Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have removed DD from swimming lesson

184 replies

lovelidl · 19/10/2014 12:22

We have just come back from holiday, where DD, who had shown no previous interest, loved the pool. Jumping in. Swimming unaided etc in a pool way out her depth.

On our return I booked lessons for her, they were expensive and nearest pool is 20 miles away so not a decision taken lightly. Shallow, warm pool, 10 in a lesson.

First lesson was this morning and DD screamed blue murder as soon as she got in. After a few mins I went in and dragged her out the pool. I felt it wasn't fair to the other who were trying to learn while she carried on.

I was furious with her and promised I would be taking her no where in the future Hmm and there would be no more treats until the wasted money was replaced.

DH thinks I was being unreasonable and should have tried to make her stay etc and he thinks we should try again next week.

WIBU

OP posts:
fluffling · 19/10/2014 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harihippo · 19/10/2014 13:29

For the poster who said about parenting classes and being disappointed in the op. Do you need a crow bar to help get your judgy pants from up your backside.

FrustratedBaker · 19/10/2014 13:33

Seems like a classic parenting moment to me. Mother is delighted at child's apparent natural ability, perhaps tells others about it, heads off in excited fashion to activity which will hone this ability into fabulous talent and skill and - whoops - disappointment, which is then vented on the child, but is much more to do with the parent's expectations than anything else.

Lesson learned - children don't do what you expect - and by the way OP there will be many more disappointments as well as joyful moments to follow!

It's not parenting class stuff, it's chill pill material. The sudden realisation that you can't live vicariously through your child!

RaRaSkirtsForever · 19/10/2014 13:35

Mine are teenagers, and I was doing the whole swimming lesson thing about ten years or so ago.

My top tip is to get them pool-ready and not watch. They won't play up if you are not watching. Let the instructors do the job they are being paid to do which is teach your child to swim. To be honest, I was the same with whatever activity or sport they were doing. It was their time to learn a new thing with kids they don't know from school.

It is difficult when there are other parents about at an activity or sport and yours is the one that is mucking about, but remember, your child is in a "lesson" and is there to be taught. Let the responsible adult or adults do the teaching, not the parents from the sidelines.

FlorenceMattell · 19/10/2014 13:37

Iv found the crash courses in the holidays very good. Usually less children and going every day they don't tend to forget/get nervous again.
Would the pool put the payment you made towards a crash course?
Personally think swimming lessons are essential to learn hood technique and breathing etc.

RufusTheReindeer · 19/10/2014 13:37

I think maybe you overreacted as it was a bit embarrassing having her kick off in the pool, especially if you thoughts she was a bit of a natural

Would have made more sense to ask the instructor what to do but hindsight is a wonderful thing

We all make parenting mistakes, it does not make us bad parents unless we keep making them and don't learn from them

I think your DH is right to try again next week and as others have said it is probably a good idea to speak to the instructor before you go

RaRaSkirtsForever · 19/10/2014 13:37

Sorry, that did not seem nearly so patronising when I was typing it.

RufusTheReindeer · 19/10/2014 13:38

X posted with frustrated-

God I'm a slow typist

ghostyslovesheep · 19/10/2014 13:44

Chipping you regularly tell people to ask to have threads moved because AIBU is a nasty place ...but I don't think I've read something as gob smackingly OTT as the comment you just posted - maybe step away for a while.

OP YABU but you know that - breath, reboot and talk to her - start again

MrsDeVere · 19/10/2014 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meglet · 19/10/2014 13:48

You and her dad need to learn to swim too. Throw money at private lessons to get you up to speed. It's a lifesaving lifeskill.

Get her back to lessons, with bribery if you have to. You made a bad call first time, the world won't end.

SecretSpy · 19/10/2014 13:55

fgs she's four.
you made a rash decision and overreacted. talking about replacing the cost is ridiculous she can get a job in 12 yearsSmile and the cost is the same whether she goes or not.

Just stop and breathe.

You sound like you are very 'it's the last straw' about it, but it's not going to be the last time you disagree so take a moment to rethink your strategy

slightlyworriednc · 19/10/2014 14:00

Jesus, some of you need to calm the fuck down!!!!

Right, OP, you were out of order, but you know that. Apologise to your DD and take her swimming in between lessons to show her it's nothing to be afraid of. Ask the teacher if she can watch a couple of lessons to see what it's all about.

This clearly wasn't your greatest moment as a mother, but you're not going to hell in a handcart either. Your DD will get over it and be fine...we've all overreacted now and again, and I'm sure we've all had our own parents over react towards us...and got over it!

You can absolutely fix this, don't panic.

Hissy and Chipping, I hope you both feel good about yourselves now. I've never heard such a load of sanctimonious waffle.

Corestrategy · 19/10/2014 14:02

Chippinginlattelover - Who the fucking hell do you think you are? Miss Perfect?*

OP - I had a similar thing with my DS. He loved being in a pool on holiday but swimming lessons completely freaked him out. I told the instructor to let him stay at the side of the pool. After a couple of weeks he was joining in the with rest of the class. He just needed to get his confidence.

