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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have removed DD from swimming lesson

184 replies

lovelidl · 19/10/2014 12:22

We have just come back from holiday, where DD, who had shown no previous interest, loved the pool. Jumping in. Swimming unaided etc in a pool way out her depth.

On our return I booked lessons for her, they were expensive and nearest pool is 20 miles away so not a decision taken lightly. Shallow, warm pool, 10 in a lesson.

First lesson was this morning and DD screamed blue murder as soon as she got in. After a few mins I went in and dragged her out the pool. I felt it wasn't fair to the other who were trying to learn while she carried on.

I was furious with her and promised I would be taking her no where in the future Hmm and there would be no more treats until the wasted money was replaced.

DH thinks I was being unreasonable and should have tried to make her stay etc and he thinks we should try again next week.

WIBU

OP posts:
WhereTheWildlingsAre · 19/10/2014 16:18

Much sympathy - any of us with hugely stubborn emotional children have had similar days

Amen to that! And it's hugely stressful to deal with so I can understand op's reaction.

Nice to see the advice is getting more rational and supportive on this thread now.

HayDayQueen · 19/10/2014 16:26

I agree with chipping - the OP took her DD to swim in a pool, when neither she nor her DH could swim, and neither could her DD.

That is SOOOO irresponsible.

You just don't do that!

You might as well let her play beside a fucking motorway..........

Oh and the reason why there was no instructor in the pool is because I'm guessing they put her in a class based on the OP saying that her DD could swim the length of the pool unaided, so that would be the next level up.

The junior level, where they can't swim at all, they are in the pool with them.

But they are still alongside the pool, ready to jump in, and there is a lifeguard watching at all times in addition to that.

RufusTheReindeer · 19/10/2014 16:30

I think hissy s original post was dreadful

chipping was making a lot of sense right up to her last paragraph

FrustratedBaker · 19/10/2014 16:31

yes true

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/10/2014 16:34

This thread is such a perfect example of one-upmanship amongst mothers. Two posters have posted really badly amongst some support for the OP. No parent is perfect, doing things perfectly all the time. Not-a-one...

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/10/2014 16:35

Yes, Rufus.

micah · 19/10/2014 16:39

What did the instructor say? I'd take her back, chat to the instructor and make it clear if the instructor is struggling it feels she cannot cope, then she can ask to remove her.

The instructor may have been fine and you interfered with the lesson. Most are very experienced with this sort of thing and are perfectly capable of asking a parent to take a child out if it's going to cause a problem.

Tinpin · 19/10/2014 17:10

I used to get mad with my children in situations like this because we were so short of money. If they lost possessions I was disproportionately angry because I was worrying about how I would replace it. If I had decided to find the money for swimming lessons for a child I thought would have enjoyed it, and then saw them screaming in the pool,I may have well have reacted in the way the OP did. I look back on some of my angry moments now with shame knowing I over reacted, but they were driven by my circumstances. We all have bad parenting moments for many reasons. Despite my (extreme) hissy fits my children have grown into stable, happy adults.

SophiaPetrillo · 19/10/2014 17:18

If she "swam unaided out of her depth" she doesn't need lessons, she can swim. Are you sure you've given the correct details in the OP?

Goldmandra · 19/10/2014 17:21

If she "swam unaided out of her depth" she doesn't need lessons, she can swim.

Rubbish. There is still plenty to learn.

SevenZarkSeven · 19/10/2014 17:27

I find it odd they have 1 instructor at side with 10 kids who can't swim in the pool. Ours the teachers are in the water and it's one for every 2 or 3 kids.

I think try something else for her.

Original poster
lovelidl · 19/10/2014 17:28

She swam unaided in a pool that was all out of her depth however her method didn't look great as she was self taught, I therefore wanted lessons so she knew what she should be doing and would be safer as I knew I can't teach her myself.

I said exactly this when booking her lessons and was told that all under gives start at the beginning regardless and and moved up accordingly. So she was in the very first level lesson after mother and toddlers which you cannot attend after child's third birthday.

