.

DH thinks I was being unreasonable and should have tried to make her stay etc and he thinks we should try again next week.

WIBU

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 19/10/2014 12:25

You don't say how old she is.

shouldnthavesaid · 19/10/2014 12:26

Did she get the choice about going to lessons? Swimming freely on holiday with mum and dad is very different to being taught to swim with ten other children that she doesn't know, a lot less fun and probably very daunting for her.

ilovesooty · 19/10/2014 12:26

I can't believe you've threatened no more treats until the money's replaced. How old is she?

lilrascal · 19/10/2014 12:26

how old is ur dd? i agree with Dh to try again. can you not talk to her and try understand whats going on instead of threatening her all sorts. i agree you did right taking her out so as not to be disturbing the others trying to learn.

quick question ... if she saw unaided in a pool way out of her depth why are you paying for expensive lessons?

harihippo · 19/10/2014 12:27

How old is she? Why do you think she was upset? We need to know these answers before we could decided if it's right to not take her again.

SavoyCabbage · 19/10/2014 12:29

I would have taken her out if she was disturbing the lesson but I think I would have got her to watch so she could see what it was all about.

Ten in a lesson is a lot. There's a maximum of four where we go.

ghostyslovesheep · 19/10/2014 12:29

how old is she?

what do you mean by 'swimming unaided'?

why did you react so OTT?

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/10/2014 12:30

It depends on age tbh.

Although I think you did the right thing removing her as not fair on the nine other kids and wastes their parents money along with yours.

I do think. These things should offer two or three pay on day trial sessions though as young kids don't always react well first time.

If she's under five then she will have no concept of making back the money so ywbu.

Any older and yanbu

Bunbaker · 19/10/2014 12:31

"Ten in a lesson is a lot. There's a maximum of four where we go."

Lucky you. There were 13 in DD's lessons. When they were swimming full lengths the teacher had to stagger them starting their swim so DD spent quite a lot of time out of the pool.

Goldmandra · 19/10/2014 12:32

You need to ask yourself why she was screaming.

Children don't generally just do that for kicks. My assumption would be that something was distressing her and I would try to work out what that was so I could address that issue.

I see little point in punishing children for being distressed.

donkir · 19/10/2014 12:32

I look after a boy who is nearly 2 he started swimming lessons 4 weeks ago. Each lesson is half an hour and there are 5 children in each class. The first 3 lessons he screamed for pretty much the whole lesson. The teachers were brilliant and very encouraging. When I took him this week we had no tears at all and he loved the lesson. Showing mum when we got home exactly what he'd been taught.
Id be explaining to dd why lessons are so important and exactly what's going to happen in each lesson so she knows what's coming. We always have a nice treat/snack waiting in the car for after.
I do think 10 in a lesson is too many though.

GlitterIsJustVampireAsh · 19/10/2014 12:33

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kali110 · 19/10/2014 12:34

Think you were right to take her out so you didnt disturb the rest of the lesson.
Could you speak to her about what's upsetting her and try again next week?

Bunbaker · 19/10/2014 12:34

The price of lessons would be too high if there were only 5 or 6 in a lesson. The pool is not in an affluent area.

Shakey1500 · 19/10/2014 12:34

Regardless of age I think YABU. It's a new environment, to scream blue murder is proper distress yes? I'd have made more attempt to find out why she was distressed, would have tried more to get her to go back (get back on the horse), and certainly wouldn't have said no more treats OR expect the money to be replaced by her.

Original poster
lovelidl · 19/10/2014 12:35

Sorry, she is nearly 5.

I am not a great swimmer, and her dad can't swim at all, so wanted her to be taught properly.

I have probably put her off forever now Hmm

OP posts:
FrustratedBaker · 19/10/2014 12:36

You could take her swimming yourself in the meantime and even get in the pool with her during the lesson? I wouldn't have forced it t the time but I would take her back. You need to stop worrying about the money though. You just have to focus on the best way to get her swimming. The money's gone.

lilrascal · 19/10/2014 12:36

again i ask you say she swam unaided in pool way out of her depth on hols. why is she taking lessons?

yabu to punish a 5yr old on money wasted. did ye ask her if she wanted to do the lessons?

GlitterIsJustVampireAsh · 19/10/2014 12:37

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lilrascal · 19/10/2014 12:38

i agree with FrustratedBaker ... get in the pool with her for a while. postpone lessons if needed but ask her why was she so distressed.

StripyBanana · 19/10/2014 12:38

Gosh I don't think at nearly 2 I'd have gone 3 times if they were screaming :( that's made me feel quite sad. At nearly 3 we go as a family and have a lot of fun and will start lessons probably at 4.

Op -unbelievably harsh. Your role is to encourage water confidence. Children need to feel safe and that you are on their side . It sound like the wrong lesson for the child.

No way should you take out your frustration on a poor child. Have some compassion .

FrustratedBaker · 19/10/2014 12:38

You'll get your money's worth even if you take her to the lesson and she sits on the side the whole time, splashing her feet, then the next week does five minutes in the water, then the next week a bit more etc. The most important thing is the swimming. Don't worry about being cross either, everyone vents sometimes. Just forget it and move forward.

WhereHas1999DissappearedToo · 19/10/2014 12:38

Have you paid for a whole term or a lesson OP?

Goldmandra · 19/10/2014 12:39

you say she swam unaided in pool way out of her depth on hols. why is she taking lessons?

So she can learn to swim properly? Confused

lilrascal · 19/10/2014 12:41

Goldmandra from what op says she can already swim properly ... deep water ... unaided?! Confused back atcha