RomeoDone · 19/10/2014 14:02

As a swimming instructor I am very shocked that there were 10 children in the class, especially as I imagine it was a beginners class. I've taught larger lessons before but always in the water for beginners, and even when teaching the next set up I would always have my costume on and regularly jump in and out to help. I now teach max of 4 children always in the water and we reguarly have children who are terrified. If that happens the teacher should be in the water with that child gaining their trust. Swimming can be really scary, especially when they are learning and as a teacher I make a massive effort with all the children to make sure they have the most fun possible.

My advice would be;

  1. Praise praise praise. If she gets in one week and wouldn't the week before then that is excellent progress. Little steps. I've had children who after a set of 10 lessons are just about not clinging around my neck, then two terms later get their 5m badge swimming unaided. It can be done.

  2. Bathtime, pop her costume on if needed, goggles aswell and splash about. It will e messy. But she needs to associate swimming with fun

  3. Go swimming. Make her put her face in and blow bubbles (don't hold breath ever). Let her get her confidence back with you and her dad. Big smiley faces (even if you both hate it). Swimming is fun!!!

  4. Speak to teacher, not the receptionist etc. The teacher will hopefully have lots of experience with this. I tend to have a set of toys for scared children to play with. Balls to throw and swim after. Maybe take a bath toy from home?

Perservere. She obviously isn't scared of swimming if she was confident enough to paddle around on holiday. Well done for getting her into lessons. There is nothing worse than parents who think their child doggy paddling for 3m can "swim"! Just remember swimming can be scary and praise, even if it's through clenched teeth!

Trollsworth · 19/10/2014 14:04

Ffs. Four years old! By your reaction I assumed she was in her teens!

Goldmandra · 19/10/2014 14:08

As a swimming instructor I am very shocked that there were 10 children in the class

I was too when I realised that the child was four years old but then I wondered if there were several teachers or one teacher plus some assistants.

If the ratio really is ten to one I would consider looking at other places.

hackmum · 19/10/2014 14:08

OP, did you ask your DD why she was upset? Maybe it was the chlorine, maybe it was the other children, the fact the pool was indoors rather than outdoors (assuming that was the case) - or maybe she couldn't articulate it. But some kids are very sensitive to new sounds, sights and experiences and it's not always easy to know why. You can at least try and take her again if she is willing.

The whole ban on treats etc won't achieve anything.

LIZS · 19/10/2014 14:09

I would guess that the pool on holiday was rather different to your local one. Outdoor, warm air temperature, less humid, less smelly and chlorinated, less crowded and echoey, damp communal changing rooms, no children jostling for their turn ... Had you taken her swimming in UK before ? Surely it was your choice to take her there , you can hardly blame her for reacting especially if you then got stressed out in return. There may not be a public pool within 20m but some private schools and sports clubs have lessons at theirs which may be less daunting, for you and her. Maybe enquire about intensive or private lessons over half term to get her going .

aturtlenamedmack · 19/10/2014 14:16

Don't allow strangers on the internet to make you feel like a bad parent.
Your reaction was OTT, just learn from it and move on.
Parenting classes my arse. Get a grip.

Monroe · 19/10/2014 14:19

My 4 year old DD had the exact same reaction at her first lesson despite being a water baby on holiday. Dh spent the whole half hour with her clinging to him at the side of the pool. We were also told no refunds but the lady who arranged all the lessons suggested we try a different day and instructor.

We took her back at to a weekend lesson. The pool was much quieter with only one other class going on and a lady instructor. DD went straight in the pool and has been having lessons for 6 months now quite happily.

It might be worth seeing if there are any spaces left in another class and give it another go when she feels ready.

RomeoDone · 19/10/2014 14:20

If there was only one teacher to 10 children at a beginners level I would be moving lessons. And if there were teaching assistants I would be expecting them to be in the water. That's what they are for. And the qualified teacher should have used them for that.

Interested to know if it is private company lessons or council run pool. As I've taught for both and whilst council pool is cheaper, they try and get as many children as possible in. Which is fine at a higher level of swimming (10-15m badge+).

But at 4 yrs old and new to lessons she needs a ratio more like 4:1 or 6:1 max. Maybe look at smaller private lessons. I know some gyms/health clubs use teachers in their pools aswell. Where are you based? Might be able to help with locations!?

InFlagranteDelicto · 19/10/2014 14:22

Not read the entire thread, but is it worth asking if the money already tied up in lessons could be used for a few one to one lessons? My friend did this when her ds went through a no-confidence phase. She's still only wee, make it fun, some nice shampoo, a fluffy towel and a nice snack after.

RomeoDone · 19/10/2014 14:26

Also don't feel like a bad parent. Most weeks I have a small child clinging around my neck screaming for their parents and I have the scratchmarks to prove it I'm immune to it and your DDs teacher probably is too! And I know it probably made you really mad at her, for disrupting the lesson, but I bet more than 1/2 the parents say watching have been there too x

Flibbertyjibbet · 19/10/2014 14:30

Librascal: I wasn't a very good swimmer till I found an adult improver class at a local pool. I did 2 x 10 week courses back to back and at the end could swim breaststroke, crawl, and butterfly. Now I'm proud to be the mum who can swim 40 Lengths crawl when I take the kids.

Op: I took my kids swimming as soon as they had their childhood jabs. Every week. They still a screamed.at the first proper lesson aged 4! (8 in class btw). I just handed them over and left the teacher to it, went and sat in the cafe.