OP posts:
MrSheen · 19/10/2014 17:29

Even swimmers who compete internationally still have lessons.

SophiaPetrillo · 19/10/2014 17:30

Ah right. Similar thing happened when my DS was 5, he swam in a holiday pool. We got him lessons when we got back home and he hated them. We stopped going after about 2 and just let him swim his own way.

butterfliesinmytummy · 19/10/2014 17:38

Lessons are the difference between "messing around, having fun and able to get myself out of trouble in a pool" and "saving my life or someone else's". Lessons will make you a strong swimmer, an efficient swimmer, a streamlined, experienced, calm and confident swimmer who has more endurance and stamina, more likely to be able to save themselves from a strong current or flowing water. That's where the life skill part comes in. This is why I qualified.

whatever5 · 19/10/2014 17:59

I don't agree that lessons are that helpful. They are useful for people who wouldn't take their children swimming otherwise (as in OP's case) but otherwise a waste of money.

Nanny0gg · 19/10/2014 18:01

I don't agree that lessons are that helpful. They are useful for people who wouldn't take their children swimming otherwise (as in OP's case) but otherwise a waste of money.

So all parents can teach their children to swim just because they can themselves?

Not in my experience.

LIZS · 19/10/2014 18:02

Lessons are useful in promoting discipline and healthy respect for water . op's dd may now think she could cope in water even out of her depth but reality is that she couldn't and may well panic. Surprised entry level courses don't have an instructor in the water and a helper for 10. Most pools wouldn't allow under 8's unaccompanied.

ghostyslovesheep · 19/10/2014 18:03

I agree Butterflies - lessons took two of mine from doggie paddlers to really good swimmers

dd3 - not so much - she just wouldn't concentrate so I stopped - will consider it again next year

I couldn't teach them past the basics and both really enjoy being in water - dd1 not competes for the school team

Nanny0gg · 19/10/2014 18:04

Ah right. Similar thing happened when my DS was 5, he swam in a holiday pool. We got him lessons when we got back home and he hated them. We stopped going after about 2 and just let him swim his own way.

And how good a swimmer is he? Strong, confident? How far can he swim with an efficient stroke that doesn't leave him worn out? How long can he swim when out of his depth? Underwater?

My biggest regret is that I can't swim and I left it to school swimming lessons with my DC - they are very poor swimmers. They should have gone to swimming lessons rather than gym.

whatever5 · 19/10/2014 18:07

So all parents can teach their children to swim just because they can themselves?
Not in my experience.

My experience of swimming lessons (many different instructors) is that the just get the children to swim up and down the pool. Most parents who can swim could do that themselves.

butterfliesinmytummy · 19/10/2014 18:34

Parents are great at helping kids to gain confidence in the water. They can teach the basic mechanics of a stoke or two. If you are looking for a doggy paddler, yes, parents can do that. If you are not confident in the water yourself, if you cannot devote time every week to teaching (above and beyond messing around time), if your children are not open to having a lesson with you (ie won't listen or take it seriously), if your child is fearful or over confident, if you want a strong, efficient swimmer, get a professional.

My training took hours and hours of classroom and pool time on child development, biomechanics, buoyancy, propulsion, pedagogy, aquatic safety, stroke development, teaching methods, and a hundred other things plus months of shadowing, exams (pass rate 100%) and observed teaching before I was allowed to teach. Will you as an unqualified parent obtain the same results in the pool as me? I doubt it.

Shakey1500 · 19/10/2014 18:41

I'm a very strong swimmer and thought I'd be able to teach DS no problem. How wrong I was! Tried for two years until I figured out I was too close to the elephant. 6months of lessons with an instructor and he's responded far better and whilst he's not fully accomplished, he's a "swimmer".

TinyDancingHoofer · 19/10/2014 18:41

Lessons also teach technique whatever. I work at a physio and the amount of injuries we see from badly performed breast stoke is quite high.

StripyBanana · 19/10/2014 18:54

Oh gosh. How do you injure yourself doing breaststroke?! looks worried